“Work is the one thing you can count on. Everything else is fragile,”
Lately, I’ve been feeling exhausted. When in this state it’s easier to get sucked into the mindless waste of time called too much social media and not always doing the things that are good for you like not getting enough sleep, indulging in junk food, and not saying no to the countless emails I get from PR people offering gifts of “things” I really don’t need. I confess I stayed up too late a couple of nights to binge on the Netflix series, MAID. I’m obsessed with it. It details the struggle of a young mother and her ability to leave an abusive relationship when she has no funds and the systems that are set up to help her actually don’t. It explores the nature of “work”, particularly service work, and may help us all better understand “The Great Resignation” we are experiencing among workers these days. Of course, there is the wear and tear of dealing with my mother’s condition and all the new diagnoses like languishing, ambivalent grief, and other pandemic associated ills, but I know myself enough to know which kind of tiredness goes in which box. This feels like something else. Something familiar but I can’t quite put my finger on it. What it is has been elusive until now.
Fate has blessed me with the perk in my life that people (and books and TV shows) come into it when I most need them to. About 5 months ago, introduced through Instagram, I met a woman named Christine Platt AKA The Afrominimalist. Having just published a book, she generously sent me a copy along with a lovely package of thoughtful objects. The book, The Afrominimalist’s Guide to Living With Less, was exciting to receive as I am on the quest to live a slower, more intentional life with fewer things. While Minimalism is both the aesthetic and the philosophy we most associate with living with less, it is often rather barren, antiseptic, and lacks those personal embellishes and details that denote authenticity and give us an understanding of the life of the person who lives there. While I like many of the pieces associated with minimalist fashion, it always needs something additive and can’t express personality if left entirely on its own. There must be a dash of flair or originality to make it yours. A natural-born “pusher of the envelope”, like someone else we know, Christine set about doing minimalism her way and the result is a roadmap to living with less authentically and with intention rather than an imposed design aesthetic. Here, you become the designer. She begins by helping us look at our history (and the importance of culture, including language and our positionality) to understand why we find it so hard to live with less and so hard to let things go.
I’ve excavated my history in the past and understand that childhood experiences of living with less the consequences of your parents never having enough money and the anxiety (and humiliation) you witnessed and experienced around that fact results in a worrisome scarcity approach even when objectively it’s clear you have enough. I don’t think that many understand that poverty is a trauma, it lives in your body in things like bad teeth or bow legs from rickets and through behaviors that are no longer functional or necessary. I’ve had a binge and purge relationship with “things”. This worldview was reinforced by times as a young adult I did not have money and my long-time social work career working primarily with women who never had enough to sometimes feed their children or pay the rent forcing them to depend on partners or employers who oftentimes abused or exploited them in some way. These memories returned while watching MAID to where I had a visceral, physical experience. Doing that work was like living with a big red flashing light that kept reminding me of what happens if somehow you fall into the situation of “not having enough”. Either you had experienced what she had, or you feared you would. Despite the privilege of whiteness and education that protected me from many of my clients’ fate, my stomach remained in a perpetually knotted state whenever I thought about money, which meant having to work as much as I could because that brought independence and safety. The main character in MAID had privilege too; she was white, pretty, and smart and that made people want to give and do things for her. It’s not that acknowledging privilege takes away your experience, or hers, as many people mistakenly believe it does, it’s knowing that same experience is just harder for others than it is for you because of things they have no control over and things you may not realize you have.
I found it easy to apply Christine’s lessons to the “things” in my life and how I’m thinking about design in my new home but it was only when I tuned into a conversation she was having with another woman who inspires me, Rachel Cargle, that an epiphany came like a ton of the pavers waiting to be turned into a patio in my backyard. Perhaps the ground was prepared by MAID to receive the fertile seeds of insight that sprouted. Christine mentioned these principles could apply to anything, even our work. I never thought about work as being the “thing” in my life that I’ve had too much of or that I can’t let go of. Fueled by the terror of one day there will not be enough money in my account to pay my bills (often irrational but a powerful motivator), there has never been a time in my life where I’ve just had one job (even when that one would have been enough). When I turned 16, I got a job in an A & P but still held on to all my babysitting jobs besides a heavy load of schoolwork and extracurricular. I worked three service jobs in college and worked as a nurse’s aide during my first master’s degree. All my full-time social work jobs were supplemented with trainings, private practice, consulting work, and even a part-time job in another agency. My other degrees were from programs that allowed me to work full time at the same time. While an academic with a very heavy teaching load of 4-4, I worked on grants and projects for additional income and eventually started Accidental Icon, where I was generating more income than at any other time of my life. After five years of an insane schedule, I thought I could retire from academia without the attendant anxiety, but signed up as a consultant for a five-year grant just to “hedge my bets”. The pandemic gave my work-related beliefs more credibility as it half reduced my income (still enough, by the way). How do I respond? Sign up for another grant. “I just need to get through until I am 70”, I say, “because then I can access my retirement money.” “Then I will stop working.” Knowing full well I won’t, as I am already negotiating something that will extend past 70. As I become older I realize the thought of living on a fixed income while possibly not having the option of working to supplement it, obviously was contributing to my intense need to be working now. As my mother’s mind began to slip away she started to engage in hoarding behavior, her response to loss. On visits, I would find pats of butter, fruit, sugar packets, and whatever else she could squirrel away from the dining room inside the seat of her walker, sometimes rancid and rotten from being there too long. It makes me wonder what all this “hoarding” of jobs has done to my insides too.
In this mindset, aptly described by the quote at the beginning of this post, relying on anyone else to provide financial support, like your partner, even when they attempt to reassure you that all will be fine, is not something that quells that dread when you sit down to pay those monthly bills. It also does not factor in or give a monetary value to the amount of caring work for children, family members, and parents that are happening alongside these many jobs adding to the feeling of exhaustion. It does not include cooking, cleaning, and project managing our renovations things I continue to do myself. This worldview is not something that can be physically sustained in older life and perhaps that’s why I am now being compelled to reckon with it. That and the upstairs bathroom that desperately needs cleaning.
I find that what I want to do when I am happiest is write, work on my house and garden, and spend time with my granddaughter. So I push in enormous blocks of time to do these things. This means I’m doing some sort of work from 6:00 AM to 7:30 PM and some nights like last Wednesday, well beyond when I arrived home at 11:00 PM. Here’s the epiphany: I found the right box to fit my exhaustion in; I have way more work than I really should have in my life or NEED to have in my life. Worst of all, most of it does not even inspire me or make me happy anymore. How much do I really need to live healthily and to be happy? To be secure in my older life? It’s far less than I ever would have imagined in my delusional world of fear.
I’m ready to apply Christine’s process to my work and figure out how to develop an intentional, sustainable, authentic, MINIMALIST and happiness producing relationship to “work” however I may define it. She’s like a therapist who is treating my “work disorder”. I know I’d like to continue doing some form of it, for the other things I get from it that are not monetary in value. Wouldn’t that be interesting to create a different value system than money around the work that we do? Because it’s very important for me to note that all the work I’ve done in all its various forms brought moments of joy and beauty to my life; it’s just that there was too fear-driven much of it to even enjoy it more than I did in those fleeting moments.
I’ve got the history part and the why I find it so hard to let go down. I have to slowly take much smaller bites of it, and pause long enough to feel that I’m full. Then I can get on to the fun part; designing an intentional, minimalist, and authentic approach to the work I want to do as I get old.
