I know it’s been a while but I’ve been deeply engaged in my “Whatnowness”. Setting up a healthy routine, constructing a gentle work life and doing research and reading to help me understand what happened to me so it does not happen again. If I look back at photos from what I am now calling my “lost time”, I see that I’m never smiling nor do I look particularly happy, fashionable maybe happy no. I think I have come to grips with how fast the world is changing and at times in ways that do make me worried and unhappy. I was feeling all of this heaviness but it was what the brilliant analyst Christopher Bollas calls an “unthought known”. I knew it but could not access words for it and so could not make sense of what I was feeling.
I think what is happening is that the world is moving so fast, we don’t have the time we used to have to adapt and make sense of it and innovate all the new structures we need to keep us human and safe. Old ways of doing so are no longer working and we need to find new ones. I was caught in that vortex without a vehicle or a seat belt to contain me. So I just stopped. But guess what the world hurled forward without me. I feel that this is the essence of where we come to when we enter a “What Now” time. In this case, the answer is not withdrawing from the world but engaging with it on our terms and coming up with innovative responses that use all of this technology to make life better, not to keep the status quo going or to make a lot of money but to improve the quality of our lives. We need to ride with the current or go with the riptide. We know what happens when you try to fight it or brake in an ice storm. In this time, “What Now” might simply be to design a vehicle and comfortable seatbelt so we can go along for the ride and not fall off into oblivion before our time. I think for me it’s going to be writing, researching and talking to people who already figured out a vehicle.
My nature is to always err on the side of pragmatism and optimism so I have shifted my gaze to ferreting out small, local innovations that are tackling some of the issues that face us with that in mind. The thing about these innovations is that they are pragmatic. In a world where daily decisions are increasingly based on ideology, I support pragmatism. A pragmatic solution is not perfect but it is realistic and practical and not necessarily based on theory. It can help us right now, not far in the future because we have to change huge structures. Recently I have seen so many good ideas shot down because they aren’t perfect or “ideologically correct.” Those of us who have had a lifetime of asking ourselves, “What Now?”, accept that everything is constantly evolving and what or who we were before is not who we are today. As lifelong learners and thoughtful people, we are always refining, correcting, doing trial and error, or style and error as it relates to this blog. We understand that the process is everything and that we will never be perfect. That’s okay with us as long as we feel fulfilled.
I recently got approached by two technology initiatives in some ways addressing the same issue: the problem of falling, something that as we age creates some risk. One company invented an undergarment and work-out gear with technology that kicked in when it sensed muscle fatigue, supporting, balancing and holding the body upright. What I love about this is that it supports independence, movement, and expansive living which I for one want to embrace right now (as you can see in today’s photo). It does not deny that I am getting older and may need some assistance but it does it in a way that is so very respectful of the life I wish to have as an older person. It also meets my criteria of inclusion because it can be used by anyone, at any time of life or after any kind of occurrence that creates muscle fatigue or weakens them. The other was actually from a university innovation lab and excitedly wanted me to promote a device that would attach to a walker and transmit data to an app on my family’s phone such as the risk of falling and other status information like blood pressure. Why would I ever want my daughter in the middle of her busy workday to get a text that I was in danger of falling when there was nothing she could immediately do about it? So, of course, there will be a critique that one is for more privileged who can afford it and the other for those who can’t. But what if we started with the idea that quality of life is important for all persons and that should be where we start? What if fashion was something that all people could enjoy? So maybe this sounds idealistic but how about optimistic? Maybe it’s not there yet but it could be. What if we took all of the resources devoted to maintaining the status quo and put them to things that focus on the quality of life? Think of how fashion would need to change if that was its mission? Designing for the good of all the systems it interacts with, not the individual. Well as an optimistic pragmatist I am going to try and find more of these new ways of innovating. Maybe in our What Nows, we can discover things that never existed before as we are reinventing ourselves in a world offering the endless possibility and “unthought knowns”.
How is your “What Nowness?” going and what are you discovering about innovation?
In my late fifties it hit me that I was alone. In spite of having a loving husband, two children and great friends I realized I was all by myself. I saw that we’re all essentially alone. This new revelation truly terrified me! So I found myself reaching out to God. “Are you there”? “Hello…”. I got nothing, except for a vague notion that I should keep knocking. Then, slowly, He began to fill me with His presence. My panic began to subside. This process took years, was very slow (inch by painful inch), but the aloneness has been extinguished. It’s been replaced by TRUST. I am in His hands. I am His. I’m not a Bible-thumping fanatic, just a child of the seventies who has discovered what so many before me knew – that we are not alone.
How refreshing to read a blog that most certainly addresses my time of life! Like you (I assume) I do not live a life as a person who is ‘old.’ But, I am aging and in that regard I have to make certain adjustments; some of which cause me great consternation. I am an active person; formerly an exercise instructor and avid practitioner for most of my life. I love hiking, but have to take much greater care in the ‘falls’ department. I can no longer traipse downhill with my arthritic knees.
I love doing DIY and always have some sort of project going on. Right now, I am renovating an enclosed porch. The heat is really getting to me much more than it used to and I can’t put in the hours. Hey, for a while I was beating myself up about it, but I do realize that I am going to KEEP GOING at my own pace. Yes, somewhat slower and less graceful, perhaps. But, keep going I will.
As far as the world at large, I am disappointed and a little bit afraid of what society is coming to. I am of the age and era that we did a lot of things ourselves with what we had at hand. We are great innovators, problem-solvers. We value our human rights and certainly do not push others to be cookie-cutter images of our own selves.
I think in that as well, it is time to sit back and reflect; then to continue in the way we are used to behaving and hope that we still get some respect for it. Thank you for your blog and your wisdom! You are a lovely person!
