A very smart and creative person has an account on Instagram that I follow called Ambivalently Yours, @ambivalentlyyours. Anonymously this person explores the notion of ambivalence through various means including drawings, writing, video, notes left in public spaces, social media and something called “sound sketches”. She posted something yesterday that kind of gobsmacked me (to borrow a phrase from all my English friends) and that was the relationship of anxiety and laziness. Laziness is a way of hiding and keeping yourself safe. Wow…there it was.
After initial feelings of jubilation and excitement as I handed in my resignation and started to think about “What Now?”Ā I began to have diffuse anxiety greet me each day and as the final day of my contract ended in August I could barely move. I did the minimum I needed to do to keep it all going but always in PJ’s early and being a couch potato including eating pints of a new ice cream that tells you that you can eat the whole pint because it’s way fewer calories than regular ice cream. Uninspired, stale and tired I started to force myself not to be anxious trying meditation and aerobic exercise. As the new semester was about to begin it only intensified. I really could not fathom the real source of my anxiety.
As late August came and went and the new semester began, I felt myself become unbearably sad and found myself thinking about getting yet another degree and going back to school. This time in something fun like performance studies. Finally, today when I saw that Instagram post it has all become clear. I have spent 48 of my 66 years of life in school. By school, I mean officially enrolled in an institution and its probably closer to 50 years if I count all the continuing education courses I have taken. I had a structure for learning new things that I am afraid I can’t replicate in my new reinvention. This, in fact, was the source of my anxiety. I am afraid to lose the other half of who I have been these past five years.
This realization also allows me to feel great sadness about not being a teacher anymore and having a classroom filled with new students. I miss designing a new syllabus (unlike others mine was always re-imagined every new semester and I would be goofily excited about it.) I miss thinking about how to do something really unexpected in the first class to grab the students right away. I miss seeing who they are and hearing their stories. I just absolutely loved being a professor when it came to teaching (nothing else I do have to confess).
Today with these epiphanies, I feel so less burdened and I comfort myself with the understanding that I can still be a professor though my classroom may now be a virtual one. And perhaps without acknowledging it, I have been a teacher in this world. I can still design a syllabus because at the end of the day it’s,Ā “an outline of subjects in a course of study”. So I can turn my “What Now” into one and even better I can share it. So stay tuned as I take one small step towards my dream of having a magazine and starting next week I will be launching a newsletter called The Syllabus. You’ll see the return of my fashion bibliography in addition to other learning and growing opportunities I discover along the way. I will share interesting ideas, events, photos I have taken, visuals I like and of course always clothes that help us tell our stories. I will be looking for some “Guest Lecturers”, yourselves included my brilliant friends, so feel free to pitch me some ideas. And yes I am moving forward with the book proposal. If you are just joining and are not subscribed please do so, so you can be on the list for the newsletter.
So for the short term at least this is a “What Now” that leaves me happy and excited and filled with so much energy I accomplished a whole army of things today, including finally getting back in touch with you.
How exciting and wonderful!! First of all this was such a good post. I am starting my own new blog about what now? It was actually written in my notes and when you coined “what nowness?”, I knew it was on the right path and that I would be sending any readers I get to your blog – and now a wonderful newsletter! Can’t wait so see where you go with this and I’m glad the anxiety has left the building and you are back on it….
Best wishes – I’m staying tuned.
So love your posts pictures and insight snd love the notion of a newsletter.
I miss seeing you as a Fordham faculty member, but feel closer to you than ever before. You matter to me, Lyn; you make a difference. Sometimes just the idea of something can cause revolutionary upheaval. Iām looking forward to reading your new syllabus ā¤ļø
This is so well said. Insightful, informative, inspiring, and exciting. Cannot wait for more. ?āØ?? With all best wishes!
Patricia, Minneapolis
Best wishes on your next chapter of life and creativity.
Hello
My name is Liz an Irish woman living in Halifax Nova Scotia . I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your writing and inspiration . I run a small business where Iām busy May through October and quiet the other six months . Every year around this time the physical demands begin to wear me down and I donāt have a lot of residual energy until things quiet down mid October . I was going to procrastinate and connect with you then but thought oh Iāve got a quick note in me just to thank and encourage this woman so thatās about it . I look forward to reading ā Whatās next ā
I am excited for you on your new journey because I know your discovery will be amazing! It will be nothing less.
I also want to say I see your book in your future!
Best WishesāØ
Brilliantly accessed through o human vulnerability! Change is a given! And changing w change, awakening. Thank you
Beautifully written
You have been a total inspiration for me since the first day I ever saw your ad on Go Daddy and then checked out your blog and began to read your story of who you are, who you have been, and where you are in progress of going. I admire you so much because you are a definite icon for those of us women who have been some of the places you have been with education, teaching, etc. and trying to find that special part of us in there somewhere. I did not come from a wealthy or educated family. I came from a family that has likely had years of history clothed in various forms of abuse. But somehow I have survived all that, and I found myself as you perhaps did in education of all sorts of things I took an interest in – nursing, English, archaeology, art in various mediums, quality assurance, veterinarian assistant, spiritual studies of different types, and last but not least, criminal justice. I will be 78 in August, but I too have been searching for who, what, why, how and where also. I have taught special needs children and adults, always as a substitute, not because I could not have been permanent, but because I wanted to work with the children and adults themselves. I did not want to spend time in meetings or doing paperwork that meant nothing to me and did more harm than good to the students.
So here I am at the door to 78, and I am writing on my blog, two books, lots of articles, and still searching for whether I have found my true self or not. After I had my degree in criminal justice (in 2016 at 74 and following breast cancer survival), I found I could not work as an advocate/mentor for juvenile delinquents, but I AM a volunteer court-appointed advocate for foster children. It is not the same quality of work, but perhaps I can still help someone turn his/her life around.
I am glad you are finding something for yourself too. You are a beautiful senior and very inspiring I am sure for a lot of of us. Perhaps we will be searching all of our lives. Perhaps it is the nature of life and it is just OK.
