What I admire about this quote and this designer is that St. Laurent was challenging the very system that made him famous and was saying that style is situated within an individual and transcends time because of that. Style travels in a body that is uniquely yours. Fashion is a body dressed by others to convey a certain time. They are not mutually exclusive. Together they allow us to create masterpieces of identity.
I continue to receive comments and emails from women asking me to tell them how to dress and what to wear if they are a certain height, or have a particular hair color or have undergone a certain life experience. Women lament that they cannot dress like me because they cannot afford the clothes I wear. I have been asked to appear on at least two national talk shows that would involve me giving someone style make-overs. There are such a volume of these sorts of questions, requests and comments that I can think of numerous “products and experiences” I could create and monetize that would meet this demand.
For me however, style is so profoundly part of my own aesthetic judgement that it is impossible for me to know what to tell, or to tell anyone else what to wear. Garments become materials some with a high price tag, and others not at all, with which I create. My style becomes an unmistakable expression of who I am at any given time and place in history and my access to the raw materials I need to create and express my unique identity. I feel that I would be negating someone’s individuality to engage with these requests and thus upend my project for real, meaningful and actionable inclusion.
Being the academic that I am, after a brief research review I have come to understand there is not a real operational definition of “style” when it comes to evaluating fashion design, production or consumer choices. But there is indeed a tension: style can be seen as a set of descriptive rules (what to wear if…) or as a unique expression that allows someone to stand out (who are you and then what to wear). This means for me that style is uniquely tied to personal identity and inclusion. So the first question relevant to style is who are you, and since we are talking specifically about fashion, in my view also about aspiration, the second is; who do you wish to be?
So my challenge now is how to get people to turn in and look into the mirror first and before, they chose clothes instead of after, when that mirror that will be filled with projections of all kinds of judgements, rules and prescriptions. What kinds of experiences can I design to make this happen so that consumption becomes not a passive response but an active choice?
How would you answer my questions and what experiences do you think might create this transition?
Money has zero to do with style….its attitudes….i maybe wearing a 1000 purse with 5o$ jean and 16.99$ target shirt….but today I’m me.and confident!
Exactly my point! How can we get this across more effectively?
Perhaps partly by exposing how you create your style. How do you curate your look…how do you manage proportion…..how do you use color as accessory…how do you balance fit with oversized garments….
Everyone has a style, we’re just not all as good at putting the pieces together as you, clearly, are! Your blog inspires me to be more of my authentic self….and to take risks…
Dear Lyn,
I couldn’t resist the invite to comment. on your dilemma: telling people what to wear when they ask you for your advice, etc. from We Need To Keep Talking “Style”: Part 1
I think people just want to be reassured their choices are good ones. Turning inward is a life long journey and fashion is no different; part of the journey. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with clothes to see how it makes one feel. But most people want to be told the how, the when, etc. rather than to take a risk. That risk is part of discovering, “Who am I?” But in their defense, the media plays a big role in how it influences one’s fashion styles. And this is what you are seeing.
I have to say on several occasions you shared most transparently (I commend you for that too) There are such a volume of these sorts of questions, requests and comments that I can think of numerous “products and experiences” I could create and monetize that would meet this demand.
But the fact is that you don’t plan to, if I read your blog correctly. I paused and thought, wow if she takes that path, then she is going against her own platform.
You are sharing fashion ideas. Perhaps you can lift the veil and explain if true, some of these images we see are arranged by various sets and their fashion assistants. If my assumption is correct, then your readers would understand that there is a line in the sand.
So I will be interested to see how you maneuver what must be tempting in one respect and terrifying in another. And so you must now realize you have crossed over the line to the other side, and as much as you wish to remain a pure academic, the public wants to own you. And in some respects they already do! This is the cost of fame! How much will you allow is the question.
As for me, I applaud all you do and say from one fashion minded instructor to another! I find your blog stimulating, provocative, and seductive!
I think what you say about risk is really true, that is the issue. Perhaps it is the building of spaces, virtual and real, where women can feel free to take a risk and experiment. There are also many women who have written to say that they always had a good sense of style but let it go as they got older. For this group it is not what I am wearing that was inspiring or that they are looking at but my attitude about wearing whatever I want and that makes them pull out those red lipsticks and stilettos again. They are not looking for direction as you suggest, just a bit of support. So I am interrupting the media messages which I think is a productive use of social media. Let’s think through how to do that even more!