Such an interesting post Lyn. Like you my “What Now” is in deep flux. My business/industry is caught up in this fast change and tendency toward lack of personal connection and mass consumption. Joy is greatly diminished in promoting this end. I wish I had the answers but I am keenly aware of it on a daily basis. Until I figure I’m sticking to trying to keep business as personal as possible, including selling products that I feel do improve quality of life. Thanks for bringing it up. It’s a important discussion and I look forward to hearing from others.
Hello, and thank you for this post! I need to reread it and think about it. I’m almost 64. This subject is very important to me, too!
I really appreciate this writing. I’m at new unfamiliar place in my life, since I recently retired and relocated to FL from NJ. It’s been very easy to settle into withdrawal mode, while I’m attempting to redefine my life and new found independence on my terms, but the world we currently live in makes me want to retreat to my safe place and be content to have a happy/safe existence. I’m only 57 years young and deep down inside I know there’s a lot more living and experiencing life’s unknowns to do, as well as stretching myself to explore what will fulfill my life in a vibrant, healthy, colorful way…without fear. You’re very inspiring…thanks for sharing of yourself.
I’m only 74. Life is moving very fast. I try to keep up. This is a daily challenge.
Good luck
One more thing, coincidently, my daughter and I had a long talk about what I have been feeling and how unhappy I realized I was/am and she said I’ve been lost for a while now, I thought that was interesting since you are calling it your lost time! I think maybe this might be a thing, are there more out there going through this? I bet there are!
After I retired from teaching high school students for 42 years (a job I loved), I was lost for two years! I ached over the loss of a big part of me which was gone forever. Four years after retirement, I do enjoy volunteering in various ways, helping my grown kids, organizing travel groups, and more, but nothing has “replaced” the joy of teaching. I have, however, learned gratitude for the true gift of teaching in my past life. Former students who have reached out to me with memories of our time together will never know what their comments have meant to me. I also realize that I no longer have the energy to be a teacher! LOL
Hi
Nice to see your blog it is too good
Yes. I had nearly 5 years of lost time. But for nearly 1 1/2 years I am living now. Much introspection and mind cleansing
Absolutely…the feeling of lost started for me when I turned 50, losing both of my parents and leaving a job I loved….I thought I was to old to start something new…not marketable. However decided I wanted to become a teacher and went back to University… forgot to mention..the menopause phase at the same time ?. Lots more going on at that time…but with support of my amazing son no husband… I took the leap and my son and I graduated at the same time. Being lost gave me the passion to pursue my dream and for the past 7 years have loved my job at the university and have made significant changes. My son moving out was also a difficult time but also another opportunity to re discover who I was. Turning 60…another time to reflect and come to terms with the physical changes and how to embrace and stay positive. Instgram has helped as I hear others stories. I guess what I am trying to say is that being lost leads to new opportunities ❤️
Absolutely…the feeling of lost started for me when I turned 50, losing both of my parents and leaving a job I loved….I thought I was to old to start something new…not marketable. However decided I wanted to become a teacher and went back to University… forgot to mention..the menopause phase at the same time ?. Lots more going on at that time…but with support of my amazing son and husband… I took the leap and my son and I graduated at the same time. Being lost gave me the passion to pursue my dream and for the past 7 years have loved my job at the university and have made significant changes. My son moving out was also a difficult time but also another opportunity to re discover who I was. Turning 60…another time to reflect and come to terms with the physical changes and how to embrace and stay positive. Instgram has helped as I hear others stories. I guess what I am trying to say is that being lost leads to new opportunities ❤️
What a wonderful perspective.
What Now in my 60’s means staying grateful for all the capacities I still have while acknowledging I will modify all sorts of things I never thought twice about in my younger years. Working in the garden is now done in stages rather than knocking it out in one day. Impatience & irritability about reality needs to be set aside for gratitude and respect for the gift you’ve made it this far!
You’ve never struck me as being unhappy in the least. You have the look of confidence and the expression of a model. “What Nowness” is so exciting. For me, I’ve cut back on my life of creating corporate mascot costumes and now I’m painting, designing custom artful clothing, and I’m creating a new innovative line of kitchen goods. ( I sew like EVERYTHING! ) I feel like I’ve recently graduated from college and I’m getting ready to strut my stuff in my first new gig. I’ll be 70 in January. I’m proud of myself.
You are a beautiful inspiration and I always bring my coffee over to my computer when your messages arrive. I join so many others today in a coffee cup toast to you. Thank you, thank you for your sharing, beautiful spirit. We love you so much.
This blog was so very helpful. I have been experiencing some of the same thoughts this Summer.
I have to stop and pause and say to myself that I am 72 years old now and it is perfectly okay to
Slow it down.
Your words are such an inspiration.
Thank you!
The ‘What Nowness?’ you are recognizing and searching for has been in the back of my mind for these past two years. I too was an educator in English and am now retired in my eighth decade. Finding meaning in every day life has become somewhat elusive. I am very active with music, politics, theater, reading, and always looking for distinctive fashionable attire. But, for whatever reason I feel an emptiness.
One thing I have found, is that meaningless time spent on social media is a relationship intimacy breaker. Long chats are infrequent. Precious eye contact diminishes and shared interests are no longer the focal point. I am now severely limiting my time visiting unimportant views into other people’s lives and bypassing all the eloquent self help messages. My lifelong philosophy that being an active part of nature gives one a grounding and satisfaction that can’t be duplicated is once again at the forefront of my thoughts. So, I am daily revisiting the natural world and finding a bit of ‘awakeness’ in the inviting creeks, gardens and woods that are at my doorstep. I am consciously spending evenings with my husband on the porch reading together, visiting or taking walks while sharing our day’s activities. This is just a beginning as the inner satisfaction is still wanting but it is a start.