Thank you kindly for being so honest and always true to your own self. That is major in these times, and thank you for following through with your writing. I sure do look forward to it. Please keep me on your list of subscribers. I am one of your big fans. Anne always
I immediately identified with the correlation between anxiety and laziness…Wow…this will require some pondering. I look forward to your magazine and book ventures.
Good for you for taking what you know (teaching) and reinventing your delivery method. You are able to reach more people with your message through a social media forum. Itās ok to be saddened or to grieve the loss of your professor identity, but do t dwell on it. Donāt waste the present by dwelling in the past. Good luck with āThe syllabusā Iām sure it will be BRILLIANT!
Thank you. So many of us are facing “What Now.” Looking forward to your bright, new direction.
Congratulations!!! I always wanted to be that cool college professor I know you were! Looking forward to the newsletter and seeing what comes next.
Congratulations. On to new adventures. As ātheyā say
The Best is Yet to Come!!!
Love the outfit. It looks like you are on the High Line.
Looking forward to The Syllabus and your continued journey.
You give me inspiration as well.
Sign me up.
Enjoy and embrace your next adventures. You may find your greatest joys are still ahead of you.
Love all your letters and fashion posts!
Thank you for sharing your journey from grief to renewal. In many ways it mirrors my own experience.
Grief is a process that has always been painful but has allowed me to change, to move on and to take on the next thing. To deny grief is to stop living, I mean really being alive in the present. Grief frees us from our past so that we can create our future. I have learned this over and over in my life, one’s sense of purpose continually renews, evolves and changes.
My end of working, my retirement, and my end of treatment, chemotherapy occurred at the same time followed by a year of dealing with complications and further recovery. Lots of grief, lots of loss, lots of learning about myself and now, with wisdom gained, creating the next me.
No lived experience is a waste.
Best,
Diana
Love reading about your journey; shared with honesty. Students always benefit so much more when their professor loves what they do (as you clearly do/did).
Aside: where do you get your fabulous earrings?
Best of Luck. Iām beginning to feel we are share similar feelings leaving the classroom. But after all, life is a continuing syllabus!!
I wondered that you might not be teaching when I read a post about how you were still in loungewear on a weekday. I can only imagine the gravity, certainly, you felt at semester start. However, I do take away new knowledge when I view the world through your lens. Thought of you this week while reading a scholarly article on Vogue’s history and Post-Feminism as it relates to fashion, power, and politics. Can’t wait to see the poetry that results from the products of your new experiences.
Noel
Beautifully said! Thank you for all the small, elegant reminders to live with dignity and grace.
Bravo, fine lady. Bravo. And great outfit btw. Keep inspiring us all!
Go for it! You have a lot to give – and to receive.
Your recent experience with retirement resonates with me. I’m also in the education field and have always had “August” anxiety. Invariably, I feel better when I am back in the swing of things come September. I am returning for my final year before retirement and wonder how I will be feeling next August. Anxious? Free? Excited? Oh for 2020 vision (!). Like you, I am contemplating a return to classes then, albeit as a student, to complete a degree. I find that I am presently coping by keeping myself as busy as I can. My plan is to return to exploring the medium of film photography, both still and moving in the next little while. I’ve been picking up cameras and have received some as “loaners”. I embrace this as my parachute. One can only wonder if this is also my “fix” to keep me engaged and looking to the future. Undoubtedly I am looking forward to retirement and the freedoms it brings. Fortunately the prospect of new projects charges me and is a touchpoint that anchors time for me as well as has me looking to the future and the opportunities it holds.
Regarding your change in status, you are an inspiration. Your kindness, integrity, intellect and style will always draw people to you. Thanks for all you do! All the best with these exciting changes!
So many congrats on following your next steps that are safety…safety in knowing you are going into uncharted waters which will produce i imagine much creativity.
A loyal fan!
Love seeing this. I live in a very small southern university town. Perhaps a “guest lecture” about dressing when you do not live in a fashion center and have limited resources (shopping resources and financial).
Wow. Looking forward to your next (ad)venture!
Thank you
Having retired in July due to health issues has put me in sadness also and I donāt like it at all
Realizing that others go thru the same thing yet find new paths to take gives me encouragement
Best wishes on your endeavors
Now THAT is exciting! (and so understandable … )
Isn’t that something? The trouble with life transitions of the kind you describe sometimes comes in hard and emotional before we see the freedom and joy in it. I was an art teacher for over 20 years, and felt at 63 I was ready to retire from it. Because I had come to it later in life, I enjoyed my time with my students and the subject area – but felt ready to move on. However, when it actually occurred, and just before the new school year arrived, I fell apart physically. This breakdown was horrendous and hard….it forced me to come to terms with many many things that weren’t working in my personal life. So I did everything I could think of to do to make myself well, including talk therapy. It took me a few years, but I am finally well. And thoroughly enjoying my retirement – which is a misnomer. Its a re-invention! Thank you for your post – and good luck in all your new endeavors.
I have been reading your blog for a few months now and find it interesting. I saw you on a Go Daddy ad on television and thought let’s see what she has to say. I like this particular post as it is more about you and what’s on your mind and not just what’s on your body. Although I do love the pictures of you in all your various outfits, but being a writer myself and someone interested in the world of words and learning more than cool sunglasses and earrings – I like those things too, but I like it that you are going towards more of a combination of these two things. I really like the idea of your new newsletter Syllabus – that sounds intriguing.
I myself have a blog and am currently writing my second book. I am a woman who could be retired – I’m old enough, but I do not believe in retirement – I believe in reinvention instead, which is what I see you doing. Maybe I could be a Guest Lectures at some point. Here is the link to my blog https://onmymindonlearing.blogspot.com/2019/09/love-your-work-and-work-your-love.html
Yourānewā life might become even more exciting and inspiring!!