What’s your relationship like with work? How has it changed as you get older and how are you thinking about it now?
I am ‘slightly’ handicapped and I work from home. I walk slowly so it takes a longer time for me to accomplish things. That said, I get up and work on projects every day and into the night. I paint every day for three hours. Even if there is no reason, I make and build things. As someone who cannot go out and get whatever I want whenever I want..minimalism is a mystery and sounds sterile and bland. It is not for me. I don’t have too many things…I share with others in need. Embrace work. It is enjoyable and fun if you are doing what you love. It is a means to an end when you need money to survive.
Work defines us. Whether we work for our own worth or work to genuinely identify our purpose.
Through all the phases of our lives we have always had multiple roles and work tasks…it find at 73 it does not stop whether you give retirement a date or age. If you exist you are still working…you only need to decide ar what and how much do you really want to do.
I have always worked, ever since I snagged a Saturday job at 15 in our town’s first women’s clothing “boutique” (how exotic, hip and breathless it felt).
My contemporaries have retired, but I am still going. A car accident robbed me of my livelihood ten years ago, so I went back to school, twice.
Something about being of use, helping, supporting. Something about having the bit between my teeth (They Shoot Horses Don’t They?) and not knowing how to let it go. Something about the thrill of being relevant. Something about purpose. We all have our reasons.
And each and every thing you listed has been tied to longevity.
Like you I have always had the fear of being without money, not producing enough and working too hard. With divorce and single motherhood that fear intensified. Working on commission fueled the fire. That always looming fear if “what if I don’t make enough”. Of course every year I’v made more, put my daughter through college, bought a home and have been able to travel.
The pandemic changed my thought pattern completely. During lock down I was unable to work for over 2 months in my profession as a hairstylist. I was forced to slow down. I made bread, planted a garden and got a puppy. Because of some unexpected circumstances going back to work in my salon became a challenge. So I opened my own business. A private hair studio. Perfect now I could really work more intentionally. I could switch to 4 days a week. Work less hours. Be my own boss!
I think I’m getting closer to succeeding in mindful work, but I’m going to read the book you’ve recommended!
Thank you…and thank you for always for you wise, interesting and inspiring thoughts!
Thank you. I look forward to your musings. You described perfectly why I have such a sense of insecurity, and a collection of things, that seem overwhelming. My early life and the association with lack due to my family always having barely enough money was much as you described. In late adolescence my fiance died by drowning; and then twenty five years later, my husband died unexpectedly. The intense shock and grief did a number on me that I still cannot shake as I approach 70.
Your insights somehow helps to have it defined, and maybe I can actually build on that. But I still do not have a clear path to feeling secure, or being able to manage monthly bills without anxiety, especially since the pandemic destroyed my business. Rebuilding it seems exhausting and no path is becoming clear to me – yet. There is that optimism I’ve been blessed with that gives me hope; but security continues to be just out of grasp.
This piece has really struck a chord I too have childhood issues re ‘stuff’ but the thing that grabbed me was dressing with intention. I have studied fashion Feng Shui over lockdown and there are so many similarities to what you describe. Thank you for your thoughts and writing
This post arrived in my mailbox at exactly the right time. Although I am a tenured professor with over 30 years of experience, I am facing the very real possibility of losing my job, as there is a plan at my university to reduce faculty by 40%. While I probably could retire now–and after my younger brother died unexpectedly at 61, I seriously thought that I would not keep working indefinitely so that I could enjoy life more–I find myself increasingly anxious about the possibility of redundancy.
I am in a much better position than my early- or mid-career colleagues, and I could re-frame this situation as one of opportunity vs. loss, but as a one-income household, scarcity terrifies me. At the same time, I feel the impetus to purge my belongings in preparation for downsizing my living space. I suppose that is a benefit of the anxiety I feel, and maybe that’s a good thng.
Such an interesting and thoughtful piece. I have a similar history with work and “doing”, while growing up with anything I needed or, many times, wanted. For me, it was the need to accomplish. To see results. And now, as I am also getting older, I am worried constantly about money. Even though, like you, I have plenty to get by. Thank you for the wonderful insight.
Ouch. Brilliant and intensely relatable. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
As always, “nail on the head,”you’ve mirrored my own experience (a relief and surprise) and inspired an honest look at myself.
I have filled my life with both things and work. As a confirmed minimalist – in my head anyway – I continue to struggle with this issue. It’s a love/resentment relationship. I love meaningful things and work projects, but resent not having enough room/time to really enjoy their meaning.
Thank you for more insight into my own behavior, another tool (I look forward to the book), and as always, for sharing yourself with us!
What a timely and beautiful article! It is so helpful for me at this time. I am most fulfilled when teaching and sharing wisdom. At almost 75 years old, I see no end to the service that I can do to help younger women and that the value I have at this age and the respect I receive fuels on the wish to be who I truly am. Others see my worth and give me compliments and tell me how much I have helped them, but just lately it took me watching my own zoom videos to see and understand that objectively speaking, I am a brilliant, funny, sweet-natured, intuitive, natural spiritual teacher! I own it now. I am THAT which when I am teaching flows through me effortlessly. When I teach, I know that I am connected to the source of all. Just as you, I am minimizing. My sister said I was a book hoarder, so more easily than I thought it would be, I emptied shelves to send to a yoga association to help yoga students, to send to a Tibetan Buddhist temple and to send to a spiritualist church. The books are amazing, but weren’t being appreciated and were a burden to me. They will be a joy to others and I let go!
I loooved this post. I’m 49 and have always had my career and some side consulting. Some days are heavy…I still have a son at home who is 16. Looking forward to semi-retirement in 8 years. I have an 8-year plan which includes getting rid of a big house and my current lifestyle.
My wake up call has been my SO. He lives in the country and has his own private practice. He left the suburbs many years ago. I would like a life with a smaller carbon-clutter-stress footprint. I’m currently living that part-time and I love it!
I love my work. Side consulting and other jobs (yoga and Spinning instructor) have given me skills that are precious. But I have come to realize during this pandemic that I have to put those other skills to better use in my next phase.
Very insightful…
This was a beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing.
we need to talk have coffee…commiserate…..facetime…. yes…
I grew up under very poor circumstances. My mother retired with practically no resources. As I helped her move to my brother’s property in California, I decided I would never face retirement with no resources.
So I started living within my income and investing money at a young age. I am fascinated by your comment ‘she was white, pretty and smart and that made people want… to do things for her.” I never knew this is common. Very successful men have volunteered to help me with my investments over 30 or 4o years. I consider myself beyond fortunate and am grateful for what I have.
I retired 12 years ago and am comfortable with my circumstances.
Twice in my life I had problems I couldn’t sort out so I went to therapy. Both times I came to understand exactly what was wrong and moved forward with ease. You can too.
You have an in-depth, comprehensive understanding of what influenced you and what is wrong now but there is a flaw in your thinking that a good therapist will uncover. Trust me.
Oh my goodness. This post came at precisely the right time for me. I suspect we are all doing this in one way or another, though. I’m really reassessing my relationship to my work and my busy-ness. What am I really “getting” from it all. Thank you, I needed to read this.
My dear friend has been sending me your Posts and I’m blown away that I was not the only one to have very little growing up. However, I’ve come to realize, first, my parents did the best they could, (emigrants) What I had was more than they had, and it was enough at the time. Enrolled in the Catholic school, just down the street, tuition was $50 per year and the requirement of $5 a week in the Sunday Basket. My family almost could not afford that and would be brought to task by a fellow neighbor – who definitely had more than us.