And, as for the helpful aging gadgets…..the second one that alerts family members of difficulties is a no go. I very seldom relate any of my ‘inadequacies’ 🙂 to my children. I will chart my own path and decisions are mine to make with no interference, even though well intended.
We are about the same age and fashionistas. I too worry about taking a header. Im wondering in further depth what info came your way regarding a product to assist? My days of high heels as a fall hazard has come to an end. Love you and your post. NY girl here too.
I’m in a period of enormous transition, everything around me is changing — loved ones are dying, my husband stopped working, my job is ending etc. I don’t know what my “what nowness” is going to be. Perhaps it should be called my “what newness?” In any event, I enjoy reading about how you are approaching your life. And I agree on the “innovations” — one encourages the person who might be about to fall to become more aware of their risk, maintaining their independence. The other assumes you have people at your beck and call who can rush to help, which many of us don’t have. Keep writing and being beautiful!
You are echoing exactly my thoughts and feelings of late. I/we have been broken – but in the morning- “the smile goes on with the lipstick”and we carry on – because that is the easiest course of action- even though – we know deep down – but don’t want to admit it, it is not the right course. I too, feel that it is time to move forward- with changed parameters. I refuse to be defined by my age – but – sometimes there are things we need to admit – albeit – just to ourselves. Burnout for creatives (I believe) is almost inevitable- however – as the Phoenix- we will rise from the ashes of our previous existence & move forward, battle scarred but stronger & wiser in the long term. Thank you, for your thought provoking editorial, I support you in your move forward – even if you decide to make your move privately. Wishing you the best for your future
Yes! Quality of Living
I hope this is a standard, in a dizzying era of discarded standards, that can sustain me as I feel
much the same as you.
A Senior who took standards for granted. They were quite comforting for decades.
Disorientation with the changes to those standards.
Harder to absorb that change, as it is time to relax.
Past my prime for adapting.
I love this post. I love that you faced change and all that brings up. Yes, our lives individually have all sorts of challenges, one of which is age. And then there are all of the forces at every level of our collective lives. Fashion is a way of expressing optimism and beauty and gratitude. And also a celebration of the human spirit that adapts to just about everything. So fashion rules because it celebrates life our beautiful lives together. Lovely post! your words and the image inspire. Glad you are loving life! You inspire others to lift up their heads.
You used the word “engaged” and THAT is exactly what I am trying to do. I am trying to be “engaged” in the moment, with whomever I am with and whatever I am doing.
I am a multi- tasker extraordinaire – millions of things has assed but done. Now working on doing less and full engaged.
My word for 2019 was “genuine”
My word for 202 will be “ENGAGED” into “Whatnowness”.
Cheers!
Thank you for your post….. like most of the over 60 age group, we seem to be either Musing our Future’s all the way to some Shade of Panic …the spectrum seems endless… at nearly 74 I’m in the mix but on what appears The Road Less Traveled.
I’ve come to Happily Realize that I am ‘The Vehicle’ in which Life travels and since I’m still alive with my dreams in tact, I trust that God is directing my steps and that I will continue on my journey into my God Inspired Destiny.
Thank you for being the example of living your truth and sharing it with the rest of us.
God’s Speed and Blessing.
My goal at 68 is to stay strong. I exercise daily and trying to build bone density. I’m going to a innovative company in a few weeks called Osteostrong that enables you to build bone no matter what age. Something as simple as being able to sit and get up is so important and can make the difference between a long or short life expectancy. I also go to a chiropractor weekly to keep myself mobile. Health is number one for me. Also I love social media but have balanced my use of time in favor of real world activities. We have so many choices now a days and it is important to choose wisely and be in control, not overwhelmed. You are brilliant.
“What Newness” – the perfect answer to “What Nowness”. I believe there are many who have to go through the what nowness phase which includes more self-searching and conversation in order to discover the what newness phase. Which comes first, the Nowness or the Newness, depends on where a person is at any given point in life. I am inspired by your healthy lifestyle initiatives.
I think think this is my favorite of your writings. It blends social justice and fashion; this is lovely. Perhaps it is also because I feel a place of “what now” as my current career will need to end eventually. But when? If that happens, what now? Thank you.
You wake up one day, only to find your world has changed…I emphasize the YOUR…it’s a state of confusion and flux that need to be untangled and sorted out…BUT what is it that changed this day?…you realize that for months, even years, maybe, there was a molting process happening…people were entering and leaving your life…the world seemed to speed up, like an old record player but you liked the speed kept at 35… 78 seemed a speed that didn’t suit you…you shed ALL the rederoic, the rules, limitations and NEW regulations of a much expanded world…the molting shed everything but the essence of you…left you,to decide what it is that makes you happy and peaceful…handed You the decisions to be made in the world You own…I have a closet full of the right clothes for every occasion and the shoes and accessories to adorn myself as I feel appropriate…I extracted myself and went to a house I own on the ocean…I found myself drawn to it as if it was calling me…I brought sneakers and flip flops…yoga pants and tee shirts…a jacket hat and basic toiletries…NO makeup, No jewelry…No TV…Radio…and I locked my phone in the car…I wanted to be totally by myself…to hear my thoughts and quiet my soul so I could hear the message my heart wanted to reveal…I’ve witnessed many violent storms along those shores…heard the rumble of unsettled thunder …freeformed lightening that illuminated the darkened sky…it’s where I found the beauty of who I am in this, My World…looking into the mirror at a reflection of myself, my beauty…unpainted, pure, radiant …it’s where I found the beauty of the shape of my body that moved freely in my flip flops, tee shirt and yoga pants…I realized everything I hid behind because i was living in a world, not my own…I truly loved the freedom of being Me…I untangled myself from all the beliefs I no longer held onto…my heart and soul lifted to a renewed vision of myself…at this older age and the journey that brought me there…everything became beautiful and New…in a Newness I will navigate and own expressly for myself…I will again put on makeup when I choose and don my body in fancy clothes on occasion…but that pure beauty of this older luminescence will always be what I see , feel and own❤️?