Thankyou, 6 years after the death of my husband I too have been feeling out of sorts the last few years. I didnāt understand why I didnāt want to do things Iād had the energy and inclination to do even a few years ago. Reading this has made me realise I also am anxious about my future which at 55 has still got a way to go. Finding yourself after major change is extremely hard and daunting. Youāve given me the incentive to really look at me and where I am now and where and what I want for my future. Itās so hard but also cathartic and I really look forward to your next stage and your writings. Thankyou again
Thankyou, 6 years after the death of my husband of 26 months I too have been feeling out of sorts the last few years. I didnāt understand why I didnāt want to do things Iād had the energy and inclination to do even a few years ago. Reading this has made me realise I also am anxious about my future which at 55 has still got a way to go. Finding yourself after major change is extremely hard and daunting. Youāve given me the incentive to really look at me and where I am now and where and what I want for my future. Itās so hard but also cathartic and I really look forward to your next stage and your writings. Thankyou again
Canāt wait! When I left teaching years ago, I experienced the same effects. So nice to have someone make it clear for me.
Congrats. Onāwalking through the tunnel!ā… your new venture sounds very exciting…
So many things you write (so eloquently, I might add) about really hit home with me. I am also in a transition period in my life. I retired from a federal company in June. I still have to work to make ends meet, which is fine really, as I don’t have a good feeling about NOT working. I do have plenty of projects to do and for the most part, I enjoy them. Any activity which is creative is one that I usually enjoy. But, lately I don’t find enjoyment in them. In fact, I am becoming anxious thinking about the projects I have begun and having a hard time finishing them. I retired, moved out of state and away from my family (I’m living in a more reasonably priced home after strangling under the weight of my former mortgage). It’s difficult to be away from all my family and friends. It IS cheaper, but I’m lonely. I have a few acquaintances here and they’re lovely (but, they’re not family). I should give myself more time. I’m so glad to read your blog because you say a lot of the things that I’m feeling/thinking!! Thank you! Cat
Should the last word in paragraph # 3 be “decades”?
Love your post and its meaning for me. Hard to think about letting go of the identity we carry about ourselves, especially when it feels like something we have worked so hard to be and see. Learning never ends.
My laziness is my inability to deal with other people’s getting old and infirm. I’m the queen of sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretending something doesn’t exist. When my father became ill two states and six and a half hours away, thankfully he had the money for me to hire help for the few months that he needed care. I’ve never been a caretaker. There’s a reason why I don’t have children. When I finally married at 68 to one of the few people that I could tolerate who tolerates me back and indeed is profoundly in love with me, it was just laziness .. .not wanting to go on by myself. But in fact, my complete ambivalence about getting married in the first place must have been that laziness you were talking about. And since we have been married, which is only 10 months now,
his health has done nothing but deteriorate. I find myself petrified of his growing old. He is only a year older than I as far as the calendar is concerned but as far as his health, there’s 15 or 20 years difference. I am ambivalent towards him, yet often I dislike him intensely, But I made a commitment to myself and to him and to the universe to help him.
I believe one of the reasons I was put on this Earth is to help this man, yet I dread doing so. I am lazy. I don’t want my routine to be interrupted. I don’t want to not be able to do the things that I want to do when I want to do them. I am selfish. I am impatient. I am impatient with him and with his illnesses and with what I have chosen to do.
If you are ambivalent you don’t make a choice, and if you don’t make a choice then you don’t have to act ; and if you don’t have to act, you’re lazy.
So I admit it. I’m lazy and I don’t want to face the consequences of my decision to become involved with this man.
I’m cheering you on with these new ventures! Thanks so much for this helpful post. I’ve been doing some “hiding in safe places”. Need to get moving. If I got this post I assume Ill get your new “The sybllabus”. Can’t wait for that!!!!
Excellent, go forth and be happy and excited, Iām looking forward to seeing what inspires you!
You write from your heart. I look forward to your emails and can’t wait to read your syllabus.
Laziness is a way of hiding ?
Ummmm it is because I know it is going to be painful to march on and I have been safe in the idle ambivalence…I donāt want to be lazy I just cannot navigate my āWhat Nowā yet. Thank- you for bringing this to my attention! However small, this is still a start. And mad about plaid dat you wear so well! I look forward to The Syllabus!!!
Life is all about learning – we are all students and we are also all teachers to a degree – parent to child, colleague to colleague, teacher to pupil. The difference being, that to be an effective teacher is a gift. It doesn’t matter where we teach, classroom or virtual classroom, but it is important we continue that role as it is a gift to be shared. Teaching is one of those roles which also gives us an incredible sense of purpose, without which, life becomes meaningless.
Inspiring. I always find something in your writing that resonates for me. Thankyou for your brave sharing and commitment to being a life time learner/teacher.
Jeanette
Awaiting the newsletter, and looking forward to learning how to be “fashion forward” !
Hell yeah! I am āon the vergeā myself and am really looking forward to continuing to follow your posts! One thing I am intent on doing is rediscovering my clothing design and execution skills. Expression through fashion is āthe bombā!
I wish to subscribe.
Brave and truthful words here.
Facing up to difficulties and life transitions yet finding a creative way forwards.
I’m most impressed and inspired by what you’ve written. More so than stuff about outfits. And since I started reading this via Alyson W.
Check out what I wrote recently about our Extra Time at this stage of life.
Congratulations on your new venture from a fellow academic! Love the new business ideas, you are a great inspiration for me and others who want to teach and be fashionable as well.
So excited for you. Yes, there is an adjustment period that comes and goes…for me it continued for about 3 years with sensitivities of very low to rather disconcerting
However they became more and more short lived
I hope this helps a bit.
Oh this speaks to me too! Yes, to early evenings in my PJs and ice cream! I will search for my epiphany and hope that I can become inspired. Life is short, fragile, and beautiful. Thank you.
Itās not as easy to retire as many people think it is, I look forward to your newsletter, and hope it can shed some light in leading many of us in the same boat to gain ideas for new beginnings!
Wow, what a great post! The part about laziness is a way of hiding really resonates with me, and likely many others.
For me, it’s always important to have something to look forward to. I’m not near retirement yet, but hopefully will be in a position to follow my passion full-time soon.
I look forward to your newsletter and book..you always inspire me!
