Lately I have been having some difficulty finding something to wear. I know that sounds ridiculous as I have several racks of clothing in my home and packages come at least once a week. Usually there is a seamless coherence between who I am and what I decide to wear. I am most times quite sure about both. The word “rightness” means the quality or state of being true. In general I feel this sense of truth in how I chose to represent myself through my choice of clothing. I feel it says what I want to say about the time I am living in.
It is hard to tell if the trouble is within me or the problem lies with the clothes. Perhaps it is the cultural context we are living in at the moment where the concept of truth is no longer a reliable way to judge knowledge claims. It is probably all three as getting dressed is a transaction between my body, a garment and the context I am wearing it in. As a clinician and someone with a postmodern bent I have always understood the shaky nature of how we think about “truth” but these times make the instability of truth and how it is being used by those in power, a little frightening. Perhaps I am feeling a little bullied by the prescriptions of an industry still heavily invested in telling you what you should wear, should post, should be seen in and evaluates your worth accordingly.
The word rightness feels like a better goal as it is subjective, it is a state and it is something each of us knows for ourselves. It is not right or wrong, it just is and we are the ones who decide it. You can’t describe it, it is just known by you. The word rightness allows us to be in charge. It is a word that allows us to contain memory, imperfection, rebellion, deconstruction and reconstruction, as long as we are the ones identifying and feeling it.
I stumbled across someone on Instagram recently and I have been fascinated by her. She works for a very high end e-commerce platform as the styling director. Like me she favors oversized clothes, sunglasses and my secret obsession; tulle skirts. The skirt so hyper feminine, is often paired with T/s and men’s button down shirts. She is a fan of trench coats. But what I really love is that she often wears a pair of clearly favored silver sneakers and it is hard to tell if it is the shine of the silver or if they are worn and dirty. After seeing those sneakers for a few weeks and trying to determine which was which, I gave up. I went to my shoe shelf and found my four year old, worn, Chuck Taylor CDG Play sneakers that I have not been wearing because I felt they looked too dirty. There was a reason clearly they did not go into the bin. The last two days, I have been wearing them with jeans and an older, but still luxurious, merino wool sweater that makes me feel seductive and yes, playful.
Right now at this moment in time and for today this is my quite imperfect rightness and I feel at one with my clothes.
What is your moment of rightness with your clothes?
Another wonderful post, thank you ") Love how you tie in these different threads of our reality: how you’re feeling personally, how that’s reflected in what you wear, the effect of current affairs on our emotions, how our sense of worth can be swayed by outer environment…all such relevant threads. – My moment of rightness with my clothes is when I feel good inside. It flows out and helps me choose what to wear and more importantly for me, how to enjoy wearing it. Simple sounding, but that balance certainly works best when it’s there for me. – Thanks again for all your solid, thought provoking posts ")
Thank you for taking the time and effort to compose a thoughtful reply.
Thnxs, for the concept of rightness in accordance with clothes. ..It gives a different,a pensive perspective while bombarded with the autumn" must haves"…
Yes, I am not a fan of musts or shoulds!
NOW I understand why my 22 yo daughter doesn’t allow me to throw her dirty sneakers into the washing machine….
What a wonderful post! My moment came when I realized I did not look or feel good in suits, no mattter how feminine the cut, they all felt like I was struggling to “be and look” corporate. People reacted to me differently, but it never felt “right”. So I took time with myself and realized I was a skirt:dress person; still professional and corporate. So I invested in long sleeve, mid calf dresses with sweaters and soft jackets. No high heels, but low heels and flats. As I get closer to retirement, I’m slowly donating everything to charity and will have 7 pairs of jeans, tops, dresses, shoes, skirts, and a few jackets. If my dreams come true, I’ll be a teacher and photographer and won’t need to own much more than that. Lynn, you’re an inspiration and I’m grateful to have found your blog!?
I wish you good luck on your new adventures.
I completely relate to your comments and perspectives here on suits!-?.
I really appreciate this reflection and am relating to what you are saying. To add my 5 cents in, I love clothes and have found that over the last 2 years I have not bought anything from my fave ever clothing line here in New Zealand. I tend to buy timeless pieces and avoid the seasonal trends and therefore only lookout for heavy lifting stuff that will fill a gap in my wardrobe. Which I have not seen for some time. Feels like forever I have not been in there I will be a little embarrassed when I show my face again but I just wear what I have (mostly this store) and enjoy the heck out of it.