I am with you! I recently moved back to Florida after living in Switzerland for almost two years. I had a specific mission related to my son’s health which I am happy to report was successful. Once we have finished unpacking and settling in, I intend to work on taking my knowledge, business experience, and political acumen to pay-it-forward. “Whatnowness” describes my current quest perfectly.
Aging can be an isolating experience. It was for my grandparents as they became more fragile and home-bound. They did not have the opportunities that exist today through technology to stay connected with family, friends, and the community. Thanks to technology, an abundance of organizations devoted to “baby boomers”, and advances in healthcare, our generation is able to stay engaged. I’m looking forward to my next chapter.
I wish you all the best!
I was so very excited to see your blog appear. And, as time moves on I am waiting for your ability to make change happen and you are still talking about yourself. The technology that attached to a walker or cane and can send a text -that is important. Instead you focus on who they sent the text to, a decision the user makes. You missed the point to remind us how quick you are to critique the errors of others. Did you know there is a bracelet and a chip that will help you find an Alzheimer’s patient who may go for a walk and get lost. How they went for the walk, stuff happens the good news it has been tested and works. You mentioned helping women our age with clothing, I wrote to you about a scam firm not even a return post. A second web site could list good bad and evil things for women. I am disappointed, your power which is always important I fear you wi become like the rest. All about Me.
Hello Angela, I understand what you’re saying and I feel your frustration; there definitely is not enough online representation of older women’s concerns. It sounds like you want more general information and helpful tips, but in my view this is not that sort of website. Lyn is one woman with a singular viewpoint, one which comes from her own life and experiences. That’s what she has to offer, and it is plenty. Change is certainly needed, but with all respect, expecting Lyn to “make change happen” is not realistic or fair. Like any of us, she can only speak for herself and she does this, eloquently, and asks for others to share their thoughts. It’s then up to us to step forward, speak up and join the conversation. It’s when multiple voices grow in chorus that a community, a collective sense of ourselves, comes into being. Only then can some iota of change start to happen.
Lyn happened to find her voice and platform ‘accidentally’ and she has her own way of describing what she hopes to do with it. I see her as exploring, sensing that there are new ways to think about how a woman lives her life, particularly in the later decades. She’s trying to articulate that, feeling her way and sharing the process with us. Many of us see echoes of our own experiences in her story and we respond. This might not be the content you wish to see, but it has power and value.
It takes a lot of courage (and a surprising amount of time) to put oneself out there on the internet. I also have a website; I write about art and old houses through the lens of my own work and experiences. When I started I thought it would be easy; I had lots to say and show. I was humbled to discover that it is not easy. It takes a surprising amount of time, thought and work, far more than I expected. It’s hard to decide how much to share and what to keep private, to find the words to say exactly what I mean, to offer something that is interesting, relevant and inspiring. Just doing this in my own small way has led me to have great admiration for people like Lyn, who do this regularly and for a much larger audience.
You clearly have a strong vision of the sort of content you’d like to see and I’m sure other older women would be very interested in the things you mention. Would you ever consider creating that content yourself? Starting a blog is not as complicated or as expensive as you might think. Companies such as WordPress make it very easy for beginners to get online and begin sharing their viewpoints. If you were not ready to take this step, perhaps you could write short pieces on the topics that interest you and submit them to existing websites, or to a local paper’s online edition. You clearly have passion and strong ideas, both of which are very much needed if older women are to have their voices heard online. I hope you will consider it, your voice and your contribution are needed. All the best to you.
Awesome response! I really enjoyed reading it.
Appreciated and enjoyed reading your very articulate and thoughtful response to Angela’s comment.
Linda B and Shelley, I worried I’d gotten off-topic from Lyn’s theme and had written too much. I also didn’t want to make Angela feel bad. Thank you for your nice comments.
lc
That’s a harsh critique. She isn’t here to coddle you or tell you what you should be doing. She is writing about her life and sharing her experiences with her opinion of those experiences attached. No one is telling you to read what she writes. If you want these things done perhaps you should spend the time and do them yourself instead of being the voice of discord?
While I understand Angela’s frustration, her post clarifies for me why I do not do my own blog. No matter what the topic, no matter how well written and shared in a vulnerable and open way, along come haters. I don’t want Angela to “feel bad” either but perhaps her post was generated out of already “feeling bad” about herself, her situation, or her life in general. Each of us in ways small and large can make a difference and this blog has made a huge difference in my life by just reading each and every post and the comments and discovering shared experiences in a community of women “of a certain age” that to much of society have become, essentially, invisible. Okay, Angela, here’s my challenge to you: every day say to yourself and to whatever higher power you would like to invite, “please make me a blessing to someone today.” If you follow what positive things come next I guarantee you will be less critical and demanding of others and have a more generous outlook on community – and life – if you do.
I have discovered that things are changing at an increasingly rapid pace. I teach in a university and am always changing course structure and methods of delivery in the classroom. This is based upon evidence of what works best or what is considered best practice. Because change occurs so rapidly, it can leave us feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, I wish things would just slow down a bit. However, in this technologically advanced age, I seriously doubt they will. I suppose the best way to deal with this rapid change is to become even more flexible and adaptable.