Canāt wait to read the syllabus and eagerly await the magazine!
You are truly inspirational
BRAVO! Your honesty is so appreciated and I look forward to your magazine!
I canāt wait!
Yea! Iām excited for you and looking forward to the newsletter.
Love that you continue to find your challenges and new horizons!
Love that you continue to find challenges and new horizons! Be alive as long as we are alive!
Wow indeed. What an insight about laziness and keeping ourselves safe.
Some years ago as I was reinventing myself from a long corporate and newspaper career I decided to start a blog and website on snow leopard conservation. These animals and the people who share their habitat have been my passion for many years. Well it lead to being invited onto the board of the International Snow Leopard Network and meeting fabulous biologists and conservationists and learning so many things and helping to tell the stories of their work and making new close friends
But 2 years ago my husband was diagnosed with a life threatening disease and suddenly everything in me stopped. Yes there was a massive diary of medical appointments and so much I had to do, but today reading your article I realised how it was also about turning inward and trying to be safe. Of course nothing can keep us safe in that way and stopping your passion and your work won’t either. Wow. I read and reread those thoughts.
I’m going back to the snow leopard work, perhaps not as intensely but thank you for the spark that has reignited the will and the energy.
I feel I’ve awoken from a kind of sleep.
I’m so looking forward to reading more about your journey and The Syllabus.
Best, Sibylle
More power to you!!
An inspiration OUTSIDE & beyond the classroom walls!
For what its worth I am a new student š loving your sense of style
Nice to have you back!
Dear Lyn,
Like you I was a teacher for more than 35 years including 27 as an academic. I retired in 2012 and the following year secured an appointment as an Official Visitor. This means that I visit mental health units to make sure that patients are treated with dignity and respect: in other words, preventing the likes of Nurse Ratchett (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) ever working again. Although I have many qualification in nursing, sociology and education, including a PhD, I didn’t have one in mental health. So, for my 70th birthday, I earned a qualification in mental health practice. I have just been re-appointed in my position for another 4 years so I might do another Masters.
I love your style, and my favourite time waster is updating my Pinterest page, including board, Fabulous Older Women. Plenty of you on there!
I’d love to write something for you, preferably around mental health and/or having a clothes and shoes addiction.
Best wishes, Trish
I am just retired and also question ā What nowā? Fun to follow your Instagram.
Those sneakers! Where can I get them?
Thank you for sharing your story. I can understand how you feel in some ways as I worked as a nurse for over 24 years before returning to school to obtain my masters and PhD degrees. I now work full time as a nursing professor. What I didn’t expect is how hard it has been to adjust psychologically. Your post reminds me that when we are used to a process or routine for an extended period of time, it is not necessarily comfortable to step out of that routine and do something different. It truly is a process of adjustment. I look forward to hearing more about your discoveries and adventures.
Good afternoon Ms. Slater, Thanks for sharing with us today.
It’s nice to know that you are still willing and able to stay in touch with Who you are continually becoming.
Blessings
Being a retired teacher I totally understand the void that September can bring without a classroom to govern. You have so much to share. Enjoy the days and keep posting. You’re an amazing source of creativity. I look forward to reading your blog.
Vicki, NY, 66 too.
You are a beautiful inspiration ā¤ļø
That sound wonderful and I canāt wait to read your new magazine.
I Love reading your thoughts and ideas. I’m a singer, musician and creative performer – I love style, originality, growth and new ideas. You are an inspiration to me – Im 69 and feel like I’m at the beginning of a new adventure. I look forward to walking with you.
Ready and eagerly waiting!
I have often wondered how I will handle retirement, and your entry pretty much sums up the feelings I believe I will have! At age 51 I am beginning my 30th year of teaching and my 46th consecutive year in the classroom, 44 of those spent as a student pursuing some degree or professional certification. For the past 10 years or so I have talked about having 20 years left on my career; I just keep pushing my deadline out. I appreciate you sharing your introspection and next steps, and I look forward to reading more of your new adventures.
Good luck! You inspire me! I look forward to reading your Syllabus and your book.
Wishing you best of luck with your new venture. Change is hard, I am semi retired myself and sometime I feel guilty for just relaxing. I somehow think I need to be doing something all the time.
Old habits die hard when you have 5 children a husband and a career that you are responsible for after that responsibility goes away we sometime feel sad and useless.
I believe that you are heading towards the greatest adventure of your life, And I am looking forward to your new launches Thanks for sharing you adventures with your readers
Beautiful. What you have written resounds to the depths of my being.
OMG!!! I feel like my life mirrors yours after reading this post. I had several epiphanies that Iām going to attempt to act on before I talk my self out of it. I donāt really know you but I think we would be fast friends. Iāll be praying for you and looking forward to your next steps.
I am reinventing myself. My husband and I own a very successful optical business.
We lost our home in Santa Rosa and memories in the Tubbs fire.
We decided to sell our practice to our associate and move to the Seattle.
We are shedding responsibilities to start fresh and be near family especially our grandkids.
Itās difficult for me because Iām training my replacement and it feel like Iām selling my home and the buyers have already moved in. They are hanging pictures and removing belongings but I will remind myself to keep my eye on the prize.
Reinventing myself and creating new memories.
Very Inspiring
Fantastic revelations here, Lynn.
I retired in 2016, for health reasons…never thought Iād have to give up my identity at that point…but, it hit me hard.
I was happy, at first, because I needed to get off the merry go round…job stress was killing me.
Expectations of my administration became untenable.
But, after a few months of freedom, as the new school year arrived, I missed my identity, as the āprofessional ā.
Iāve trued to adhere to a schedule since that time…but, inertia hits hard.
I have not really found my place in the world.
I do volunteer work, helping other adults like me.
But, itās just not the same.
I wish I could find a role like the one youāve hit in…accidental icon…influencer.
I would not know where to start.
Itās been 3 years. I feel stuck
I want to contribute. But, I have not found that spark.
Canāt wait to see the great things that you will do!
Keep on keeping on!