My mother had such an incredible work ethic, rain or shine, (living in Detroit, rain was usually 3 ft of snow.)She walked a few blocks to get her first bus, than another, yep two different busses…with hopes she would get home.
I recently retired, was making more money for almost 10 years than I could have imagined. A hip surgery and the Pandemic, also slow me down. I discussed with my husband of 23 years that I was having panic attacks about returning to my work and wanted to pursue my art…full-time. Worked out the financials and here I sit in my cozy art studio, loving what I doing…(waiting for promised business) and feeling so guilty for no funds really coming in…hmm…my skills have improved…
All through my life there have been BIG struggles, whether on my own and later with husband (married for love.) A wonderful anonymous program – came into my life 30y yrs ago – a much despised boss -shipped me off to a Farm. This is where I learned to think differently and realize faith without working for it, is absolutely necessary and more will be revealed along my journey. (keep on painting)
I guess I needed to put down in words what has been bothering me and be grateful for my friend who sent your post and to the many others who shared their struggles…I AM NOT ALONE.
My husband suggested I might apply for a guard job at a local museum…what does that mean…another thing to ponder…
What an inspiring story! An yes you are absolutely not alone.
You are lucky that you have a lot of work. As a writer of non-fiction I have not found a lot of work. And I worry as you do about Not having enough.
Lovely article about the perils and pearls of the human condition known as fear.
Diane
I’m working on a similar baby step plan to back off by 68 (3 years from now). Accountability to someone besides yourself is key for me. Succession plan is in place in my nonprofit job as chief fundraiser. Now all the other “jobs” are being examined. Thank you for this piece!
Your writing here really brought me back to a time my father had an accident and we were suddenly poor. I went to junior high school in Salvation Army clothing, praying no one would say, “that’s the sweater my mother gave to The Poor!” It never occurred the impact that has had on my burgeoning closet.
Thank you!
This is such a worthy read. I will keep it (not because I am a hoarder-lol) but because it has so much wisdom to ponder. Thank you .
Your words resonate so deeply with me! I have a small handcrafted jewelry business that I have grown over the last 25 years. To keep up with the demand I needed to hire assistants. I adored bringing on young jewelry designer/makers to work with me and applauded when they would ” fly the nest” and devote full time to their lines. They typically stayed with me for a year or so before their young lives took a turn. This did mean a revolving door-interviewing for the position rather annually. It became harder and harder to find the right fit, causing me anxiety. But never the less I was always struggling to grow my company bigger and bigger. During covid when my business rather plummeted I came to the conclusion that at 63 I no longer wanted or cared about being a “bigger” company. Being a sole designer/maker was enough. Yes, less income but I am on the path as you are to evaluate and strive for only what brings me deep joy and satisfaction. Simplification.
Debo- your creations are beautiful.
Great post! The mirror in your photo brought back so many memories—my parents had the exact same one or at least something similar. Lynn, I love how you live your truth and share so many details of your life. Very humbling. Thank you for your service in the world of social workers. I’m sure you helped many people during your career. My relationship with work is bittersweet right now in that I work from home, and I find myself having a hard time getting motivated. At 77, I wanted to be fully retired by now, sitting by a lake, traveling, seeing more of my grandchildren who live far away. As a freelance writer, I grow weary of writing about homes, gardens, fashion, and profiles, when I’d much rather be writing poetry. I like to observe what is going on around me when I’m out and about. For instance, while in Chicago years ago, visiting my older son, we were on the L (train) coming back from the city. Signs cautioned: No begging. Yet a young girl, very unkempt, was going car to car asking for money. A homeless man was sitting near me, watching her. He took out an old flip phone to show her where she could get free food. He gave her explicit directions, the time to show up, and then gave her his bag of donuts he had scored earlier. He asked her name—Liz she said. I knew I would write about that encounter, and I did. “Liz on the L” was easy to write and those are the heart pieces that make me keep writing.
This is a very rational fact that we have to face as we grow older.
Money and status always play a big role in life for the rich and the less fortunate, I have always worked in the financial sector where I was confronted every day with the material and consequences of managing money well or not. I was sometimes angry that money can determine our lives so much but it is the reality and the problem is that many people can not or understand how to handle money and brings a lot of misery!
I completely agree with you when it comes to minimalism I am a big proponent of. During the pandemic I experienced it firsthand of how much money we actually spend like going to a restaurant, buying something impulsively etc.
When the quarantine became mandatory for months that was all over and yet I enjoyed it and got a completely different life with much more respect and enjoyment from everything I did!
After the pandemic I turned the switch and started to enjoy nature and go back to sports.
My daily schedule has also completely changed and the feeling of “should” has greatly diminished.
I’m gradually getting the feeling that so much is changing which will be a new challenge in my life… I’m curious!
Thanks for this interesting post Lyn!!
I am about to retire from an organization after 22 years. While that work has enabled me to do work that I feel called to and aligns with my values, it has also operated as an escape hatch from pursuing riskier and creative endeavors. Now I look forward to using different gifts, and while my financial advisor says that I’m in a good financial position, I still worry about living on a fixed income.
BTW, I, too, am being guided by the Christine Platt’s book and follow her on Instagram.
Terrific Ms Lyn. I think you sneaked into my psychic space and managed to glue its many parts to the theme of work. I’m 72 and still a full-time teaching/research professor –working as though my life depends on it, when it doesn’t. I bore everyone around me with shifting “final” dates, but here it is: July 1, 2022, at which point I’ll be 73. Even then, the timing is mainly to do with a key benefit from an expiring union contract with the university. July 1 is the very last date I can get that lick of cream at the bottom of the coffee cup. Before moving on with purpose and hopefully with a smile.
Work has always been a surviving tool for me (having a roof over my head) and a big part of my identity as it was soliciting my creativity and nurturing.
I definitively was a (paid or unpaid) workaholic as long as I was doing something I loved.
Now I’m 70 and I look back laughing at how crazy some of the things I did were (and incredulous about even having done them). They were just part of a growing up process which was necessary in due time but not any longer.
Nowadays, less I do better I feel, I even show reluctance at the most simple daily tasks!
I became a minimalist years ago and it really simplified and cleared my life and my mind of utmost unnecessary and cumbersome “stuff”.
I adapted my lifestyle to my budget and I’m happily cruising into the serene sunset of my old days with not one ounce of guilt at doing NOTHING!
Work is overrated and yet a necessary evil…
Once again, you subject holds my interest and speaks to me. Merci mucho.
I have been wondering, lately, about all the things that I allow to consume my creative time/energy.
Now with holiday season coming up, I spend so much time on gifting, card writing, and decorating/ travel/party plans. I wonder what it might be like if I made a major change in my holiday habits. I know I put it upon myself yet I get anxious just thinking about it.