By the way, I love your style. Your writing is also amazing and at a very high level. God bless.
Th idea of an undergarment that supports our body sounds fantastic i live in Australia and would be interested in knowing more with the a hope to purchase Is here an email address or a website I could view ? Thanks for all your insightful blogs and wonderful fashion blogsI will attach my website but it is old work and need updating
Your writings always inspire me and make me think of how I’m living my life. Thank you so very much for your questions and your insight.
I think I saw you the other day going down the escalator to the Q train. Of course you looked fabulous and were a delight for my eyes. I love fashion and design, in general. I just turned 80 and, so far, this has been my best decade. Self-consciousness has virtually disappeared which makes for much more enjoyable and serene living. I feel gratitude every day. I’ve stopped reading while I eat; I want to pay attention to every delicious morsel of food. I want to be really present. I read the Times every morning and the horrendous state of the world and its people astound me. But then I remember that humans have always been this way. Meeting kind and lovely people along the way (of which there are many) brings me contentment and soften the blows of the other reality. If I can act with kindness and empathy in my interactions with others, that provides meaning for me.
Thanks again for your thoughtful ideas.
I’ve so appreciated reading through your process around “what now”. Today’s post, in particular, stimulated my own thinking on the same topic. I’m 72 y.o., recently semi-retired. I, too, struggle with ideological approaches to “what now”, mostly because they don’t fit who I am, but also because I recognize them as coming from a domain of thinking that has the least amount of value, which is not to say it doesn’t have any value. I’ve noticed the pragmatic approach of “trial and error” currently has more value for me, as long as I’m paying attention to and learning about the “me” and the “not me” (for where I am right now in my life) along the way of doing, and not just blindly doing. With the on-going experiences of trial and error, I’m finding myself more optimistic about life, and living in a more fully alive way. I’m noticing more clarity, specifically around intrinsic value, meaning, what things are important for me in my life with where I am right now. Understanding that we humans are all in motion, tomorrow, and the days ahead, are going to require a kind of mental flexibility that I can’t yet know, and yet I feel a little excitement that the steps I’m taking now are paving the way towards remaining fully alive until I’m not. Thank you for being willing to share your experience, and I feel certain all that you share is stimulating the thinking of many thousands of your followers.
What an articulate description of the never-ending process of becoming and being. Thank you, Merilyn.
My “What Nowness” is doing pretty well, since I have a strong belief in the greater American population with their pragmatism and common sense values. And, at 71, I am very much enjoying my computers, tablets and smartphone! I used to say, “If there is anything you want to know or learn, someone, somewhere, has written about it in encyclopedias and books. Now, if there is anything I want to know or learn how to do, someone, somewhere, has made a YouTube video of it, not necessarily because they are narcissistic, but from a genuine desire to help the next person accomplish a task more easily than they did, or pass on some helpful hints to make your project even better. I like that about us humans! I don’t feel lost when I need to change out the carbuerator on my Chinese ATV (couldn’t afford American or Canadian). I didn’t have to spend 350.00 with the local Chevy dealer to replace my door handle when it broke, because I was able to do it with the help of so many “friends” on YouTube for only 35.00! Twice! (Another handle broke later). I’ve gained confidence in my ability to do things for myself that I can’t afford to pay someone else to do, or have no one else around willing to do it for me. My independence is in tact, along with my health and physical ability to keep working part-time and enjoying the hobbies I love. But I also have a strong faith even thought I don’t practice any formal religion.
I am a pragmatist, and I have at least some degree of common sense, and like to think of possibilites, both postive and negative so I can do what I can at the present to help the first and ward off the second. I just love life, whereever I am, whatever I’m doing, and I’m in no hurry to leave it! From what I gather, neither are you!
Having retired one year ago, I have experienced many “what now “ moments. You gave my feelings a name! Thanks. Life has thrown lots of curveballs, but now I’m not afraid to swing the bat and take chances. I’m in a different stage of life, and I want to navigate through it laughing and smiling. I have rediscovered the artisan within and people love my stuff. I’m so glad to share my words with you.
I’m starting a new business, joined Weight Watchers and have lost 30lbs in a little over 2 months…oh yah, I recently turned 61! I’ve definitely been in a whatnowness for quite sometime. I’m reinventing myself and becoming the person I want to be not caring about others opinions! I’m becoming my own fashionista and loving every minute of it! Thanks in part to you and your inspiration!
I loved two of your phrases and have entered them into my list of sayings. One is your quote of ‘unthought knowns” I have certainly gone through periods of inchoate perceptions, the feeling that I am a bit in fog, but things are moving towards clarity. I had one for a long time last summer and emerged to redefine my values and get into some new fulfilling activities, like Scolio-Pilates and improv theater. As to tech, I have just purchased a small device that attaches to my upper back to alert me when I slump. My hope is that by making more conscious efforts to sit and stand erect, the muscles will develop to hold me there, this combined with the gym, Pilates and deep tissue massage. Life is now very good.
I like your comment of inclusive of all. I was intrigued by the wearable item you mentioned until you noted that it would not be affordable for all (in other words only people with money to spare could afford it). As for the other item, isn’t there enough of those items around to let someone get notified if you fall (those also have a monthly cost which should be covered by our healthcare but isn’t).
What I would like to see in what now is more of the things they have learned from the astronauts on how to lessen the effect of gravity on our aging bodies which is why we ache so much.
You have the words of my thoughts.
I enjoy your style. I look forward to you.
I love your insightful approach to being conscious of our existing changing times. I feel the same way about coming out of the old ways. I am constantly trying to invent a way for me to evolve. These times are wrought with unsettling moods. There are very few dynamics I recognize anymore. I want to be aware again of my surroundings. I’m no philosopher so I dont understand unthought knowns but I’d like to explore the possibilities. Enjoy your post, keep writing.