Ronnie
I am always interested in hearing about another womanās growth. I am 75. I donāt ever want to stop learning and growing.
Oh and…
Your Instagram posts are amazing.
Your photographic talent is terrific.
You capture the most mundane places …nature..fashion and turn it into art…poetry.
Just brilliant and fascinating.
Please, donāt ever stop.
Also, love your captions and added music!
Nine years ago I retired from 40 years of teaching. It took me 1 1/2 years to deal with the loss. Now I am happy, working Saturdays at a womenās boutique, meeting former students who wander in, following fashion in a way I could have never done, reading your blog, Thatās Not My Age and tuning in to women who are reinventing themselves as theyāmatureā. I am looking forward to āThe Syllabus ā and your next āwhat nowā!
So great to get insight from a sad space.
My phrase that echoes your āwhat nownessā is also question I am in the habit of asking, āwhat wants to happen?ā This is a great creative process thought because it creates a little gap to listen into. So similar!
I just finished a show of paintings and textile relating to murmurations of birds, something I have worked with for many years. Something crystallized and I want to share it with you…
the Space Between Birds
There is an algorithm for the wondrous emergent forms created by birds or fish operating as a collective swarm. It can be simply stated as:
1. avoid collision
2. get as close as you can
3. go as fast as you can
The beauty of the resulting form invites inquiry into its implications. I reimagine these principals as:
1. do no harm
2. only connect
3. self realize
If I do my best, seeking to connect without doing harm, might I be part of an amazing outcome, invisible to me?
This feels like hope to me, like a signal from the natural world that there are still outcomes that are transcendent. So, mark by mark, stitch by stitch, I keep the faith.
suzanne northcott
Suzanne, Whewwww…..that is so amazing and beautiful Your writing speaks to me. So glad I read this. Mary
Congratulations! Love this !
Enjoyed reading this! I am always in school.
Madam Accidental Icon your words echoed in my my mind and in my heart. I, too have been in your predicament. Wanting something different, feeling restless, but was too ambivalent to make the leaped. But I finally took that leap of faith three years ago. I was 55 then. Surprisingly, I felt a burden has been lifted from my shoulder and felt no remorse for doing so. I didnāt even question myself if I made the right decision.
What was it exactly that I did? I quit my nursing job in 2016. Job that I held for almost 30 years. I was completely burned out and feeling unappreciated.
That was three years ago. The new me is now focusing on my next calling. My second act. I have a few ideas. Your story such as this helped put my perspectives in the right direction. I feel that an epiphany is right around the corner.
Please continue inspiring us.
Thank you! That definition answers so many questions…you may have just helped me āstart overā and finally be excited about the new āschool yearā.
Looking forward to the newsletter!
Looking forward to sharing in the next chapter.
Congratulations on your realizations and results of a successful bout of introspection. I think I ate a pint of sugar free cookies and cream ice cream a day for 3 weeks when I tore my meniscus 2 months before my 50th high school reunion, thus sabotaging my attempt to return willowy and stunning. So I swathed myself in long flowing whatever, threw on a LOT of jewelry, grabbed my handsome husband and hoped for the best. I had a blast! But now Iāve got an extra 10 lbs to lose! Gym-bound I am.
I enjoyed reading this.ā¤?
Such a positive perspective
Good for you! Keep creating and sharing. Thank you.
Looking forward to sharing more of your epiphanies
God Bless the Beginning of a new chapter in your life!
So excited to be able to walk this new adventure with you! You inspire.
Your Instagram posts and your blog help me accept the aging process and the physical changes. You are a model for natural beauty and acceptance. Thank you.
This post makes me happy … turning a corner into optimism myself. Looking forward to hearing more!
I knew from afar something had changed and was worried. Iām so connected from NCWWI now and I get no updates. I probed lightly once and again heard nothing. Today I turned 65 today and am experiencing what might be my own end of student and university contact. It makes me anxious to think about it. And I revise syllabi every year too. But this is NOT about me. Iām just glad to hear you are okay. And to hear you found some light to guide the way. Be well. Joanne
PS The website below Iām building fyi
Looking forward to your next text and reflections on changing and growing into something new. Not having all the “must do” things on your agenda but creating a new and open one.
So loved this confession of sorts. It really made things clear….for me at least I just retired 2 years ago, and have spent much of this free time wondering what next. Yes, I do love my time off, gardening more, reading more, meeting up with friends, and even going through my closet turning it into a fashionista wardrobe. I didnāt think I was that worried about Whatās Next, but it was a constant thought in the back of my mind. So much so that presently I am being treated for an 8 day Migraine (stress headache) which Iāve never had before. I may not know the exact answer yet, but I know how to get there. Thanks ever so much for the blog and the direction. Look out world.
I have been retired from teaching 2 years. At the beginning of both years I went through a low as the beginning of school is exciting. I decided I needed to create a new beginning for myself.
After teaching high school for 42 years and loving the exact same things about it which you loved in your teaching, I retired … and was in grief for two years over the loss of that part of myself as I searched for a new purpose in life. My friends did not understand how hard it was to no longer know who I was, if not a teacher. Thank you for sharing your story. It is helpful to know that someone else has been through a similar journey as mine. Best wishes in your new adventures!
Gosh how I hear you! People like us need a challenge and I felt exactly the same way after I retired at 60. I had always had a very busy career in broadcasting and writing books as well as training in nutrition and doing any course I thought would inspire me. After renovating my new home, I tried script writing, a novel, anything to give me that “spring out of bed” feeling in the morning. Nothing worked till I discovered blogging at 64. Five years on, I can honestly say I have found my 3rd age career: learning to edit my videos, upping my photography (more courses!), and constantly thinking about the next inspirational post I can share with our tribe! I guess we just need to feel empowered by empowering others and I so resonate with what you have written. Do you think we’ll still be like this when we’re 90? I guess so! Much love and good luck from across the pond, you will always inspire! Can’t wait to see what you do next…..Suzi x
How exciting. I can’t wait to read The Syllabus. Going through the post, I hoped you wouldn’t stop teaching. So I’m glad you’re only shifting from classroom to book and newsletter.