Finding what communicates your current feelings via clothing choices when the world is in flux is challenging.
I think we are all thrown a bit "off kilter". I feel it too.
I think you are drawn to the honesty of those shoes and thoughts of better times.
Suzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com
Yes perhaps you are on to something.
I was thinking today about a moment, many decades ago, when I had no money for new clothes and was given a deep blue cashmere turtleneck and found on sale a pair of "french" jeans that fit beautifully. I had stumbled into rightness and there was nothing else I wanted to wear.
To describe clothing choices as having a feeling of "rightness" works perfectly for me in the sense that I relax when this quality is there, having no worries about other points of view on my clothes.
The same is true for so many choices.
Thanks, Lyn!
Yes, it is almost like you forget you are actually wearing clothing!
You’ve captured it! Relaxing into the clothes, without thought of what others think. The fiber skin fits and expresses who I am being at that moment without distraction-teacher, maker, gardener…
Love your post, especially the "seamless coherence about what I am and what I decide to wear". I did find the times when I am not sure or I feel my closet is not right or in a mess, it’s a reflection of my self. It seems rediculous, but my closet do tell me it’s time to review deeper why I’m not feeling sure. It might be a time for change, transition or there are some parts of my life that I want to change or dispose of.
I can completely relate to this, thanks for sharing it.
I smiled when I read your post. Years ago there was a very attractive co-worker who would "swirl" into my office. Lots of fabric all draped all over her.. You first saw the clothing and then the attractive blond head poking out. Some time passed and she walked into my office, I looked up and was gobsmacked. There standing in front of me was this magnetic woman – simple cashmere sweater, sleek black pants, beautiful boots and stunning
earrings…that’s it. But what I saw first was not the clothes but the beautiful woman – her eyes, her walk, her smile….then the clothes. She told me a friend of hers was going into the styling business and she decided to be one of her first clients. She got rid of almost everything in her wardrobe and built a wardrobe with 2/3’s less clothing but had more to wear than she ever had because each piece was perfect….highlighting the woman so you noticed her first….then maybe the clothes.
I hired the same stylist and was never more happy when she purged my closet and left me with a trench coat, 1 pair of black pants, 1 pair of jeans, 2 sweaters, 1 shirt, 1 pair of boots, 1 pair of shoes and 1 purse. I went to London with that wardrobe and never felt more beautiful and confident because I focused on my hair, make-up and jewelry. She built me a wardrobe that today, 15 years later, I still have most of the pieces and still delight in how I look and feel . They are timeless, simple, elegant and I still get conpliments on how great I look.
You have that same style – you first see you, your individuality, your sensuality and your confidence…then you see the clothing which serves to highlights and showcases who you are. You see you first…then the clothing. Kudos…..SO few people can do that and you do it in spades!
You have a new dedicated follower now!
how can i find a good stylist?
as i’m starting a new life now at the age of 62 i’m looking for a new style and i love the rightness article … it’s what i’m feeling
This is a great story and a wonderful approach to styling. Thank you for sharing this.
Very inspiring and so very true, remaining essentially true and right to your self first and foremost. Thank you.
I use the criteria of whether an outfit feels "right" for me every morning. After taking into consideration what I will be doing that day and the weather, an outfit has to feel like me (and I can’t specifically define what that is). Now that we are moving into fall, and cooler temperatures, I find myself unsure of what to wear (and I have a lot of clothes too) after spending the summer in oversized floaty dresses and pants – my body-conscious cold weather wardrobe doesn’t feel quite right yet.
Converse will always be a classic, cool footwear choice.
Undefinable because you body feels it and perhaps there are no words.
I loved the picture of you. It reminded me of the paintings of the old masters (Titian) how they played with darkness and light . Ruth, London
Calvin is an artist I think.
I like the idea of ‘rightness’ and wearing what’s right for you. It’s important to be yourself. And yes, there does appear to be a lot of wrongness in the world right now. It’s really unsettling.
PS I live in knackered old sneakers
Knackered is such a very great word.