I’m turning 67 next month. Since my ’60th, I’ve been motivated to let go of chunks of work. Like you, letting go of fractions of it, rather than one fell swoop of everything, is more comfortable. Besides I’m not convinced that for me, there would be enough in my sock to carry me comfortably to the grave. But that’s another attitude to ponder. This process of work/money and how much for how long, nudges to examine our mortality. What WE really think about that. How much do we need for how long is an intriguing exercise brought on by encroaching old age. For me, my work must meet a different criteria. Do I enjoy it? Does it challenge me in ways I want to be challenged? Does it re-numerate me fairly? (ie. if not money, then joy and pleasure) Is it having a positive impact anywhere? Conversely, does it cause me to lose sleep? Do I fantasize about doing something different when I’m doing it? Do I dread doing it? All of these issues were hardly considered in my working past. I needed to make a living, I worked. Things are a little different now thanks to encroaching old age 🙂
I retired at 62. I had intended to wait until I was 66 but my career felt finished. So my husband and I sold everything we owned and went to explore the world before one of us got health issues or “the shit hit the fan in the world.” We stored 23 boxes of our most cherished personal items (clothes and art and a few irreplaceable items purchased on travels), and headed off to parts unknown. We slow traveled through 18 countries in a little over 3 years before we learned that one of us had health issues to deal with. We rented a furnished house in a suburb that we were interested in exploring, have had 3 surgeries between us since then (thank you Medicare and Medicare supplemental!), and have been comfortable through the pandemic. We don’t miss owning our own house or furniture. We even lease our brand new car rather than own. If anything goes wrong, we just take it back and they give us another until it’s fixed. With global warming, if we needed to up and leave in a hurry because of fires or other natural disasters, we could pack our car and be on our way in a jiffy. This lifestyle suits us. We have very little overhead and zero responsibilities. We travel in the winter and stay put writing and doing art the other 9 months of the year. With the exception of art supplies and poems that I write and save on my computer, we are free of “stuff.” If something goes wrong with the house, we pick up the phone and call the landlord to come and fix it. No surprise bills from upkeep. Because we haven’t purchased a house, we manage to live off our monthly income (generated from annuities and social security). We have never been freer or more happy. And neither of us want to work. We are too busy exploring hiking trails, learning new things, and indulging in spontaneous road trips.
I love this article. I absolutely can resonate with all of it. I too “hoard” with regards to working. The trauma as a child of feeling like your way of life is “temporary” and a constant need to somehow make the “things” in your life permanent, it’s so true. I never looked at my relationship with work as dysfunctional. Being a “workaholic” is somehow looked at as a badge of honor, as a survivor, a woman with a great “work ethic”, however in my reality, so dysfunctional. Thank you for having the courage to share.
I use one of my favorite quotes when wishing people well. “May you have enough” Irish blessing:
May you have…
Enough happiness to keep you sweet,
Enough trials to keep you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough hope to keep you happy,
Enough failure to keep you humble,
Enough success to keep you eager,
Enough friends to give you comfort,
Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness,
Enough wealth to meet your needs,
Enough determination to make each day
A more wonderful day than the one before.
Thank you for this thoughtful argument. I hope to one day become more satisfied with the things that I already have, instead of always wanting to have more. I like the approach that you take in this article.
The reason is because my parents were minimalist by default. They did not have a lot of money and their mantra was to “live within your means.” I never liked that I had to wait to get a bike or skates. Yet, my parents insisted that I wait, if it wasn’t within the family budget.
In my rebellion, when I became an adult I got credit cards and overspent. However, my parents understood the value of money and never deviated from their belief system.
Nonetheless, after my father passed and my mother was alone, her mind began to slip away, she became a hoarder. It was very difficult to see how much she changed over a period of time. In your article you equated loss with hoarding and I could not agree more. For example, when my older children and I cleaned out my mother’s home, after she went into a rehabilitation center (after having a stroke) we were shocked at the things that she owned. I am still processing, reflecting and learning from my mother’s ordeal (she passed one year ago). So, I agree with the minimalist approach to life, because less is actually more.
Like you I am a social worker. Child protection is exhausting work but something that I have loved. The past 18 months however have made me question why I continue to trudge through others dramas and real life crisises. But what is my Act 2? Your words are inspiring and have made me think. Thank you.
How ironic that I read this today.
I did not grow up poor. I grew up where money was never discussed but there always was “enough”, at least for most things. I also grew up in an extended (Christian) family whose most important and discussed value was devotion to others. Even though we were actually Joneses, we distained “keeping up with the Joneses”, and people who did. I think it made me a good person, one who is especially attuned to and concerned about others and that’s something I’ve proud of. It has also meant spending the majority of my working life in low paying non-profit and public service (public school teaching) work. something that had life-long consequences no one ever discussed.
What did my upbringing teach me? How to be a good person who knew absolutely nothing about money – how it works, how to get “enough” (although that is of course a personal definition), how to advocate for myself and my economic worth, or plan for the future – and what might happen if you don’t. What happened with my life? My husband left a job in his peak earning years and has remained essentially unemployed ever since. Part of it was because of depression, part economics, but it was certainly an economic disaster neither of us ever expected or planned for. One result was having to declare bankruptcy due to the excessive medical cost of getting our daughter life-saving intensive treatment at a very critical time in her life. I don’t regret going into debt to save her life, and filing for bankruptcy has not hurt us severely, but I wish we had had the resources not to. In order to survive once my husband was no longer employed, I returned to school (yet again – I already had an MA) to be certified as a middle school teacher at 50. I lasted 7 years. After the second layoff, the exhausting hours, stress and low pay, I did not try to find another teaching job, and was unable to find any other full time work. Despite sending out scads of applications, I was never even called for one interview As a consequence of all this, I had to take SS at 62, and draw down half of my limited requirement account in order to meet our living expenses. Because of when and how long my husband has been out of the work force, his SS is a fraction of what it could/should have been, something that has profound implications for both of us for the rest of our lives.
How do I think about work now? I’d love to do more, and in fact need to find more by next spring, if not before. I will need to work as long as possible, definitely into my mid-to-late 70’s. I am not complaining, in that things could have been much worse. My parents were able to help us out at times, we have been able to stay in our house, and have been in generally good health. I was lucky enough to secure seasonal work scoring educational tests after I left teaching so I haven’t been completely unemployed in the last couple of years. For the first few, it was a decent income for 5 months of work. Then the company changed and I’m lucky if I get 2 months of work per year. When I was first hired the job paid about $5 above minimum wage, but now it’s only pennies away from the minimum wage in our state ($12/hr). For a job that requires a BA to even apply, that’s a pittance. Thankfully I love it, can do it from home, and do high enough quality work I have been offered contracts every year. It’s also work that I can do as long as I can meet the thinking requirements no matter how old I am, so at least I am not desperate because I have some expectation of at least minimal continuing employment for the foreseeable future. In addition, since we were already on SS when Covid hit, we were not devastated like others were. We haven’t gotten sick and I remain in good health but my husband’s has started to decline in worrisome ways. That’s all to say I haven’t been in a state of constant anxiety about our financial situation or over whether or not I will find more work.
I’ve never liked to play the “what if” game about my life, since I know I made the decisions I did based on what I knew and could do at the time. Yet at times it’s hard not to wish I had known different things and made different decisions. And, ironically, this very morning I spend an extended period of time thinking about how different my life would have been if my parents had taught me more about money, and had valued “business” as much as they valued “service”. They were lucky enough to live at a time when such work paid well and they did fine financially, and there’s no way they could have know all that life would have in store. But I have grown up in entirely different economic times and things have not turned out as well…so this is my story.
Thank you so much for articulating so much of what I feel, and my tendencies to hang on to so many things in the event that I may someday be in a place where a half worn out item is better than nothing. A poignant lesson was learned when I asked my mom why
Dad had so many of his seriously worn out work boots hanging in the basement. She told me it was because he wanted to be prepared in the event he couldn’t afford new. That was really hard for my teenage self to hear.
