I took a break from social media. At some point the weekend before last I just could not look at one more post, respond to one more comment, or patiently educate. Between the “Great Interrupter” and the Black Lives Matter movement, I experienced a next level reckoning with my age. The last time that happened was shortly before I started Accidental Icon and in retrospect, my blog and social media platforms were perhaps my unconscious response to media that was erasing me from the picture. My conscious intention was to express myself in more creative ways than my current life was allowing me to do.
While there is a substantial amount of promotion going on in Instagram and other social media for younger Black women in the fashion blogging and influencer world, there has been nothing about older Black women who aren’t already famous. They remain invisible. These beautiful women did not appear on the many lists of Black influencers “to follow.” I’ve checked out many of these lists and the lack of age diversity is stunning but not surprising. There are in fact older Black influencers and bloggers. We can identify with the desire these women have to live a satisfying, creative later life. Blogging and influencing can make up for the times where the choice of work (generally helping professions) did not pay all that much. These are women who also want to live their best life no matter how old they are. Blogging and Instagramming allows us to have some extra income.
During this time of reckoning with our nation’s racial history, I’ve had to face up to the ways I’ve been complicit in my internet workspace just like I had to in my social work and academic space. While much of this new generation believes they are the first to address racism, in my life as a social worker and professor I’ve seen racism manifested in the everyday life of my clients and students for many years before cellphone videos. I’ve seen how the roots of it are entwined in every system even those that are supposed to help. I’ve worked with others to intervene when we could. I’ve felt the shame and guilt that those new to the project are feeling and I have come to an acceptance of my white identity and all of the historical baggage and wrongdoing that entails. And I know no matter how much you think you have it, the way our brain automatically creates stereotypes when faced with overwhelming amounts of information, it means I am vulnerable to backsliding every day. This work has prepared me to live in this moment. I do not fear it, but welcome it.
Some of the older Black fashion and lifestyle bloggers follow me and I follow them, we started around the same time but they are not visible in the same way I am. I know how much it meant to me and to many of you that my project was making us older women more “visible”. I should have done more noticing and questioning why some of us were still not appearing in all those posts and articles in all of the fashion magazines and websites about “older influencers/Instagrammers/bloggers.” For that lack of “seeing” and “knowing”, I apologize to the Black women who were left out. This “forgetting” shows that we are never completely “there” and the work is ongoing always. Mistakes will be made. And as you know I’m fine with making mistakes. As long as you learn from them and if they create harm you address it through action.
So I’ve started some conversations with my Black peers about how to fix this lack of visibility. I’ve received inspiration and energy from these conversations. Despite the pain they are experiencing right now Black women are also full of joy. Unlike those new to this work, I will not put older Black women bloggers on a list in my Instagram Stories where they will disappear again in 24 hours. I want us to get to know their real names so we can have a meaningful relationship with these women because of who they are in all the many aspects of their lives. Because of their great capacity for joy. If you decide to follow them, it will be because you really want to and love their work not because you feel you must. Following someone because of guilt or in response to a demand ultimately diminishes the value of these talented and hard-working women. It will also lower their engagement rate if newly impulsive followers do not engage in the long term. For those of you who do not know the engagement rate is what brands look at when they are deciding to hire someone or give them work. These women have been living their best lives despite the challenges they have faced.
While I know how to do this work in the world of social welfare, I’m finding my way In this space of social media. I have some thoughts about how to share “the wealth” with others while also continuing to advocate and encourage all women, but especially older ones to live their best lives. I want to thank Stephanie AKA Haute Grey Fox for her generosity during a time of great pain, in making time to talk and think with me about how we can move forward together in ways that support us all in living our best physical, emotional, ethical and YES, fashionable and badass best life. This work needs to be part of what we talk about when we talk about sustainability.
So in a way, this context is just another twist and turn in the ongoing process of questioning, What Now? While I will always talk about fashion and style, there’s so much more to talk about now when it comes to living your best life at any age and when it comes to all the physical, emotional, ethical, sustainable and fashionable components of doing so. I want to share and talk about those things here. I want to invite others to talk about them with me.
So tell me what else besides fashion you would like to talk, learn about or explore when it comes to living your best life.
Gardening, literature, art/photography, learning how to be calm would all be good ideas. Love the shirt and the shoes, but especially the shirt. It is gorgeous. May I ask who made it?
Yes to all the great topics. The shirt is vintage Jean Paul Gaultier. I am trying to not wear anything that is new.
ahhhh yes. Like what Jane Fonda is doing. She said during her Firedrill Fridays (GreenPeace for Climate Change), she announced that she is no longer going to buy anything new. She rewore a red dress at the Oscars and the journalists from all levels made sure to write about her re-using a dress. My god! I uphold and support your mixing and matching of clothes for photo shoots and special events that converge with the season, your tone and tonality, your moods. I’m a follower for sure.
Thank you so much for this statement. In an effort to be sustainable I am also trying to show that fashion can be achieved by not purchasing new items. I have joined with a group of women, like myself, who adore fashion and are trying to be more earth friendly.
I am enjoying your posts, and as a 66 years young Black women, thank you in particular for this topic!
We have on=going work to do if we don’t want BLM to be just another hashtag. Doing it here with intelligent, experienced women will bring joy.
Love your posts!!! I wish I would!!!Keep going!!!!?
Balancing work and home with self care. Healthy diet , gardening.
Time set aside just for the quietness of your mind.