A good place to be and to have a sense of ‘rightness’ I too have at times that conflict with clothing and myself, I think possibly it is the myself when this occurs appreciated your post, keep enjoying those sneakers, your feet will be happy!
I have, and I have been very happy.
Like yourself I love oversized cloths, not only because they hide a multitude of sins, but there is so much you can do with them being oversized. I really must try and be brave enough to post some pic’s if you can do it and you look amazing then so can I. At 53 I always though ? I’m not sure people would look at me and what I’m wearing and think ‘ Boy that outfit looks so good’ however your an absolute inspiration and I’m definitely going to take my chances. x
Good for you, go for it.
I’m unable to relate to an individual who can just "throw something on" and head out the door and feel "right". Not only do I want to feel good with what I’m wearing, but I want to feel "right" – comfortable wearing it; otherwise, it becomes a long, tedious day. I find myself at a new place in what now feels comfortable. When skirts used to be a go-to, now, for me, it is jeans, trousers, and overalls. And it is not because I am trying to hide or cover-up; it has to do with a different attitude in how I carry myself. I don’t mean attitude as in a degree of haughtiness or arrogance, rather a different lens through which I now see myself. It’s certainly different now than five years ago. And where as I was never one to wear t-shirts, I now find myself drawn to their comfort, simplicity, and the quiet, casual, confident speak of them. I’ve also reached a place, certainly not a final destination, where I feel "right" and strong internally and because of that I’m comfortable understating my external. At the same time, I earnestly avoid "frenzy" in style and purchases. This "frenzy" troubles me in terms of fast fashion, how too many consumers blow through purschases in the name of affordability, style, mid-life, ageing, seasonal changes, etc. without considering that, according to chairwoman of The House of Commons Environmental Audit Committee, clothing consumption "…will account for more than a quarter of our total impact on climate change by 2050." "Rightness" – a compelling topic with many layers. As always, a wonderful blog post.
Noel & a big dog
I love how you describe the way that when you relate to clothing in this authentic way you are always evolving with a rich repertoire of ever-changing moods and feelings. Eloquent as always.
I don’t want to overthink this entry. My first thought was a recent memory in an upscale boutique. I saw two interesting pairs of shoes,-same designer. The new hire brought my size 6 1/2 M. And neither shoe fit. Nor did a size 7m. I am 95% ‘true to size’ without fit problems. The clerk told me my ‘feet were wrong.’ Several times. And I let her irk me. The thoughts in my mind were many-like, no, the shoes are cut wrong. They clearly made a mistake as the vamp doesn’t nestle the sole of my foot. The forefront of the shoe so low that one needed flat paddle shaped feet to slip your toes to the tip. The heel cup so wide it was loose, etc. It irked me that she didn’t see any problem at all with the design of the shoes. That she didn’t hear that she was alienating a patron who enjoys fashion.
In my eye, Fashion IS, period. No judgements. Sometimes I feel feminine, sometimes bawdy colorful, sometimes quiet minimal, or regal and embellished, or brassy masculine, or free spirit boho, or classic or biker. I use fashion to express externally feelings that may pass like clouds in the sky or may last as long as summer. Fashion communicates my interior IS-ness to the outside world. For me, fashion IS always in present time and consistently flowing and reflecting the roads I travel. Outside approval or agreement not required.
I absolutely relate 100%. And therein is the difference between fashion and personal
style.
Thank you Lyn for your post on Rightness and thank you Elle for your reply on Is-ness…that Fashion IS. You both have touched me more than you know. I’ve struggled with finding a path for physical expression – especially with fashion – as my body changes in my 50s from what it was in my 30s and 40s. Knowing that I don’t need a particular look but rather just to feel RIGHT in my clothes with the body I have right now is so simple, beautiful and easy. Thank you for the gift of your sharing and for blessing me with such a profound lesson in simply Be-ing me.
Maybe you are not present in the external but going within to the spiritual. There is a lot going on right now we have to assimilate and sometimes we need to find comfortable that allows us to go inward and avoid the material. It’s a kind of Yin and Yang sort of thing. It’s all about balance. You will come back with a fresh feeling for sure. xo
Always do!
The tennis shoes she wears are Golden Goose.
Thank you!