We just finished Maid, too. I worked in Human Services or HS related services for 44 years, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel I did a very respectable job, there, but still, that movie (and the real-life story behind it) got me right where it hurts. It’s hard to work with people’s problems, even when one feels like it’s what has the most meaning for us. Part of the challenge and mental exhaustion is the limitations of what we could do when we saw a much more profound need. I retired to some part time work 3 years ago, and am just now feeling more adjusted and satisfied to no longer be in the workplace. I still miss the interactions and feeling like I’ve made a difference almost every day. We seem to have enough to live nicely, but simply. That said, I too worry about the future and have almost monthly knots in my stomach about money, especially when large, unexpected purchases are needed. Thank you so very much for putting yourself out there for us. It means more than you know, and I hope you continue writing for many years. Blessings!
You completely spoke to me in this post! I too suffer from way too much work and have been exhausted. Now I am beginning to understand that I need less of the work that may feed my purse but not my soul. I know that my fears around money are a bit irrational given my solid pension. Maybe it’s time for this minimal approach to things that don’t necessarily take care of us?!
Brilliant insight. I have struggled for four years to let go of “work.” I am learning but it has been slow.
I worked in several fields including health care. Apart from these I taught yoga alongside these full time roles for over 25 years. It wasn’t about the as I involved in yoga before it became popular where we wore leotards and tights rather rather than expensive leggings. After retirement I carried on teaching as I had such lovely students who were very loyal. However, I realised was neglecting my husband who had retired many years earlier and was looking forward to spending cosy evenings with me. As much as I loved my students I realised it was time to roll up my mat. My students were very upset as most of them had been with me for 6 years or more, but I realised it was time for change and I am glad that I made that change. Sometimes change can be quite scary, but we need to see it as a new beginning. You will probably find that you always had enough income, but not enough time, but for whatever reason felt that you needed to keep juggling several jobs. In a moment of quiet you may wonder why you didn’t let go before. Given up my classes were hard, however it was the best thing I did.
Growing up in rural PA, I learned the value of doing this for money, such as babysitting or housekeeping. What I learned was that I was then valued for the things I did, rather than being valued as a person.
I worried constantly about money, even when married to a man with a good job, though we had separate accts. When he had a near-fatal heart attack at age 47 it made me realize our son and I were very dependant on his income. Had he died we would have lost everything
Since divorcing I’ve worked 2 jobs, 7 days per week, most of the last 10 yrs, but see the need to reduce my stress and work to 1 job which I have just done. The closer I’m getting to even think of retiring, the more panic-stricken I am, but am no longer willing to keep up this pace. I have a budding writing career that I want to dedicate more time to. (2 pseudonyms of course. Can’t have just 1) Writing is where I find my joy and my spirit is filled, but the time in my days are taken up by being a hospice nurse. This coming year is when I plan to find the balance between work and writing.
Thank you. Your posts are always inspiring.
At 56, having had my own business for 14 years and just coming out of a 3.5 month lockdown, I’ve found my relationship with work changing perhaps by itself, being my control.
Being forced to stay at home has allowed me to engage even more in my ‘me’ activities which include a walk first thing in the morning, writing my morning free flowing pages and a good hour of meditation as well as exercises . I’ve even signed up and finished the most enlightening and deep diving online course for creatives and entrepreneurs, Lee Harris’ ‘Own Your Value’. This course teaches creatives (or sensitive empathic people) to see what makes them special and to dare to increase their income (this healing their often damaged relationship with money. ).
What I understood during this time of quietude is how important a balance between my own needs and wanting to expand my business was to me. I believe that our forthcoming new world will redefine the concept of work beyond a full day’s work, working to pay bills and just survive to engaging in an activity that brings you joy and connects you with others.
I’m now in the process of bringing truth and authenticity to my business and particularly to my website, knowing that it won’t appeal to everyone but that it will resonate with my aspirational customers.
Work has become to me synonymous with being of deep service to building the world I want to see for myself, my family and humanity. The future is bright!
at 64, work is critically important to me–but the SPECIFIC work and work environment that I have more control over and the power to shape. Learning to say ‘no’ and not panicking—I should take that; maybe I need that connection; I should ‘help’; maybe it will lead to another opportunity—that increasingly feels crazy and kind of maddening. I’m not 25. I’M making my OWN opportunities. So appreciate you grappling with this and really find inspiration from the intentional, ‘just enough’ approach to work.
I am continually inspired by your Blog, it’s honestly and the fact that it seem to speak to me personally every time you write.
One thing: let’s see your face!
No need to look like Greta Garbo on the way to the supermarket!
Thank you for your thoughtful articulation of challenges many of us deal with. I, too, have (almost) always worked more than one job, often three or four. I am working three jobs at present. And, when I worked one job, I have taken on big jobs no one else wanted.
I’m ambitious–not necessarily for money, but for knowledge, experience and ease and flow in the world.
The latter can be achieved with money, but chasing money to achieve ease and flow can be a fool’s path. Working too hard in pursuit of mindfulness and the sense of being on your path is counterproductive. And counterintuitive, if you let your inner voice and values have their say.
Thanks for the nudge. I will look at the numbers to see how much less paid work I can do and flourish.
Creative work (for me that is also writing), gardening, nourishment of myself and those I love, is a life worth claiming, isn’t it?
thanks so much for sharing something so personal. Resonates with me and makes a lot of sense… to me too..
I also watch maid and. Ow going through empty nest and was a stay at home mom and also volunteered with ENL kids with English now i volunteering for 1&2 graders that fell behind due to covid all Hispanic I am Colombian and feel I need to help. I have always feared of not having in elementary I was made fun of called the n word my mom didn’t care because she is a narcissist, but as I got older addiction to sale shoes and handbags, past 3 years I have consigned poshmark and donated was able to buy my first LV crossbody and used gucci too. Now trying to have less in my closet with what I love thanks for sharing Photography has been slow would you mind following me candidsana and Anafalkenbergphotograohy
Girlfriend, you speak to my soul. I just finished MAID last night after starting the series a few days ago. I would have burned through it much quicker if I didn’t have to wait until my husband went to another part of the house to his own projects. His constant asking of Questions (about the show) was driving me Batty ! This series was so timely and yet would have been relevant 20 or more years ago too. It was heart breaking but triumphant. So many times while watching I thought – please someone just help her….and some did. And yes, working and aging are conversations I have been having on a regular basis (with myself) since this Summer. Stacking peony loaded crates nine containers high in my floral chiller – straining to lift 20 pounds overhead in a small space because it needed to be done, BUT did it have to be me ? I realized what I was capable of at 63 would not suffice at 70. It is inevitable that I will lose some physical and mental ability as I age, so I need to plan for it. And now that the peony farm is put to bed for the Winter my focus shifts to downsizing my share of my Mother in law’s collectibles and my too many possessions. Making open spaces so that I can see and enjoy what I choose to keep and at the same time taking care of this so that my sons do not have to. Thank you for writing , I do so enjoy reading your essays.
Interesting thoughts. I read this and see such privilege. You’re lucky that you have the space and support to decant all of this intellectually for yourself. I come from a place where hopes and dreams were ground out like cigarette butts on the sidewalk so I see crafting a life a bit differently. And yet…I have managed, through deprivation, to raise three visionary children. Was it in The Little Prince that we learned that the valuable things were learned in the heart, not the head?