I am a 66 year young woman who loves fashion. You have inspired me to think outside of the box on what I can wear (Iām 5ā2ā) …thank you. I cannot wait to hear more about your adventures, thoughts ….
So looking forward to what you are up to! Reading your newsletters is a value on its own and this Syllabus should be no exception. š
Thank you for sharing your journey, you really have come a long way. Best wishes for your new ventures; I look forward to seeing them come to life.
Yeay! Can’t wait! Congratulations.
Bravo! I salute you in your Whatnowness! It has/is paying off, obviously.
As this is your blog I shall not clutter it with my stuff but, should you be interested, I have just republished a book I originally (self)-published in 2007 – it needed updating. Should anyone be interested in learning more about it, my blog is https://artistonthemove.wordpress.com – it’s a fairly personal one. I have also, at the ripe old age of 75, discovered my style in painting! Joy is too small a word to describe how I feel…
Thank you for your inspirational words and images – they certainly lift my wings.
Thank you, Lynn, for the inspiration! Perfect timing as I now leave a career in higher ed/fine arts behind me at age 65. Tempted to follow the predictable track into retirement -board work and voluntarism, but daring to go all out and build a more unconventional art practice. We do, after all, have the power within!
Your words never disappoint. In fact this was an eye opening message for me. Continue your good work for
Yay! Congratulations Dear Icon! Day 1.
Bravo! Actually your gobsmacked epiphany is infectious: I’ve been, what I thought was lazy for the past 13 years since my late husband died. Even though I’ve remarried and cruised and exercised and continue to work I’ve not pursued my former passions. This makes sense to me now as I too couldn’t explain my preference for doing nothing.
Thank you! I’ll now wrestle with what I now understand to be a vestige of my grief and getvon with it. My current husband will be pleased; he doesn’t have to know the why.
Thank you so much for being a great inspiration. Iām stuck in the Whatās Next phase and following your journey helps to know Iām not alone.
What an amazing outlook you have! Looking forward to being part of your ambitious future!
Perfect timing for me to read this. I am not a professor and have never taught in a classroom, but I do sometimes feel like I teach my friends, family and fellow artists. It comes back around years later. I see how my actions and/or words inspired others. That is gratifying. But what I need, is a mentor. Someone to teach me. There is so much to learn.
I am so excited to join you on this new adventure! Thank you for sharing. I enjoy your writing and your willingness to voice your feelings.?
I was also flabbergasted by the relation between anxiety and laziness. I am a specialist of embroidery and am very much into upcycling, loved clothes and slow fashion. Don’t know if this is of interest to you. Carine
This is amazing!! Those syllabus will be great to pursue my fashion research I am sure!! Looking forward š also, I exhibited ambivalently yours as my first official curated show, happy you like her work!
Many people tend to reinvent themselves or their circumstances repeatedly. Embracing change was established as a necessary skill when I was in elementary school and has been a constant in my life ever since. What is new in my life now, as I near my seventh decade (Iāll be 69 in February), is how I also am able to manage/govern/direct some change as well as accept and embrace it. It can be perceived and understood at least in two ways: 1. Iām a very slow learner but I do learn, and thatās a point to the good; or 2. I am feeling empowered, in charge of my own destiny, and that may prove a good thing. However, accepting what is thrust on you and in your life and just āgoing with the flow,ā so to speak, may prove to be less stressful and very Zen.
Wow.
So pleased that I follow you through the highs and the lows.. tho god only knows how I found your blog in the first place!
Now about to turn 65 , I experienced some similar anxiety and sadness 2 years ago when I gave up my successful but stifling psychotherapy practice.
I had such a feeling of āwhat was that all aboutā?
All that study, all that work, all that angst and listening and helping and deep personal and shared listening to grief, horror, abuse and more.
Instead of sinking into that feeling and coming to terms with where my career had taken me, I threw myself into another.
Having done an arts degree almost 40 years ago I started a creative life, painting and printmaking… at last feeling I was doing something absolutely from my heart…but the selling, galleries, exhibitions , pushing the work I make out into the world is exhausting and draining.
Maybe itās time to stop…to take an honest look into that old woman face and feel the grief of not being young.
My longing, I guess, is to find that tribe of crones who love the deep lines and scars that life has written upon their bodies. Thank you for your stirring, thoughtful writing… it is appreciated.
I was wondering how you would feel about your retirement once the “Back to School” excitement was in the air. It’s natural you would be grieving the loss of what was a very important and long-term part of your life. I’m sure that with your experience in teaching and your articulate communication skills on your blog you’ll find a way to be a professor of a different kind. I’m looking forward to seeing where your adventure takes you.
When chapters in our lives end, it is difficult to see what our lives will be like and even more frightening is will we like what our lives have become. It sounds to me like your next chapter is going to be super exciting and filled with new challenges. I can’t wait you to see what happens. I’m confident that it will be much brighter than you could have ever imagined. š
I love this post, this understanding of your life now, this September/ August and how you are moving forward. I am at that place, ice cream & all, after retiring at the end of June.
Anxiety, my constant companion, has now shown its face to me yet again. Thank you for “gobsmacking” me.
I can awaken from my corner of the couch, get up & renew.
The tone of this post feels 100% authentic and I’m very happy for you. Since I saw your first article probably a year ago I have evolved into a better me. Struggling with getting older (70), natural salt and pepper after having extremely dark hair, and overall not embracing the changes of aging and no longer ‘turning a head’ when I walked into a room, I’m now ‘turning a head’ in a different way with a new confidence, style and attitude. Thank you my lovely.
P.S. more pictures please.
Applause for the professor! As much as I love style, I would be thrilled to read any topic you feel inspired to explore and any photos or links you want to share. Passion comes through and it’s contagious, and I’m very excited you’ve rediscovered yours to share and ignite with us. I’m here for your virtual classroom. Present and attentive.