Ive always though of ‘style’ as being something innate- everyone has a different style, it’s the internal becoming explicit. However there seems to be also’ ‘Style’ -those people who have a presence which impacts on others, but it is much more than clothes, it is personality. This moves people to emulate at best and steal at worst – because then it becomes inauthentic… loses its impact.
Yes I think you capture the dynamic, it is the interplay between internal and external resources.
Can I add something else Lyn? In order to create experiences to facilitate this process, we must encourage self awareness at even a basic level- so many people are driven by needs they are not aware of. Until people are able to identify their own values and allow these values to influence their choices, their true identity and how they can express it will be hidden from even themselves. We find ourselves back at inauthenticity and asking for others to dress us in something suitable / fitting.
Following this blog has given me access to artistry and food for thought that goes beyond what any monetized industry could produce. I’m interested not only in the choices in fabrics, silhouettes, and accessories that create arresting views of you, personally, but also in the cityscapes that Calvin creates with you. That you’re doing this NOT as an exercise in prescriptive fashion marketing but as a leader of what can become a practice of artistic self-development helps create the transition you seek. I think of this site as a kind of artist’s workshop where readers absorb ideas to use in their own artistic callings, rather than yet another outlet or purchase point for goods and services. Giving an equal opportunity to women of all sizes, ages, and financial resources to consider these topics is a great gift.
Just moments ago I got a catalog from a store and as I looked through, I realized that I have a very distinct "everyday" style, and a secondary "reach" style that I would be comfortable in. This catalog had plenty of stylish clothes that were lovely, but wouldn’t have been me at all. So why do I read blogs like yours? I don’t look like you or dress like you, but I like reading about how you put things together that turn out greater than the sum of their parts. While I don’t look to blogs and magazines as something to directly emulate, I do look for inspiration about coordinating colors, textures, or styles that I can interpret within my own wardrobe.
It can take a lifetime to understand who you are. No one should feel forbidden to look in the mirror every day of life’s journey, even again and again, whether ready to accept who they are, or not. Sometimes not feeling right about your style is a big signal that something else is off kilter in your life. You look in the mirror; you learn.
Bravo! I love YOUR style but it would not work for me at all. No offense intended just supporting what you said. I have a classic look, prefer slacks/tights as my nod to modernity, find that long tunics are my fashion avant guarde pieces these days and prefer to throw on a boyfriend blazer over a crisp, white tunic blouse to take me where I need to go. I love YOUR style because it is unique to you and thst encourages me to dress for me, my own style. Bless you Lynn.
I have always been annoyed when someone asks me where I bought something that I am wearing.
Style is personal and for me it is part of my joy in life.
Self love and care are exhibited through the choice I make to stay fit and looking good according to my opinion.
This is an in depth topic for me too!
I am a Children’s Librarian and I have to move all the time… So I love work clothes that allow for that… This usually is a longer skirt or dress.
Rarely pants….
I wear high low… Some expensive some Target or consignment finds….
Thank you for your inspiration and for being fearless.
It is thrilling to read such a thoughtful/intellectual approach to what is our daily means of self-expression–our style. I am so happy to have found your blog on the Vintage Contessa.
Being appropriate for the moment is important. Sometimes that means physical comfort; sometimes it means turning heads. I take pleasure in participating in the peacock parade that is the Saturday market in my southern French town, but I wouldn’t want all eyes on me at, say, a wedding, which is the couple’s event, not mine.
While I admire the style of some women, I don’t want to look down on those who seem unstylish–perhaps their priorities are with comfort rather than aesthetics? Those don’t have to be mutually exclusive (nor does budget) but it does require an eye. Maybe that is what the supplicating women are asking for. Or maybe they want a magic answer for the physical flaw that they obsess over (which perhaps nobody else even notices). In that case, the solution lies not in items of clothing but in their sense of self. A much harder nut to crack.
A first career in the theater informs my approach to “style.” For me clothes, very much project character or persona—the person I choose to be today. Another takeaway from costuming is its incredible construction–costumers refer to "building" a costume (rather than "making," "sewing" or "tailoring" the pieces). Costuming uses very traditional and labor-intensive methods such as custom-tailoring, boning and weighted hems.
