One of the things I most appreciate about being the “Accidental Icon” is the way that it has forced me to go way outside my comfort zone, take new risks and put myself on the line. Whether that line is the mark a photographer gives me when I am working with someone other than Calvin, or a styling project where I have responsibility for the minutest fold in a piece of clothing that represents another’s work, being on that line is absolutely terrifying and while in the midst of it, distinctly unpleasant. Yet what I resolutely place on the decision-making scale is whether this transitory discomfort is worth the price of living with the uneasy craving of unsatisfied desire. I consider desire and it’s satisfaction more seriously these days because of the way life seems to press itself more urgently against me.
This weekend I was in front of the camera doing a photo shoot for Refinery29. Many people don’t believe that I am actually very shy and that it is very uncomfortable for me to have my picture taken. I hope the above paragraph explains why I then subject myself to it. The photographers I worked with, a team called Juco, were amazingly talented and supportive. The hair and make-up folks, stylists, art director and photo editors were complimentary, professional while encouraging fun, and yet I moved through the experience feeling unsure, anxious and yes, terrified. Sitting on the train coming home I felt calm and accomplished.
This weekend I was also behind the camera working as an art director/stylist on a photo shoot that showcases the designs of an amazing woman who allowed me the privilege of working with her collection despite my neophyte status when it comes to styling and art direction. Working again with a team of photographer, hair, make-up, various assistants and two models, all easy personalities, cooperative, funny and resourceful, I still moved through it carrying around those painful feelings like a heavy clip in my styling kit. Seeing the photos later I felt the excitement of having created something new and wonderful.
So where do I end up on this beautiful Monday morning where the sky is endless blue without a cloud in sight? Although I might suffer pain throughout the course of it, going on new adventures, satisfying my curiosity, feeling the rapture when seeing the product of my ever increasing creative impulse and expanding my world, makes that scale tip in favor of the pleasures of terror. Fortunately I am finding it is thankfully a transitory state.
Photography Courtesy of Piera Gelardi
Have you ever suffered some discomfort when pursuing your desire?
Lyn, I’ve always suffered discomfort when pursuing my desires! As a kid I was just lead to believe that desires were kind of silly. It wasn’t just about prudishness or anything religious. I’m honestly not sure what it was about. I’m so happy these days, watching women of every age pursue their desires. All the more so, because so often what they’re pursuing is not just all about them. And yet they are unapologetically taking care of themselves in the process. A new kind of feminism, I think.
I have been dealing all year with steps of courage…so nice to see you getting out of your comfort zone as well. They picked a great model!
I have been dealing all year with steps of courage…so nice to see you getting out of your comfort zone as well. They picked a great model!
"Have you ever suffered some discomfort when pursuing your desire?" Absolutely! I find that I’m often on a learning curve these days, which is always accompanied by some degree of anxiety. That period before I feel I’ve achieved basic proficiency with any new process of endeavor is always uncomfortable. But at the same time, I’ve found that it provides opportunities for enjoying satisfaction from mastering something new. And like you, I’m still not comfortable in front of the camera.
Congratulations on the R29 campaign! I’m really looking forward to seeing it!
So happy to hear about your new projects and accomplishments! I look forward to the Refinery 29 photos!
I too feel discomfort as I move through new experiences, pursuing my creative vision. I’ve come to embrace these feelings as much as possible, because without them I don’t grow, stretch and expand. Thankfully these feelings are temporary, as you state in your post. My desire to be creative is stronger than my fears.
So happy to hear about your new projects and accomplishments! I look forward to the Refinery 29 photos!
I too feel discomfort as I move through new experiences, pursuing my creative vision. I’ve come to embrace these feelings as much as possible, because without them I don’t grow, stretch and expand. Thankfully these feelings are temporary, as you state in your post. My desire to be creative is stronger than my fears.
Well done on your recent endeavours. I does take courage to leave the comfort of the familiar and branch into unchartered waters but ultimately so rewarding.
I hope to be following a new path shortly , so I will see where it leads.
Well done on your recent endeavours. I does take courage to leave the comfort of the familiar and branch into unchartered waters but ultimately so rewarding.
