Last Friday, late at night as I was packing yet again, I found myself crying and just not wanting to leave home. It stemmed from being overtired and a really busy schedule the month before. Now after the trip I was so teary about is over, I am so happy I went.
I flew to the West Coast to an event in Calistoga that I was being paid to produce content about. The category was beauty and the place was a spa. I always get a little anxious before my jobs and was already feeling overwhelmed. I felt as tight as that bug that kind of folds into itself and curls up in a ball. My slumped shoulders from bending over my computer were halfway there.
The first tiny letting go occurred in the car as we traveled through the beautiful Napa Valley and I began to breathe in air that was clean, fresh and light. The colors, especially the greens and purples, were pure and lovely. I guess the very first absence I noticed is that I live in a place that does not have clean air and is dirty. When you breathe air that is pure you discover that you are always breathing air that is thick and heavy with particulates and that comes with the territory in a large urban setting.
The second letting go occurred after checking in and settling into what was essentially my own cottage. Sliding doors opened onto an outdoor area with a trellis awning that kept me cool but allowed some soft sun to come through. Comfortable cushioned chairs and a foot rest let me recline and unfold a little more and lo and behold there was silence. It was strange and unfamiliar. As I sit here writing this from my home on a busy NYC avenue I am aware of the constant barrage of noise and fast moving sights that is ever present. I am never just sitting outside, I am always traveling through. I closed my eyes, just felt the softness of the air and lost the ever present impulse that I should or ought to be doing something. I just was.
The next time it happened was when I found myself having readily available and complimentary spring water everywhere I went. I could always choose still or sparkling. From the refrigerator in my studio, to the large urns of it filled with fruit or cucumbers and mint or bottles at every table, I realized that despite thinking so, I actually do not drink enough water. Having water so available also resulted in me drinking way less coffee and I did not experience my usual afternoon slump. There is also something to be said about drinking sparkling water with lime from a delicate and lovely goblet.
Beginning my day with a yoga class on fresh, fragrant and bright green grass in the early morning sun was a profound experience in that I realized the multiple benefits like stretching, paying attention to breathing and relaxing are not present in my exercise of choice and necessity: walking. My sore upper arms and back today show me that there are strength benefits too. A facial, an upper body massage and a soak in a mineral tub throughout the day found me completely uncurled and filled with a deep relaxation and sense of wellbeing. Wow, I really do not take as good care of myself as I thought I was.
Open, hydrated and rested I was treated to a cooking class that had us making and eating a meal that supported the anti-inflammatory eating plan suggested by the doctor who developed the products I had come to find out about. The smells, colors and simplicity of eating fresh produce and the relaxing ritual of patiently chopping and preparing food made me realize how infrequently I do this and how often I am eating on the run. The salad alone made me happy.
Despite thinking I was executing a fairly healthy lifestyle and feeling much gratitude about the good health I have been blessed with in spite of it all, I realized there is so much more I could institute to ensure it. I realized that my idea that beauty comes from the inside out is not just about knowing yourself and your sense of style but also from the state of health inside that shows in your skin and in your presentation to the world.
The final wisdom came from the Chief Marketing Officer of the brand who shared with me some research that the best time to make changes is not the New Year, as is the popular belief, but rather in conjunction with the beginning of the school year. You get new clothes, new notebooks and pencils and then you institute a new structure along with new habits and according to him, that makes it more likely that the changes will stick. So the timing is perfect for me to start buying some new vegetables along with new clothes and throwing some yoga classes into my new fall planner. As I move back into the academic calendar and prepare my transition out, the timing is just right.
Stay tuned to see what happens.
Do you ever find yourself starting new habits before “school starts” or are you a New Year person”?
My partner goes away every summer to work and I find myself curling in a ball in tense anticipation of the silence, the empty house. I am beginning to realise that what I lack is not his presence, but no awareness of my own presence. Prior to him going, I am starting to switch noise off ( tv/ radio) when I get a moment of being alone, and just breathe. Say to myself, I am enough. Kate Bush says “you’ve got a full house in your head tonight” and for me that is always true. So I’m starting now, not at new year or fall, right now…..and breathe.
School starts time and New Year are both times I reflect, change things up, look at new routines. I look forward to these times.
It is so interesting that you had such an enlightening experience on this trip. I live in California on the Central Coast. It is beautiful and the farm to table abundance of the food is one of the things I love. I am happy you got to experience the beauty of the west. The story of the trip is wonderful.