Apropos of developing personal style, I think a key thing is to dress in ways that empower and delight you—rather than trying to please the eye of a beholder—man, woman, brand or street style guru (present company excluded!).
Personal style is always exciting and inspiring no matter what one’s age, body size or shape. A few other things:
*Get to know fabrics and sewing/tailoring techniques–especially study menswear, which still uses superior textiles and traditional tailoring. Most moderately-priced women’s apparel uses cheap fabric and crappy manufacture.
I was thinking I don’t care too much about the physical image I project to the world, but then I thought maybe not caring too much is my way of showing the world who I am? And if I started caring more, dressing differently, would that change who I am? Hmmm.
Thank you for this post. I am 60 and I like looking around to see what people are wearing and how they are styling themselves. I grew up with many fashion rules about white after Labor Day etc, so I am having fun trying new things and I want to have fun with my clothes. But so many of us are bewildered by it all. It becomes easier for someone to just tell us what to wear. I look forward to your posts!
When I retired from full time teaching, my peers asked if they could buy my clothes. I was taken aback in that, while a compliment , it sounded like they thought I was going to quit dressing nice. I kept all the jackets and wear with more casual pants or jeans. I only kept the skirts I could dress down. Also only kept what I truly love. I have some items that are 10+ years old and people rave about them. Tossed out the heels in favor of booties and flats. I follow fashion blogs and see that I already have the elements in my closet. I love to knit, so am always working on a fun piece to add to the wardrobe. I still teach a class 1-2 times a year at our local community college and never worry about what to wear.
Lyn; Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for opening this up to readers for comments. Having spent 30+ years in the retail, fashion and beauty industries and have found that many women want someone to tell them what to wear and how they look. When I asked clients if they liked who and what they saw in the mirror they stared at the clothes not themselves in the clothes. It was the rare client who looked at her whole self in the mirror. When this happened, combined with an outfit that she liked, there was a mental, emotional, and I believe, spiritual transformation. Tears usually followed and many shared that they felt empowered and confident because they not only liked what they saw, they also liked who they saw. It takes courage to really see ourselves and many of the women I have worked with won’t dare to do that. Most are more comfortable with getting someone else’s opinion.
I believe at some point we have to like, if not fall in love with the woman we see in the mirror. We have so much to offer. I think your idea of having a safe space where women can discover what works best for them is a good idea. That space would definitely need people/other women who have the patience to guide women through the process of discovery and acceptance. (As I write this, I realize this is the ministry/business I have been trying to develop over the past few years!) This journey takes time, as someone wrote earlier, a lifetime. But why not take the time to take care of ourselves and be honest with ourselves?!
I think you are successful because you appear comfortable and confident in your skin and self-image. So many women are not. Please keep doing what you are doing, because what you are doing is moving other women to try.
Hi Lyn
I’m quite new to your page (love it!) but can really identify with this! Over the last five years I feel like my own sense of style has finally emerged , I’m 39, and now people constantly ask me where I get my clothes. The majority of them are 2nd hand, (op-shopped we call it in New Zealand) because I feel the high street stores here don’t reflect my personality and I dress to suit me rather than follow fashion trends. I work in the optical industry and have a mainly female client base, I find it really interesting the different personality types and how some women have no opinion of how THEY want to look. This is what I enjoy most about my job, pushing boundaries, encouraging confidence and achieving the perfect combination of function and style for their new eyewear. Always emphasize your best features and love who you are. You do you.
Great thoughts on style vs. fashion. Style is so personal, we each define it for ourselves and it isn’t attached to a price tag or an "it" item. We need to ask ourselves these questions you’ve thoughtfully articulated before we run out and go buy things in an effort to be "stylish."
Inspiring women to look into the mirror and ask "who am I?" is a daunting quest, a beautiful one. It is an inside journey but if you achieve to help to get started and pack for that trip it would mean so much for so many. It goes right along with loving ourselves (truly) and not caring what others think about us (which always prevents us from loving ourselves and making those active choices you are talking about). Why don’t you interview women like yourself ? I always find inspiration in the strength of others.