I am constantly evolving. Finding different ways to overcome my stroke disabilities; a challenge! It’s a test of my witt and intelligence, along with my bodies ability. Do I dare settle? NO……NOT MY NATURE. So, I continue my quest for satisfaction of blissfully aging.
I used to be much more connected to my work identity and driven career wise. Now I want to do meaningful work that makes a difference. As long as it meets my base level financial requirements I have no need to chase seniority, power and influence. I am satisfied with doing the best I can for the people around me – staff and service users alike.
Lynn, I was close to tears as I read this on the bus home from a job. I can very much identify with the knots in your stomach when thinking about money. I know I can retire comfortably but still jump at extra jobs to get just a little more. I will have to explore Christine Platt’s ideas. Thank you for this and for all your blogs.
Wishing you a resonant and efficient route to your « authentic approach ». I do not know Christine’s work yet, but an ethical financial planner is a huge part of this. (Not someone who just wants to sell you products.) Get your priorities and numbers in place, then live the rest of your life. (As you age those priorities might change, let them.) But put your money under expert, conservative management so you can sleep at night.
I love my work and I make it a priority and have always. I have found as I have gotten a little older (59) that my energy level has slowed a bit. I can no longer play 18 holes of golf early Saturday morning (when my friends are off). Then shower and work until 8:00pm then go out and grab dinner and in some fashion do some networking. I am still motivated by my work to accomplish and help clients but energy level has gone down. I have learned to work smarter and technology has helped and changed my industry as it has in most. Bottom line I don’t plan on retiring anytime soon.
Thank you Lyn for sharing and giving food for thought on work and our relationship to it
i am writing this at the weekend and realise that I still have to separate my weekend from my “working” week – I am well retired but keep Saturday & Sundays free from household jobs.
.In my late 40’s working part time so I could study for a Diploma in Therapeutic Massage
it was taking a big step from having a regular wage and a subsidized superannuation scheme. I cashed in the superannuation which paid for the course.
I loved what I did and the groups it brought me in contact with – pregnant women and later their babies, people stressed and in pain, workplace problems aching joints etc.
The work was so fulfilling but my problem was with money. I found the charging of what I did very hard and was always getting told by other therapists that I didnt charge the correct price.
I later did further study and training in Bowen Therapy which was a gentle soft tissue therapy and easier on my body. I eventually retired at 74.
My problem with money I think goes back to my childhood when money was scarce. Feel there was almost a guilt attached to my charging especially as I was the”helper”
I never owned my skills or the financial aspects involved.
As well as the clients, what I missed was the regular professional development and discussion groups with other therapists and also how my job defined me. Now I have found others I can discuss topics with. I am still able to help family with therapy when needed. Lately enjoying listening to podcast on a variety of subjects and will certainly look up the authors recommended in your writing.
Feel there is a collective enjoyment in your writings when I read the comments of other women with like minds. What a joy!!
I love being busy all day but I had to take annual leave because of some health issues and now I getitng lazy and lazy and losing motivation to do anything. Any suggestions??
Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t had time to? Even something really small like trying a new recipe?
I can relate! PLUS, a bit of a disability from an injury…….
These are very interesting reflections. I am 64 and self employed doing part time work supporting local charities which I sometimes enjoy and occasionally exhausts me. It’s still hard to get the balance between enough interesting paid work and time to do other stuff I love and to just be. But I recognise what an incredible privilege it is to even have that choice. I say no to work a lot more now than I used to. I think if you don’t come from a background where money was no problem you always feel you mustn’t let go of earning and the control you feel it gives you But that need to work can control you too. It seems most important to me now to see family and friends, be creative, garden, stay active and try and be a positive force in the world in however small a a way. And have enough money!
So much in this post. As I grow older and more deeply in my relationship with Christ, I am more firm in what I will and will not take on and what I will and won’t put up with from others. I am no longer the young woman who bends easily to accommodate the selfish nature of others. I choose a minimal lifestyle because it’s freeing. I’ve never felt it subtracts from my identity. Conversely, because my self-value has grown & strengthened exponentially, therein lies the alive & well artifacts of who I am. Not in things. I’ve always been nurtured, had enough, until a punitive divorce forced me to work 3 jobs to pay for all expenses for myself & three kids. To barely have enough for a gallon of milk. Life is never static & I’ve grown to know that well enough. I daily construct, through Him, resources of internal joy, faith, and self-value that hold up strong despite external influences.
I have spent the past year “recovering” from working all day, and most of the night, for 15 years or so. I made enough money, doing something I’d barely had the courage to imagine would be possible for me. I was not frugal. I had no saving but my homes equity. With Covid I needed to close my business, sell my home, buy a lovely new camper van (like a Sprinter), get rid of everything, including the many thousands of dollars of materials to fill an enormous number of orders. “Precious” family heirlooms, that lost their meaning when put out on the lawn for a yard sale.
Now, I live, with my cat (named Dog) in a 19 foot van. We camp in remote areas (almost never campgrounds as they are expensive and far from my vision for my current life. I spent the past year doing “nothing” except learning to live simply, minimally, and sitting in my camp rocking chair absorbing the immense beauty.around me. Practicing minimalism. I still struggle with minimalism in one area, and that is grocery shopping. Especially exotic spices, cheeses, organic interesting crackers, enough of everything to make wonderful meals. I constantly have to remind myself that 1. I have plenty, and there WILL be more grocery shopping days, and 2. That I need to eat what I have, and I have enough. I grew up on a tiny, remote island, and grocery expeditions were big events of stocking up for at least a month, sometimes 2. Maybe it comes from this.
But my time in the past year my work has been all about recovering from 15 hour days, 7 days a week. And discovering a new peace and actual happiness within my self. I will start a new line of work soon. Small, one of a kind pieces that draw me even deeper into the beauty, peace, and quiet I’ve discovered.
Work is in my head constantly. At 74 I’m still searching for my voice in the work I do as an artist. But this may be the nature of creativity. I’m shedding outside obligations to conserve energy. If I’m to achieve what I THINK I want to achieve, I need to let go of perfection and slow down. This article resonated with me to the extent I often feel my practice isn’t ENOUGH, so I constantly race off into other directions, rather than breathing into my moment. Thank you for shining a light on “scarcity”.
Hi Accidrntal Ivón!
I think that you and I are close to the same age. Last year I really burned out teaching at my high poverty bilingual school- I was a SPED teacher and it was just a lot in every respect. Families struggling, kids struggling- trying to make sure everyone had food. As I always do, I followed my intuition and it told me that I was burnt out and needed to stop. So I quit after 18 years of teaching. And then I panicked- do we have enough money to live? What am I supposed to do now that I’m suddenly labeled ‘retired’? It has taken me 3 months to realize that the gold I have now that I haven’t had in decades is time. I was a single Mom for a very young son and time has always been at a premium for me. This realization shifted something profoundly inside me in a really good way. So far, I’m just leaning into it- leaning into time. Right now I’m following a virtual 3 month zen retreat at Plum Village and taking photography. Visiting my newborn grandson across the country. What I know is that I need this year to heal- will I work again? I’m wide open but for now I’m leaning into time. Still a little concerned about money, but other than travel (I love travel!) I don’t feel a need for much. And yes, I have been following Christine for awhile now- anything she does- so wise… I believe she holds a key! Thank you for your honest reflection. It is so helpful to find others on this path to growing older creatively!