This is what I so love about your writing; you share your strengths and vulnerabilities. It is so refreshing. I felt this same way, unfolding, recently. I’ve been interviewing for a new position; I’m in a "fight", so to speak, to get back to a quiet part of the country. The pace has been and still is tough with driving hours through hectic traffic, booking flights, flying, rebooking flights, booking hotel stays, maintaining the car "health", etc. The place I most want to be resulted in this "unfolding". As we edged closer to the serene environment, I could feel myself relaxing, could smell the difference in the air coming through the airconditioning vents in the car, waded through zero traffic to make my interview, the school nestled within trees, invisible from the road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere…an oasis.
I don’t have a particular time of year in which I make changes; it seems to be an ongoing journey, a constant assessing, refining, and beautiful work at staying quiet and centered.
Noel and the big dog
Not only do you have style, you are a great writer worth listening to. The way you planted your words, one could feel the essence of your experience reeling off the pages.
I love the way you so visually describe that feeling of being the opposite to open to new experiences – ‘ I felt as tight as that bug that kind of folds into itself and curls up in a ball.’ I so identify with that sometimes and it’s nice to know someone so inspiring as you feels the same way often. I too travel for work – sometimes very far away but sometimes just to a different city a few hours away. I hate spending the night away from home and I always manage to convince myself that this job can’t really be suited to me if I feel this way when I go. That feeling of longing to be back in my home won’t leave me and it’s like a constant soft aching inside. But I love new experiences and the knowledge and growth that comes with them and when I get home, I’m so pleased and grateful for the opportunities they bring. I guess it’s about learning to appreciate those feelings of longing – not seeing them as an inconvenience but as an indication of happiness in your everyday life…
Your posts always make me think Lyn thank you!
The promise of change in September has always resonated with me more than January. It feels like the natural time to make changes and reassess things. In January it feels like more of a "should" than a want to.
Great writing and I loved the story which is essentially about nurturing ourselves I think .
According to behavioural scientists it takes an average of 66 days to form a ( healthy ?) habit ( I’m sure unhealthy ones are much quicker lol) . So if we start now by September we may be in a place of change for the better – we can mess up it’s not a linear process but what is important is to start –
So I’m rolling out of bed starting with my sun salutations , 5 tibeans snd 7 minute work out should only take 30 mins and if I can’t give myself 30 minutes out of 24 hrs then …. you can fill in the blanks – good luck to me you and anyone else namaste – just a quick snooze first tho zzzz
Honestly, though the New Year or the start of the school year are splendid times for reinvention, I don’t wait for the perfect time. If I get an overwhelming sense that life is feeling stale or disappointing in some way, it means I’m not challenging myself and that now is better than any other time to start something.
I go in and out of habits, but one habit that has stuck with me for some time is walking to work once or twice a week. It takes me about one hour to walk 3.5 miles, but it goes by quickly because I usually listen to a book on tape or a podcast in Spanish. Walking in the early morning in the city gives you that dose of fresh-ish air that I also wish I had more of. It’s also a set time that I can slow life down and just focus on myself for a bit. I can’t do work while I’m walking, so there’s no point in stressing about it on my walks! =D
As a musician whose season always starts in the fall, I lean toward September as new start time. Fall is my favorite season as well, and as I live now where true fall does not come, I miss it keenly. And I always loved new notebooks and pencils!
Since I work at a university, my "New Year" always starts in September, which is fitting, because fall is my favourite time of year (and when I usually visit NYC). I don’t do enough of the good things you experienced to take care of myself either, and yet when I do more stretching, eat more fresh food and drink more water, I notice I feel better. So why don’t I do it more often?
I create new habits (or try to break old ones) throughout the year as it comes up. I actually love the challenge! And theres’ always a date to mark on the calendar somewhere for starting new things, or realigning with better things for myself in life as needed. Thanks for sharing your insights! I love the topic of self-care ") It’s my work world and my blog world, too. Your descriptions here are lovely!
What an enjoyable read. And could so relate. Thanks Lyn.
Yes! I agree with the fresh-start-in-September strategy. I’ve always thought the New Year is a very difficult time to make changes, especially those related to better health because in the middle of winter all the evolutionary forces that are present urge us to hunker down, hibernate and eat foods that will sustain a protective layer of fat. Your post reminded me of a childhood memory: I always wanted to wear a new sweater and a wool skirt (often a kilt) on the first day of school. Fortunately my mother was there to warn me that it would still be very hot here in the midwest and I would be miserable in wool. (Secretly I thought it might be worth it anyway, but opted to talk mama’s advice.)
Thank you for taking us down this new road!
Nicely said , I feel healthier just reading!