Thank you for this thoughtful post, Lyn, and for the thoughtful comments, fellow subscribers. I’ll admit, I’m one of those women who used to put a lot of thought into my style, (and myself) but somewhere along the way I let things slides as life got busy with kids, career and projects. But at 47, I’m surfacing again, and ready and wanting to ‘look in the mirror’ to get to know myself again, and like what I see.
Re: what experiences do you think could help create this transition from external to internal/fashion to style, I love the suggestion of packing for a trip (and actually taking it).
Thinking through the places that inspire me and what I would do on a trip just for me, gets the creative juices flowing. Then thinking about what to wear for each part of the trip would be fun–something smart for the museum, comfortable for window shopping, a splash of sexy and sassy for evening.
Re: your question, Lyn, in a comment response about how to spread this new fashion ethic…. I think peer to peer is the most powerful way whether it’s on social media, or in person. The other day a co-worker complimented my (upgraded) look and I stammered something lame about why and how. I need to develop a quick statement that expresses confidence, gratitude and something authenticity about myself. A tall order for someone so new to journey. Any thoughts?
I can sew pretty expertly and for me the words designed experience means the right fabric and well made details. A black knit that hasn’t faded or pilled after 12 washings. RPL (rayon poly lycra) that drapes well. Fusible interfacing properly installed that won’t shred after 12 washings. Buttons that are actually sewn on correctly and the thread is not pulling out. Zipper pulls made from nice alloys that don’t break like the cheap pot metal pulls do. A great design poorly executed and poorly made is a true shame.
I feel confident about my style choices and confident about understanding when I am interested in taking a risk and trying something completely new. I know who I am. I know what I want to portray through fashion. Frankly, I have never needed or wanted detailed style guidance from your blog, your pictures are enough. I just like — or even love — some of the things you wear. My ask would be as simple as linking to the items you are wearing or similar items so I could buy them if I so chose.
I like to find things are are unique. I shop second hand (looking for clothes not made in China). I also buy things when I travel. Sometimes folkloric and inexpensive, sometimes "de la moda". I also admit to shopping online for sporty wear like Athleta, which really fits me. I’m lucky to be very athletic so I haven’t had to really change my style even though I’m 62. I’ll admit to not making a fashion statement every day. Often it’s just pants (either really skinny or really loose) and a tee shirt that fits, with no writing on it at all. Good looking shoes are important! I’ve bought footwear overseas that will be with me for a lifetime. The black leather riding boots from Uruguay were so comfortable that the day I bought them I walked 5 miles, and they have stood me well for 7 years now. That’s the way I like to shop.
Agree with you Lyn, style is personal. What we wear depends very much upon lifestyle, personality and body shape. Having worked as a fashion editor on women’s magazines I am accustomed to the makeover – as in any other industry, people always look to experts for advice . But I do think that the individual has to look very closely at themselves, be honest about what suits and what doesn’t and from there, develop their own aesthetic.
When I became a professional clown 25 years ago there were plenty of people who would tell me what I should wear, how I should talk, how I should act as you have stated in the article above and it took the joy out of clowning. I almost quit. But I found someone who taught me how to go inside and find my clown there and release it. Because of him I had over 25 years making a living bringing joy and laughter. It never occurred to me to think of fashion in the same manner. Thank you.
You know, I think there are some building block places to start with folks who are looking for advice. I would probably start with color palette as it relates to skin tone and move on to cut as it relates to body dimensions. But beyond that, my god, the sky is the limit. It’s all in your mind after that–a sense of playfulness, experimentation, discovery, and love. I rotate my clothing seasonally, and within the season by piece. I mix styles, fabrics, and themes. The compliment I’ve received that has pleased me most was a friend commenting that he can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen me in the same outfit, though I don’t have a large wardrobe by any stretch. And I’m inspired by random things–an old movie, a girl on the street, a picture I see online, a piece I try on that makes my heart sing.
The two most destructive phrases I heard growing up that I think many others have too are, "mutton dressed as lamb", and "when I’m old I shall wear purple". The first denigrates older women dressing as they please, and the second denigrates younger women dressing as they please! Both are bullshit. Dress as you please no matter how old you are. I’m 52, I know I serve as a fashion role model for others, and I hope to do that until the day I die. Thank you Lyn for being a role model and inspiration–I love your style.