Many Boomer issues regarding work, money and acquisition are the product of being raised by a generation traumatized by growing up during The Great Depression. Younger generations seem more interested in experiences rather than “things” and some don’t appear all that worried about their financial security. That would explain, in part, The Great Resignation. But their worries are different than ours were.
I love to edit things but a Marie Kondo approach is too severe and disciplined for me; I’ve ordered The Afrominimalist to learn about a different cultural approach.
Thank you, Lyn, for opening another door.
“Work is the one thing you can count on”. Well…you got that right! I am turning 67 next month, and have worked since I was 12 doing babysitting jobs, selling flower seads door to door, or whatever else someone would pay me for (ironing, pulling weeds, labeling envelopes). I left home at 17 and while maintaining school, I worked nights in a condolences home serving food and washing dishes. Then, later while working on an accounting degree, I worked a variety of fulltime banking positions, that left me struggling to pay my bills and totally unfulfilled. Why did I choose that career? I was told accounting was “in demand”. I love numbers and solving problems, so…okay, I’ll bite. The taste turned out to be bitter. I continued however, and retire a year ago with a pension. Why did I continue? Security.
Maybe I should have stayed on the course of fashion illustration and design? I began a two year community college course at the age of 17. I loved it! Close to graduation, I searched for local jobs in the field, and at that time, your only choice was sitting behind a sewing machine doing piece work. No thanks…..back to the drawing board (accounting). It was not a total loss however, as I continued sewing and always loved fashion. Hence how I found you!
I need to create and design or I am not a happy person. I started gardening way back (when no one would buy my flower seeds). my garden is my delight. I still can get lost for hours digging and creating new beds.
I started cooking and baking when raising two children. I found that I could bake 50 cookies for a fraction of the cost of store bought, and there was no comparison to the taste! I baked and decorated cakes, I learned to make my own bread. I continue this passion even without the need of several mouths to feed.
When I am not in the garden or in the kitchen, I am scraping and painting our 106 year old house, or assisting my husband on our “never ending” addition. This was started 12 years ago with the intention of being completed by my retirement so as to start a B&B. I wish I could say we were almost done.
So….work is a constant for me. Not all of it has been fun. Not all of it has been profitable. Much of it has even been a waste of time and money. Would I rather be sitting and reading a book all day, or lollygagging? Nope.
To know others survive and flourish from my work grants meaning and value for all.
“Work is the one thing you can count on”. Well…you got that right! I am turning 67 next month, and have worked since I was 12 doing babysitting jobs, selling flower seeds door to door, or whatever else someone would pay me for (ironing, pulling weeds, labeling envelopes). I left home at 17 and while maintaining school, I worked nights in a convalescent home serving food and washing dishes. Then, later while working on an accounting degree, I worked a variety of fulltime banking positions, that left me struggling to pay my bills and totally unfulfilled. Why did I choose that career? I was told accounting was “in demand”. I love numbers and solving problems, so…okay, I’ll bite. The taste turned out to be bitter. I continued however, and retired a year ago with a pension. Why did I continue? Security.
Maybe I should have stayed on the course of fashion illustration and design? I began a two year community college course at the age of 17. I loved it! Close to graduation, I searched for local jobs in the field, and at that time, your only choice was sitting behind a sewing machine doing piece work. No thanks…..back to the drawing board (accounting). It was not a total loss however, as I continued sewing and always loved fashion. Hence how I found you!
I need to create and design or I am not a happy person. I started gardening way back (when no one would buy my flower seeds). My garden is my delight. I still can get lost for hours digging and creating new beds.
I started cooking and baking when raising two children. I found that I could bake 50 cookies for a fraction of the cost of store bought, and there was no comparison to the taste! I baked and decorated cakes, I learned to make my own bread. I continue this passion even without the need of several mouths to feed.
When I am not in the garden or in the kitchen, I am scraping and painting our 106 year old house, or assisting my husband on our “never ending” addition. This was started 12 years ago with the intention of being completed by my retirement so as to start a B&B. I wish I could say we were almost done.
So….work is a constant for me. Not all of it has been fun. Not all of it has been profitable. Much of it has even been a waste of time and money. Would I rather be sitting and reading a book all day, or lollygagging? Nope.
Hi there.
I was made redundant 2 years ago after 36 years at one company, albeit in several roles & acquiring many new skills. Very fortunate & happy to find a part time job within a month of redundancy. I have always enjoyed working. Blessed with being financially comfortable. We live under our means, a lifestyle choice. My Parents struggled but managed. Glad to say that they are also comfortable.
I had to take retirement due to my spouse’s health but I would have happily carried on . The forced retirement and relocating to another country have provided many unpaid opportunities as a volunteer. I do not have to worry about an income as I made provision for my retirement. I could have negotiated payment for some of the things I do but it’s my contribution to my new community for their generosity and I love every minute of it.
WISDOM! INSIGHT! TRUTH!
Lyn, this totally spoke to me. I did the same thing. Worked nights, went to such by day or evening. Worked in start-up companies while continuing to work as a bedside nurse “just in case.” I don’t regret the hard work and find it give me solace that I was able to do what I loved, and still had a backup plan “just in case.”
Even now with a career pivot at age 67, I am working toward helping older adults understand that they can age well and be active and not just settle into sitting on the couch. We need to lean into the feeling of just sitting and retiring. I understand that people have health issues as they age (me included), but I lean into that feeling and keep pushing outward.
I am so happy to learn your story and inspired by your work and life pivots! Cheers!
Our minds meet collectively. I’m 66 on this day. I refuse to think about the number of years I’ve lived. More so, I’m thinking about what can sustain me where I have more free time to write, pick up where my dreams left off for an MFA, and be the maid, be the mower, yard-scaper, gardener, carpenter, cook, shopper, and tutor to my 13 year old, as well work full time. This day to day life is not sustainable for contentment. I wrote ‘happiness’ however, my sister taught me when I was a teen that ‘happiness’ is fleeting..it is an event. Contentment is what I ought to strive for in my day to day. But where have I gone astray? My ex recently said to me, how long am I going to keep working full time? My response? Until I know that I have enough money each month to pay my bills. I’m seated in my make-shift office space at home, poised to do a full 8 hours of nothing but programming software for an institution whose framework is still dependent on my many processes whirling through bits, bytes, packets of data… cleanly, never erroring. No accolades; just a creative knack for programming and only a way to make money. I’m tired too. Cooked, mowed over, over done, and wishing my wish on that birthday candle comes true… and that wish was a mind and body to revert to younger days so that I can continue to work harder, smarter, using less resource time. Ugh. What was I thinking. No one knows what it feels like being single, mid sixties, approaching 70 fast, and the treadmill (like Lucy’s chocolate conveyor belt) is quickening with each passing monthly payroll.
I retired and never looked back. Am enjoying life, have time for friends, gardening, reading, playing the piano, walking my dog and whatever comes to mind. It is nice to have freedom to do whatever comes to mind.
This really hits home. All of it. At 77, I am still working, albeit “only” 4 days a week. Fortunately it’s not hard work and does have its social advantages.
I am finally figuring out what things I am holding are of real value, i.e. pretty, soft, sophisticated, to fit my lifelong lifestyle and what I can eliminate because I have too much of it.
The more I let go, the more I get to do the things that make me the happiest.
Special thanks for this one.
Hi there Lyn – I really enjoyed this article!