I hope to be following a new path shortly , so I will see where it leads.
I definitely have and thanks for sharing!
I definitely have and thanks for sharing!
Oh yeah ! I get so nervous when interviewed. I sweat profusely.
I remember one incident back in the 70s when polka dots were in style. I had to sit for an hour on a panel with other applicants for a job interview.
That day, I found out that the polyester skirt’s dots weren’t made to last. When I got up the dots were in the chair. Removing myself from around the table without my backside showing was quite a feat. I’m sure the interviewers had quite a laugh.
And congratulations on your new ventures.
Brava!
Brava!
What you’re doing is admirable – showcasing creativity and style and facing the fear. I loathe having my picture taken and am so much happier on the other side of the camera lens. I’ll do it where necessary, but like you, I’m shy and I doubt it’s something I will ever be comfortable with.
What you’re doing is admirable – showcasing creativity and style and facing the fear. I loathe having my picture taken and am so much happier on the other side of the camera lens. I’ll do it where necessary, but like you, I’m shy and I doubt it’s something I will ever be comfortable with.
I loved reading your sentiments and can definitely relate. When I work on projects with people I admire and/or are well above my league I often feel like I’m operating a speeding train. It’s scary, exhilarating, and I find myself often white knuckling the whole ride and forgetting to breathe. For me, the terror stems from wanting to produce an end result on par with their genius and never quite knowing if what makes sense inside my head will hit the mark in reality. I suspect, and hope, that with more experience and opportunities this will subside. I too always laugh at myself in the end and think, "what was I so afraid of?"
Kali
http://www.in-spades.com
I loved reading your sentiments and can definitely relate. When I work on projects with people I admire and/or are well above my league I often feel like I’m operating a speeding train. It’s scary, exhilarating, and I find myself often white knuckling the whole ride and forgetting to breathe. For me, the terror stems from wanting to produce an end result on par with their genius and never quite knowing if what makes sense inside my head will hit the mark in reality. I suspect, and hope, that with more experience and opportunities this will subside. I too always laugh at myself in the end and think, "what was I so afraid of?"
Kali
http://www.in-spades.com
Yay Lyn!
You know what they say, "Do one thing that scares you every day." The adrenalin must have been flowing and I bet you felt like you could jump off a mountain after that.
I believe that suffering some kind of discomfort means we are growing. It is just another form of growing pains.
LOVE that you are doing so very well : )
bisous
Suzanne
Yay Lyn!
You know what they say, "Do one thing that scares you every day." The adrenalin must have been flowing and I bet you felt like you could jump off a mountain after that.
I believe that suffering some kind of discomfort means we are growing. It is just another form of growing pains.
LOVE that you are doing so very well : )
bisous
Suzanne
Constantly. It was that "never good enough" upbringing, haha! Fortunately I learned how to ignore all the little voices in my head. You are having a ball, it seems!! So wonderful to see a really smart and stylish woman continuing to grow in unfamiliar territory. Exemplar alert. 🙂
Yes indeed I am having a ball and also get that added bonus of hearing from wonderful, open and great women like yourself!
Constantly. It was that "never good enough" upbringing, haha! Fortunately I learned how to ignore all the little voices in my head. You are having a ball, it seems!! So wonderful to see a really smart and stylish woman continuing to grow in unfamiliar territory. Exemplar alert. 🙂
Yes indeed I am having a ball and also get that added bonus of hearing from wonderful, open and great women like yourself!
Oh yeah, Oh YEAH. It’s a bit like jitters before a live performance, is it? You go out, you do it, you finish and think, oh, it’s over now? The twist of unease at least means you’re Awake. I’m so happy for your new experiences. I hope you never tire of them and you are game to take on new challenges on both sides of the camera.
Thanks for the inspiring encouragement. I love the reminder it means you are awake!
Oh yeah, Oh YEAH. It’s a bit like jitters before a live performance, is it? You go out, you do it, you finish and think, oh, it’s over now? The twist of unease at least means you’re Awake. I’m so happy for your new experiences. I hope you never tire of them and you are game to take on new challenges on both sides of the camera.
Thanks for the inspiring encouragement. I love the reminder it means you are awake!