I live in the Greek-speaking Cyprus (Eastern Mediterranean) and in the religion practiced here, icons are very, very important! So, dear Icon, I do appreciate your writings and your musings; it suits my style! Your “Whatnowness” also resonates with me as in 12 days’ time I shall have completed my 75th year in this early dimension. I’m blessed with good health which I do help along in every way possible.
I really just wanted to express my gratitude for your time and effort to communicate you thought process and thus enhancing our lives on many levels. Keep going!
What an interesting topic. Focusing on the quality of life rather than the status quo. How nice it would be if fashion was more oriented that way, instead of cheap clothes that are made in sweat shops. I am learning to buy quality made clothes that cost more that truly make me happy, rather than bargains. Of course, there is still the thrift shop where you never know what you might find.
I recently had to put our beloved family dog to sleep and have been in a very blue state, but discover that the loss of this precious dog has opened up my soul. I am more in touch with others and everything around me. Was watching Wynton Marsalis speak at the Chatataqua Institute, as well as his brother Ellis and what I came away with was that we need to be aware of those around of us who might be suffering. You don’t have to look far away, it is all around you. As for what now for me I miss our dog terribly but now have the freedom to stay away from home more than a few hours at a time. It is bittersweet. I also take my time, resisting the urge to be busy as I see most people are, and just enjoy the moment and listen to my thoughts to decide how my day will go.
When I read this text well I can find myself in it, after al the years of struggles, denial and trying to give the best of the best of myself I think sometimes what have you’ve done during all those years?
The conclusion is that I have no more expectations about anyone or anything but I live “NOW”!
Everyday I innovate the “New Me” sometimes it’s hard because some people in my surrounding are surprised when I speak for myself and defending my thoughts!!!!
But the positive way of this personal trip is that I feel good an independent.
Last month my daughter and her family moved on to California (Silicon Valley) for her husbands job, I felt the emptiness that I couldn’t see her and missed my grandchildren, but the good thing is that I always try to stay up to date about new technologie and I use the tools every day that makes the balance between missing and communication more comfortable!
I agree when you write that everything change so quickly in a short time but I think when you try to be open for this changes you can find an completely different way to live your life in harmony.
When I see the change in “Fashion” well then I am glad that I follow the newest trends and innovations in the Fashion world and that I have the opportunity now at my age of 61 to wear my clothes on the way that I love with a personal touch no matter what others subscribe how to wear it without a Quilty feeling of can I wear this at my age?
But that’s why I follow you because you are an innovation for open minded, independent woman who loves fashion without losing their self!!!!
I am 66 and am so glad for all this innovation. Google maps is genius! The I phone is too. The I pad, all the Diversity in TV watching! I could go on & on. But! I always panic when something new is introduced & think “how am I ever going to be able to learn this new technology”. But I do learn it. However, not to the extent that there is sooo much more available that I haven’t even cracked yet!
My “What Nowness” ?………. Continue rowing my boat! Out on the lake in the Adirondacks, occasionally I stop, float, wonder, gaze, contemplate, rest, and just be. Once again, However, I pick up my oars and head for the shore. The shore is always my destination, because there lies my next creative challenge. I have learned that I am not in charge of my creative destinations. My inner need to create carries me forward. My role is to wait momentarily, and enjoy the rest, because once I start rowing again, it will be with determination!
I have to tell you, innovation is a trigger word for me. Possibly because I work in healthcare and see it bandied about as permission to claim value and charge astronomical fees. At best, at least in the medical field, value or innovation is marginal–not systemic.
Ironically many of the data models and platforms I create rely on examples from the fashion industry. One of my favorite sites reveals what I observe as an industry agnostic framework–Right product & price, Right timing, and better decisions. Innovation for me is aligning these seemingly unrelated edges into a surprising new network of What Nowness and evolving status quo into something tactile and wonderful.
Innovation is what keeps the world progressing however when it is used to promote false political rhetoric it can be damaging to individuals. The freedom of expressing ones opinion is a sacred right but when used to malign one it is not expressing truth. It is promoting a false narrative and is not freedom of speech when used in this manner . The gospel has one truth and that is “Do unto others as you have do to you.” Adjusting to changes in life can be difficult. In my case it is continuing life after the loss of a mate of 56 years. One must adapt or give up and live life in misery. I hope you find happiness in your future Brenda. You cousin – John
Interesting to contemplate that a garment could somehow be constructed to help prevent falls. I honestly can’t imagine how that would work, but certainly my own parents have had terrible falls that it would have been nice to prevent; and my sister, who has MS, also has injured herself falling many times. But the garment sounds like it would be cumbersome?! Not so practical. . .
Somehow, at this moment when so much is going haywire, I feel like how we individually choose to dress ourselves is a kind of armor against the swirl all around us. I would like to think we could focus more on the quality of life for everyone, but increasingly it feels urgent to focus more energy on saving our country and our planet. I am currently deeply immersed in family stuff, between supporting my daughter with her young baby and my mother, who seems to be dying (from so many falls and injuries!) But I am hoping that when things settle down in a few weeks or months I can devote time and energy to the larger world scene again, and I will certainly need my clothes to feel like armor when I go into battle.
I should note that what I mean when I say clothing as armor is that if I feel happy in my clothing and footwear, because of their color, fit and design, then somehow that helps me to feel strong and self-protected.
Retired five years. Still haven’t answered the question, but at least now it’s been verbalized. What now? Still don’t know, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I seem to be among a bunch of over scheduled women. I like to sit and think.