My relationship with work – I always had 2 or more jobs for 45 years – office stuff – running a family centre – teaching etc. Why did I work 2 or more jobs? Because I enjoyed them! One was usually full time. During the past 45 years I have been working at what I call now my “retirement job”. Teaching at a private college finished up about 15 years ago – I can never remember! No pension with this one. Another job finished up about 8 years ago. I’m heading to be 73 in 1 1/2 months. Do I need to work – no but this job gives me “pleasure”. I work at a theatre = live entertainment – I get to see operas/ballets/rock shows/hear talks given by famous people/conferences etc. I see and learn so much and meet some very nice patrons. People say to me – you’re still at the theatre – when are you quitting? I say “quitting” why would I quit? The job is very flexible re hours/days of work etc and it is still giving me “pleasure”. I feel if one has to work or needs to work it definitely should be in a job that gives them pleasure.
I have always lived a slower more intentional life. We do live with less as I have never been a shopper – filling up space – need this need that – type of person. Nor my husband. I always ensure I have “free” days during the week for walks and to enjoy nature. I do enjoy being at home – gardening – reading etc. I love the world of ZOOM – so many excellent talks. Prior to COVID we had major travel – for now it’s mini breaks.
Your comments about poverty spoke to me. I am a clothes horse and can pinpoint the moment that triggered the behavior about 20 years later. As a child we lived just barely above poverty status most of the time. While I only worked multiple jobs into my early 20s I have a “fear” about living on a fixed income or my health taking a turn for the worst. I have developed some physical issues since covid and trying to get past that but it only feeds my fear about what I mentioned. They say information is a good way to get past fear. I find it admirable that that you have accomplished so much and keep on going. You strike me as a strong woman indeed and I hope I can be like you when I grow up.
Thank you very much,you post is very interesting,let me think about my “working disorder”,but I guess I don’t want a therapy…….but the seed is in my mind,you have inspired me ….many many thanks again
It is amazing how your words touch so many, including myself! I just finished watching MAID also, thinking I doubt I would have the strength and ability to continue as she did. I guess one never knows until they are there. After losing several friends and family members, my husband and I decided to actually DO what we talked and dreamed about – selling our house and 40+ years of ‘stuff’ and travel full time in a very small RV. We each kept a few items that are near and dear to us and let the rest go. How freeing it was! Hubs was already retired and I worked remote for the past several years, but I am retiring in a few months at 65. We will get by on less money because we want to. Having a timeline and computer dictating my life is like a ball and chain (and I have a good job), but freedom is more important. It’s amazing how little ‘stuff’ we have or feel we need – and space is limited in case we forget 😊 You have to keep what feels good and let the rest go
This was inspirational and timely. Thank you Lyn. I too held multiple jobs while raising a family. My fear was being left alone and having to do all of that for myself, by myself because I hadn’t made enough money to save enough money. My partner assures me we have enough, but I’m not convinced because I can’t see the full financial future. I don’t want my children to be responsible for my care when/as I age. All of that.
I am working on the ONE DAY AT A TIME theory. It’s helpful for me to stop and just deal with this one day. Because this one day I can manage. By the end of THIS ONE DAY, I can understand it. I can’t project the future or what will or won’t happen.
So for now, I am going to go one day at a time and see what insights and gifts that day brings.
really honest piece, about money, about getting older. Poverty is a trauma, this sentence hits me, I ‘ve never thougtht of this, yes, that explains behaviour sometimes I find hard to understand. I think even the piling of your blog contents would make a good book. New post is always an inspiration and expected. Stay well and best wishes.
Beautiful blog Lyn. Your comment about teeth and rickets so powerful. Your honesty and reflections are powerful. Beautiful to see how it resonates with so many
I have always enjoyed your blogs but nothing has ever resonated with me as much as “Poverty is a trauma it lives in your body” although I have always known and accepted this I have never had the words for it.
I recognised poverty at a very early age and decided I would not always be poor.
By the time I was 11 years old I knew I would never have children, as I saw my life as the reason my parents were poor, three mouths to feed, mother unable to work until I was old enough to be left. That decision never faltered.
I am not suggesting that this is a normal or correct reaction, but it was and has been a very direct response to poverty.
Yes! I too have the work disorder for many reasons, I grew up in a broken home, my Father working too many hours just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. At 12 I started babysitting too so I could buy a few things for myself (to no have to ask Dad for it)and to save up for other things like presents for family members. My Dad and I wanted me to be able to go to a private high school (high tuition) but we really couldn’t afford it so the school signed me up for “work study” where they would give me jobs and take my wages off the cost of tuition. This was fine but I found it humiliating to be “caught working” by my friends and having to explain that I was poor…As I got older I took many jobs sometimes at once to pay for my college and living expenses, I had gotten grants and loans but I never seemed to have enough to get by. This made working necessary and my relationship with it exhausted me. I did finally finish college but I took breaks (years off) in order to take a full time job so I could make and save some money. This created a feeling of constant insecurity for me and I developed the “Task master” who constantly drove me to work longer, harder and to strive for the next better position! I STILL hear her in my ear even when I know this is not a healthy way to think. I lost my livelihood (job, business) 3 years ago. I intended to get another job or something to keep me going but I find I don’t have the desire or the energy to work the jobs and the pay that is offered to me. I feel I deserve better than this. Poverty IS Trauma and fear of living in it as I age scares me but the exhaustion is REAL too!
This resonates with me so much – but at 60 I retired with my husband and I was the one concerned most about the money situation. It has been 8 years now and quite frankly, after the first 2 years of me worrying needlessly, we are quite OK. We use only what our retirement funds make per year and are doing everything and then some we imagined we could do. Travel more, eat out more and really just enjoy our volunteering and socializing with friends more! We donate more as well – it amazes me to this day how it has all worked out and this is from 2 people who have worked since we were both young kids! Like you, work became a way of life to save and hope for the best in retirement and it has done us proud. Now, I have a friend who owns a Temp Agency who keeps asking me to apply – SHE CAN KEEP ME AS BUSY AS I WANT – however, every part time job I have taken quickly became a full time job – I have learned to enjoy what time I have left on this planet and if I am asked to do something I don’t or won’t enjoy the answer is a firm NO. It is working nicely. We are in the process of slowly downsizing to LESS STUFF we do not use or find comforting any longer – it is so calming to cleanse the house and less to clean! I am loving this more minimal lifestyle! Thanks so much for this article – I am glad to know it is not just me! Look forward to more words of wisdom!
This resonated with me… Only this past weekend did I mention to friends my inability to ‘let go’… of stuff, people, feelings etc. I want to get rid of what is no longer serving me. The penny dropped when I read this… we didn’t have a lot of money – my dad was out of work a lot due to ill health my mum ‘robbed Peter to pay Paul’.. it was always a struggle, but then there were a large family of kids to feed, cloth and educate!! Born in Northern Ireland in the early 60’s, my parents took us away from the ‘troubles’.. It was several years before we finally relocated to where we live now, dad got a new job and we got our own house. We had left everything behind and it’s only on reading this that I’m curious if my inability to let go is somehow connected to my early years. Is there a subconscious fear of not having enough or losing everything again? As for my money story…. that’s for another day – I just can’t hold on to it – not matter how much I make 🙂
Keep safe and keep writing… I so enjoy your posts and reading the many comments that follow x
The comments are a real bonus feature to my blog and I too appreciate them greatly
Stunning Pics! I like your outfit design. looking so style and cool.