Thank you, Lyn, for introducing, through @ambivalentlyyours blog, the idea of ambivalence as a loci for essentially āanxiety over relaxation.ā America prides itself on its ābusi-nessā and commitment to an extreme work ethic, which does nothing but cause anxiety and its best friend, depression.
I say, āfuck it!ā and have done so throughout my lifeāmaking me the perpetual black sheep of my family. Such crippling criticism (yes, itās crippling to deal with criticism, as it blocks our joy) has produced a lifelong panic disorder, which Iāve been able to transcend by remembering the specific things which intellectually, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually empower and thrill me: music, fashion, paint color, fabrics, coffee, kitties, etc al.
For me, YOU are an IMPERATIVE piece of the solution and so is downtime. I choose to be financially āpoorerā āwith two masters and a shitload of debtāthan those who co-opt this cult-like philosophy. And, because I have the space, Iām happy, joyous, and freeāto dream, conceive, and createāconstantly.
You too, will find that the joy of academics IS you, not something you do. You have enhanced my life to such a great degree, that perhaps itās not an accident that I write, dear icon?
Tremendous amounts of love and empathy to you,
Keller Jones
Augusta, Georgia
You nailed it……we are ever changing now….yes now is our time to play they say but it is also necessary to give ourselves permission if so allowed to ……. to discover new dimensions of ourselves . I for one am looking forward to your adventure and of course love your fashion ……. you are soooo inspiring……..
Thank you for your brutally human disclosure that you too have your moments ?
Love this. I, too, am going through a period of reinvention (we are the same age and I thought I would be working where I was for several more years.) Your posts have helped me be more thoughtful about the process, but this one really hit home. Thank you.
I too am 66 and had to make the decision of what to do with this next chapter of my life. I have been a professor for 42 years topping out with a PhD 20 years ago. My creative side has always been manifested by developing new ways of teaching, sharing my gifts with new faculty, and developing curricula and tools for new and struggling nursing programs. I too could not walk away without feeling a huge void in my life and anxiety at the start of each new day. The current solution to my problem is to keep a foot in both worlds – one in academia and one sculpting the abilities and ideals of my two young grandchildren and new daughter-in-law just entering nursing school. My new creations will be a new curriculum for the graduate nursing program Iāve taught at for many years – my six-year-old granddaughter who is that a wonderful impressionable but unapologetic stage – and my beautiful daughter-in-law from China who is extremely intelligent and has so much to give to the people sheāll meet as a nurse. Keeping a balance between these two worlds is a juggling act but Iām getting better at it. Your academic friend and soulmate in Kansas – and yes we do have the same ideals, aspirations, and existential concerns in Kansas as in New York – Karin K
Thank you for always being so real with your life and your emotions. I’m going through “the who am I now” phase of my life… my children are grown and I retired a year ago. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who didn’t have an immediate plan for the “what next!”
I am an artist making work about ageing…. presently doing a live art project on the buses called BUS PASS
fb page of same name with pics … I think you may be interested as I am in you !!
Congratulations ?
Looking forward to sharing your new adventures
I would love to receive your newsletter! I also just retired – in January of this year – and am still reinventing myself (perhaps itās a never-ending process?).
Canāt wait to read The Syllabus!!!
???
Love what you had to say here and the honesty that accompanies it.
Your photos were so good, that I thought why didn’t you developed this kind of expression, showing not only cool places, or even not that cool, but real places, no “make up” for them.
Go ahead please, I’m following you on instagram,I have disactiveted FB, is not my “look”.
I’m older than you, and , beeing an Architect I was a professor in several facultys here in Argentina, and, as you can see, I’m italian.
My best wishes!
So exciting, thank you for bringing us along on your journey!
Dear AI,
Your new television ad caught my eye last night. Good for you to keep moving despite your anxiety in your new life path. After 24 years, I too left higher education recently, or I should say, it left me. Not having the structure of the annual academic cycle was indeed anxiety producing though I do not miss the daily 3 hour round-trip commute. I dealt with it as you did with meditation and exercise sans the ice cream–wine is more my thing. I am also investing my time in writing, creating and imaging the next set of opportunities that will inspire and challenge. I look forward to words of growth and wisdom you might share in your soon-to-be-launched newsletter.
Brava!! Iām so excited for you! Iām a fellow academic and I envy your break from this path! I look forward to seeing what you do with your creativity next!!ā„ļøā„ļø
You are such an inspiration!
You, dear Lady are coming at your realizations faster and with a bit more aplomb than many of us out here testing our whatnowness. It’s exciting to witness your movement through this season. Your “dream of having a magazine”, has it always been there? have we known of it? I’m excited to get my “virtual” hands on it. Keep up the good work, and thank you for sharing you with us.
Welcome back! We have been missing you… Excited to see what’coming next.
How wonderful your insight is! Iāve been retired almost a year now and still seeking my path. Iām drained of energy and hope, but I keep chugging to the gym every morning and hope that I will find my way eventually.
Now that I am an empty nester and beginning my 50ās this anxiety plagues me- my vice is anything sugary and yes keeps me hidden and self deprecating. Once a teacher, designer, mother, equestrian, wife, traveler, etc. Iām afraid of doing yet another job, profession, or whatever one would label a ānext step.ā Thanks for sharing your solution- focus on todayās schedule- and perhaps keep my hands busy and my next incarnation will come void of tears I shed for my familyās dynamic change- they are all fine, moving forward- sigh- Iāll get there.
I think you were born awesome & cool!
Blush
Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts and feelings. You are teaching us all how to navigate in our uncharted waters.
I was an HR professional for about 30 years and loved the job but one last led me drained and burned out. I left that field, worked briefly for Edward Jones BUT ended my work career working for a Chamber of Commerce. This was interesting work and I learned more about elected officials from the local, state and national levels than I cared to know. That being said – I LEARNED from every opportunity I had. The first year I retired I was lost and hated it. I found and Osher Lifelong Learning program at a local college and have become involved again. I love to learn from the variety of subjects I never had the time to delve into before and the social aspect of these active older adults is amazing. The energy these people have is amazing. We are located close to the NASA site in Alabama – where people are amazed we have so many highly intelligent persons – they too, want to learn about subjects they never studied before.