Was recently telling my husband this age feels akin to the Industrial Age; technology moved so rapidly, disrupting the human psyche. From it came the Transcendentalists seeking a means to achieve a place of peace. At the same time, it feels our nomophobia and vitriolic climate has leaned toward the concrete rather than greater thought, consideration, empathy, and compassion in the abstract, metaphysical with the rise of mass shootings. It feels a bit, if not more, an age of degeneration at the same time. Certainly fashion is a reach for the transcendent, as well as our ideal for equality and inclusion…beautiful, aspirational ontogeny, phylogeny, and sociogeny in our “newness”.
Noel
Definitely lots of food for thought here. I went back to some of your previous posts and was able to find two photos where you were half-smiling. I am also looking back on a post titled “grateful.” Maybe I will find more inspiration there on my whatnowness. Quality of life is an important topic not only as we age, but in all of our life stages. I am 61, and realize some activities need modification, although I am very healthy and active indeed. I still feel young, and I sometimes forget that I am not a 35 year old. I just read an article about the people of Italy being able to “do nothing” very well. Now that I am retired, I have perfected that art. There are endless choices as to how to fill my day. I have learned that meditation, reading, learning, taking a leisurely bike ride, thinking, napping, are all important pursuits. Clothing as quality of life options is a very interesting concept and futuristic. I enjoy reading your progressive thoughts. I look forward to your next post. Thank you, Accidental Icon.
I really liked this post. I too, at 62 am wondering what’s next. Dealing with not able to do those past things with the same physical vigor , has made me pause. I’m a retired Registered Nurse and have always taken care of others. I know am looking how do I take care of me.
Thanks for bringing this matter of age/living with the change of it into an arena for discussion. I had my 60th Birthday in February 2019. A trip to Rome – my fifth in my lifetime- this time to explore mine/another nation’s meaning of life. My ‘whatnowness’ in comparison to another, which often teases out the crux of the matter. During this time I tried (as best I could) to live like an occupant of Rome, not a tourist. Soaking up/feeling the nuances/human endeavour in magnificent basilicas, architecture, ancient to present day history, the stylish representation of a proud and lively people was enlightening! Why? I sensed that being part of the greater good and bad that came before is proof that we just keep going throughout to add to it. We are such a small part of this infinity and that fact enables us to go forward without fear and we can therefore enjoy the freedom we now have. There’s no actual detail here of how, I know, but the overall feeling is better, in my opinion. I once read a quote from, I believe, Seneca, a Roman Senator who regarding the ultimate said not to fear our day of passing as it becomes the anniversary of our eternity. I rather like the existential in that and that informs my whatnowness.
I have been following your journey into your own “whatnowness” mostly because I, like many other readers of your blog are going through a similar process and are looking for inspiration or validation of our own paths. Isn’t this a wonderful thing? 20 years ago, it wasn’t even conceivable that the internet will become such a big part of our lives and that trough blogs, we’ll be able to connect at a such extensive level as we do today. So I say yes to new technologies that improve the quality of life although it may be challenging at times to keep up with all these changes, new devices and systems.
As for the fashion industry, I believe it should still create for individual, just not only for the very young or very rich. It seems like our generation is not on their radar anymore, which I think pushes many of us to rebel and be loud so we get the feeling that we still exist and are visible, and still relevant.
I follow a French woman’s blog about style and fashion and she says that French women in general don’t wear Chanel, because it’s prohibitive for them.I couldn’t help but wonder how come a reputable brand like Chanel could not come up in so many years with a solution to create fashion for the normal, average French woman. How sad is to witness such an insensitive culture in the high fashion industry which creates clothes to feed the vanity of the rich, just to show off status. I think that is a change I would like to see in the fashion industry: good quality clothes for all, not cheap polyester garments at one end (fast fashion that is) and exorbitant garments at the other end. I have a feeling they may be even more profitable than they are now.
I work in metro newspapers and magazines, sometimes as a travel writer but largely as a sub-editor. It is a world that has changed out of all recognition since I started in it nearly 50 years ago and the speed with which change is happening gets only faster. Innovation in this environment is always for the systems, never the individual. It is a world of the young, the woke, the constantly engaged, the definitely not grey, and just keeping up can be exhausting.
I do, however, love the buzz of being part of the tribe and keeping going with the flow. I prefer to think me as swanlike: serene on the surface but paddling flat out underneath.
My “what nowness” is not so much what now as in looking forward but what works now. What makes me, the individual, feel good is firstly discovering recycle fashion. We have two excellent outlets near where I work that have a high turnover, take only certain labels or items that are good quality or edgy. I am able to buy regularly, have fun and I’m being good for the planet. My second feel-good is doing Duolingo on the bus ride in and out of town each day. Currently I’m on Swedish and love it.
Looking at earlier shots of you, I can see what you meant. I did not think you looked unhappy, more like edgy. Perhaps you were portraying a look that was expected.
Your article brought tears to my eyes. I sometimes feel the world is so different now and after retiring last year I feel so old. I need to change my thinking and am not sure how to go about it.
Do you remember a book titled “Passages”? What you’re describing appears to one such process. It’s comparable to changing religions in my sight . . . which does nonethless demonstrate the ability to choose different — and better for ones- self — beliefs. So much of a given belief comes simply with growing up . . . so have I really chosen my beliefs . . . or are they with others simply hitched to my view of ‘self’. Consider reading Byron Katie’s “A Mind at Home with Itself” — beautiful and boggling. My blessings!
Your words have an air to them that bring a sense of calm. Thanks for your perspective ❤️
Lyn, I am inspired by so many of your ideas and images but want to keep this brief in hopes that you’ll have time to respond. I am absolutely fascinated by this idea of the ‘unthought known’ and by your assessment of our times moving so fast that we need a process to make sense of it. I am a teacher and my high school students would benefit greatly from discussion and utilization of these ideas–may I cite you as a source? I would like to incorporate your wisdom as I help to guide them into this world. Thank you!!
Of course! Sorry for the late response.
I just adore you and y-u train of thought! I just hit 60 this year and I’m “becoming” aging!
As I sit in the stern of a little sailboat bobbing in the waters of the Salish Sea reading the update on “what-nowness…”, I feel fortunate. What a sense of community I feel reading all of your comments. Somehow I stumbled upon the Accidental Icon and have been reading the postings for about a year now. This is the first time I have ever replied online, heck I don’t even do product reviews. And yet I wanted to add my voice saying this blog about the musings of one woman’s struggles and successes with aging in this turbulent time has resonated with me. It validates my feelings…
I have spent my life thus far making thoughtful decisions and taking advantage of opportunities to stretch outside my comfort zone and have had a great time. Suddenly life got messy with retirement, a spouse with a scary medical diagnosis and a long distance move to get closer to my daughter and granddaughters. Definitely a ‘lost period ‘ for me and yet I can feel a ground swell of personal growth happening, a real period of intense re-evaluation and plotting my course. At 61, I want to make sure the next phase of my life is full of meaning and adventures. It may lack originality and freshness, but Carpe Diem is not a bad motto.
With 65 just around the corner and a few past falls I just had to face the fact, I’m not as nimble as I was at 25. I took a stern look at the things I do have control of and made a few “New Rules”. The first was “I will not carry items down stairs if I cannot see my feet”. I had two falls in past years because I didn’t see that last step! I told my family “you are going to have to help me carry big stuff downstairs” and I got a big laundry style bag that goes over my shoulder that allows me hang on to the stair railing with one hand and still see the steps. I no longer climb the 8ft step ladder if I am alone in the house either. Common sense rules! Believe me, if I lived alone I would get one of those alert dodads!
I rest when I am tired, have learned to joy of a nap when needed (I am not sure if I am a night owl or a vampire!) and refuse to the “you can’t do that at your age” people! If my body say I can, I will!
Same as Fashion. If it suits me I’ll wear it! I don’t care if my style is outlandish to some. At this age I have learned to lead rather than follow the fashion gurus!
Great reading and insights. As part of the baby boomer generation myself, it is difficult to let go of traditions and old standards, but have realized that life moves on and it is a part of our evolution. I have recently let go of so many of my old “habits” and have become more comfortable with what is going on in the world. I’m very open minded, but family ties and certain friendships tend to live in the dark ages and create a regression at times in my thinking. I do carefully select current events and global news, as to not “pollute” my spirit. I’m a firm believer there is more good in the world than what people get to see or the media reports. I have become more in tune with my spirituality and embrace life in a more and positive way. Even in difficult times, that difficulty is a passage to a new beginning or outlook. We need have some contrast to seek change.
I have fought the idea of aging, but recently recognize that is a privilege for the human body to have housed a beautiful soul, that has earned experiences and has become a connection to others. Innovations, well I still ask for help here and there when it comes to gadgets, but can say I have enough know how to stay happy and content with what I do.
I’m on social media, can text, photograph, posts, etc. That keeps me happy and current for most part. But I’m open to new things as they come along and help my lifestyle. All is well, there are blessings and joy that come with each day.
Thanks for sharing.
Dear accidentalicon. I have followed uour blog gor a while now as I am also at “what now” I was retrenched from my work two years ago , two years before my planned pensionable age for retirement I have since felt cheated of mt twi years but cant make any sence out of it What is two years?? It seems that that is it now, life should be over. Everyday I pick myself up to carry on what is required of me by the family but the end of the day. u am no further than yesterday I am irritated by life,people,politics,economy…Any suggestions for me or is it time I need and must be patient Thank you Jane from Durban South Africa
I am not quite at what now yet, but at 50 I’m starting to think about it and realize I need to learn more about myself to get through it more easily when I get there. I very much appreciate reading about your insights – your blog kicked off a prominent part of my self discovery journey. I don’t remember how I came across it the first time, but it inspired me to look for and subscribe to more content from and about women, find related books, and become active on instagram to follow you and others offering thoughts on life and fashion (I’ve got a lot to learn about both). Thank you for your time and willingness to share.
Good morning.
As a contemporary, I am very interested in the fall prevention technologies–for myself–but even more so for the people I support. I am director of nursing for a large non-profit serving people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. My “peeps” are getting older, frailer and falls seems to occur all to often.
Many thanks for any information you might be able to share.
The company is called Seismatic
Find your zen. Make your own happiness. Believe there are people that respect and care about you. I will be 60 the end of the month. My cousin is 62 he committed suicide yesterday. Make it work.
Amazing dress! Added to my wish list.
Your post really struck a cord with me. I just turned 56 and as I question where the time has gone, I am beginning to reflect on my own “What Nowness”. I’ve had a very successful job in Corporate America, but frankly I am feeling unmotivated, uninspired, etc. etc, which is leading me to think more and more about what my next journey will be. I have a background in Fashion, which is my true passion. I want to inspire women over 50 to embrace this time of their life, remain confident or gain confidence through fashion, self wellness, and enhancing their own unique personal style.
As older women, we are not done yet by any stretch of the imagination!! We have life experience, we’ve been through life’s ups and downs. We owe it to ourselves and the younger women behind us to share our experiences and to show them that getting older isn’t something to dread but rather something to embrace and flourish in.
By writing this comment, I think I just figured out what my next journey will be. Time to get busy!!
Yes, our challenge is to not be nostalgic, to take the best of the past but stay current with the technology and skills we need to be particpants.