I enjoy your posts and since we are the same age – I feel a connection to your spirit – your style is over and above my laid back jeans and t-shirt simplicity. You are an amazing lady and all I can say is keep it going girl – you have a PURPOSE!!!!
I can only imagine how hard it must be not to have a “new year” start in September after 50 (!) years. But your creativity is kicking in, and what I say is “lucky readers!”
Cheers to Syllabus.
Boy you nailed it. Thank you so much as a 66 yr old lifelong learner with a PHD and still considering if I should go back as my go to when things arenāt going my way.
I am so excited for you – both for your new adventure – and for your realization of why you’d been out of sorts. It’s very scary to do something new and to lose the structure of working for someone else, but it’s also an opportunity.
Excited for your next chapter and looking forward to your emergence.
Yes, please!!! Be a professor for teachers and professors! There you go – performance studies for the new classroom of the mid-21st century. How does that sound as a new career?
I am at this exact point of reinventing my syllabi, thinking how to start the new semester next week with some new ideas,and appreciating every new semester since I’m not a young teacher either. I’m a social anthropologist, and I read your students have always regarded you as a source of inspiration, so how about a new career when you do the same for teachers like myself? The students always complain about their home universities and the fact they face so many dull teachers and boring curriculum. I often wonder how to teach this young generation and what to give them. It’s a new world, new opportunities for us as well.
I’m looking forward for your new career as a professors’ advisor and creative director.
Love this, it is a very interesting idea for me to think about.
Love this reflection. Anxiety can be such a tricky enslaver – so often dressed up as ally!
Thanks for sharing your entire experience with us. I’ll eagerly wait for a newsletter called The Syllabus.
Thank you… for shaking me out of stagnation! ((~.~))
Where do I subscribe?! !
Your latest post truly spoke to me and my own sense of “what’s next for my life” that I experienced over the past several years. After getting fired from my job in Quality & Corporate Compliance at age 60 after 12 years and exemplary healthcare accreditation survey results, I felt liberated from working for a tyrannical female boss. I decided to retire from FT work, and to spend time with my husband of 37 years, who decided to retire from his own business. I came to realize that I missed working and being around other people on a regular basis. Being a true Renaissance Woman, my interests range from Professional Sports to utilizing my MPA degree working in the non-profit sector. I have two great PT jobs that keep me busy, mentally challenged and happy at work. I have free time to spend with true friends and my husband, who has been dealing with a benign brain tumor for the past several years. Here’s to turning 65 next March! Life is good.
I look forward to your sense of being creative ,wise and totally alive.
Thank you for being you so I can dare to be me in style… jajaja
All of the posts here have buoyed my spirits. I’ve just “celebrated” my 68th and I’m still teaching in University, but terrified of my “what next”. Seeing your fabulousness and reading of all the creative and positive things the other ladies of a certain age who have posted here are doing has cheered me up considerably. Any creative assignments (art-related) that you could share for my students? Keep writing and I’ll keep reading.
MJ
Wow, this is great news and I can’t wait. Best of Luck with this new adventure, Lyn.
Wow, I cannot tell you how your words have inspired me and gave me anxiety at the same time. I need to step up my game to be in this instagame. Today was one of the first days I felt I need to move on with my blog and stop waiting. I want it to be helpful and fun at the same time for both you and me. I want to find my way and your words have plunged my one foot in front of the other.. My journey is about to travel down a new avenue.
Thank you!
Reinventing yourself is both exciting and daunting. I’ve struggled with sudden changes to my lifestyle – new jobs, having a baby – feeling almost grief at my “past life”. Anxiety and laziness definitely go hand in hand for me, it’s like the pressing need to do something paralyses my thought processes, so that Instagram post really resonates with me. Breaking out of that mindset can be tough. I’m looking forward to seeing your newsletters and ultimately your magazine!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
Thank you Lyn so much for sharing, you are my inspiration. Looking forward to your new newsletter, magazine and book.
Marian.
I āfoundā you on Pinterest. Iām in a fashion funk, disappointed Iād allowed myself to get to the point where I look in my closet and see nothing I want to wear. In that sense youāve given me inspiration.
Researched you further, found your blog that ultimately led me here, and felt the need to comment. I can sort of relate to your experience because a knee injury put me out of commission for five weeks-limited mobility, hiatus from work. What did I learn? First I learned Iād do any physical therapy, any repetitive exercising, no matter how painful, to be able to get up and walk again. Next, and foremost, since I am near retirement age, I need to form a plan for my next chapter in The Book of Life! I need to come up with a plan for life after work-I need a purpose like the structure of being employed has provided. Sitting around in PJs is NOT productive! In hindsight, this inconvenience of being immobile has jumpstarted a thought process that I would have surely procrastinated. And you further pushed me into reality. Thank you!
Can’t wait to hear about that next chapter
I loved the way you started this blog and even more enjoyed when you continued writing in the same patternā¦I loved every detail of this post!!
Excited to hear about a “magazine”!! And the newsletter sounds great, too!! Love reading your inspirational and insightful writings!! Please don’t stop!!
No worries I am just in a period where I am taking a little distance to figure it all out.
I had a wonderful 40 year nursing career. I can relate to the comfortable predictability and structure related to educational pursuits and continuing education. I loved my academic stint, the collegial experience of involvement in professional organizations, and the rewarding while sometime frustrating experience of taking care of patients and families as a nurse practitioner. I felt afloat with nothing to structure my time but I am coming up to my 6th year of retirement and no regrets! It just takes awhile to get your bearings whatever that may turn out to be. Even though I had planned on retiring it came a little sooner than I thought it would. My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and we had things we wanted to do knowing what could be ahead sooner or later. Sometimes not having a hard and fast plan turns out just fine. And did it ever! We moved to a beautiful piece of rural Texas land knowing no one & trusted it would work out. I’m a born and raised city girl so that was a real stretch for me! Best thing I ever did!
I’m so glad you figured this out!
I would have adored to have you as a teacher!