Thank you for discussing the intersectionality of racism and ageism. I would appreciate a continuing dialogue about intersectionalities where it is fitting. I also value your discussion around how to be authentic in addressing privilege – I am listening and learning. Metta to you
How spiritual belief systems have contributed to alienating race & gender from power bases in society & how White women in particular, have been complicit in reinforcing these divisions once they reached a certain level of economic comfort through “good” marriages. Have women contributed to fuelling the shame that surrounded women who, for example, “got into trouble”, “committed adultery”, or who sought to separate from their husbands? Can women who lived under certain social constraints, be blamed for their lack of courage in supporting those who challenged social, economic & religious patriarchal convention & tyranny?
Michelle,
I love your response and this is worth more than just posting on social media and a hashtag. How can we as women, once we do achieve a certain lifestyle not make others feel shame? I remember when I made some not so great choices and how I was ostracized and made to feel shame but now after obtaining a certain amount of financial security my detractors are silent.
I want to punish them by showing them that I have it and better off than most but I am better than that and will continue on in positivity, light & love. I will also be mindful that I help other women, all women lift themselves up and out of poverty.
Thank you to all of you beautiful women who help us create a more loving and inclusive environment so that we all, when given the same chances can thrive!
Beautiful. Thank you for being you.
Thank u for identifying Older African American not being mentioned in various media. I am a 65 year old very athletic African American woman who resides in Denver, CO. We are trivialized and marginalized by media daily. It was good to
see you make that statement and it is wonderful that some older white women with privilege get it.
You are more than welcome and I would welcome some ideas about how to become more athletic!
Hello, great topics have been mentioned and I am interested in all of them. I would add « Diversity and Inclusion », there is age diversity, diversity of thought, cultural, generational, sex and gender, language. It seems that there are many aspects of diversity that we don’t discuss.
Thank you for listening.
I like the idea of looking at fashion as political statement, how it, like music and other forms of expression, are woven into history and progress. And learning about notable designers and fashionistas of color.
Thank you, great suggestions.
I’m 61yrs, a professional health care provider in my community. I’ve been recognized in the media for my contributions . . ..
When I was younger, just starting, considered an influence.
The question that came to reading your words is
Do you & these women you speak still require affirmation of their existence & contributions?
When does self-actualization occur? Knowing your value to the world without someone else telling you that you matter, that you are worthy.
As we age it’s time to let that pride go & share what you now know to uplift the next generation of influencers.
Maybe there is another way to life. Live for others, not ourselves
I can answer your question and say no and I will speak for myself, I do not need affirmation.For me, this is about social justice and equity, not a need to be seen. We started blogging and by the way, many of us had long lives of service to others before deciding to express ourselves creatively through the vehicle of blogging. I know for me the fact that money could be made from it was a sort of surprise. This is also another form of service and is not about being affirmed or seen. It’s about being self-actualized in that we have a desire to express ourselves through writing, art direction, and fashion. If we needed affirmation from others we would not continue doing it. I have thousands of emails and direct messages from women who have been inspired by this blog to take risks, resist ageist stereotypes that limit their lives and make changes including starting their own businesses. I have many of the same emails and messages. younger women thanking me because they are no longer afraid to be old. Now that women are living longer their work lives are extending 10 or even 20 years past the usual retirement age and we should be offered the same opportunities as others. The issue is equity.
Thank you. The issue is equity.❤️
I like your post. Let us have justice for all and remind ourselves and others that we are equal – then, let us get on with life!
This is one of my favorite of your posts. I started following you when I turned 50 as I was looking for role models that could help me navigate my “aging”. Societal attitudes towards aging are predominantly negative, especially for women of color. I find your writings refreshing, inspirational. Thank you for taking on the subject. I look forward to hearing more.
I am curious as to whether you may have read the May 27th article by Otto von Busch (adapted from his book with Josh Korda) about the dharma of fashion and The Fashion Fantasy? It’s an interesting read. “In the world of fashion, there is no old age, sickness, or death. We are always young, beautiful, and of the moment…”. “.. the mass marketing of denial.”
He writes about the current model of fashion not being sustainable. It is a very thoughtful essay.
“There is no death, only the continuous flow of new seasons and new collections.”
Lastly,
“Can we transform habits of self indulgence into insight?”
This question alone leads one down a rabbit hole but it is worth investigating!
Love this idea, thank you.
Thanks so much. I really can relate to your writing.
Hi Lyn – I honestly don’t think anyone is being intentionally excluded in the conversation about fashion or lifestyle.. There is just so much content available online. I found you simply because you were referenced in an article on a website i saw. I checked you out out of curiosity….as I probably would with anyone who peaked my interest. I am in your ‘age bracket’ but don’t let age define me. It is a number and and more than anything, an attitude.
Intentional or not that is the outcome, Black older women are excluded unless they are famous. Older women are often excluded from mainstream fashion media generally. The way it works is that when you put my name or even over 50 in google I go to the top of the page, even when there are many others equally as worthy of attention. If you look at all the posts of older women influencers/bloggers on Who What Wear, Fashionista, all the on-line versions of Harpers Bazaar, Elle, all over the world we are all white.
So to prove my point put in the search term over 50 fashion bloggers. See who comes up in all the lists and articles.Report back.
Racism and viewing others as less than will never be completely eliminated in human beings yet we must continue to strive for MLK’s dream for America. I wonder how many know that not only white men but Africans participated in the slave trade. We all have historical baggage. Ageism is widely tolerated in our culture & rarely acknowledged. More than one Saturday Night Live sketch has stereotyped older characters for cheap humor. I thought the younger writers might be more woke than that. I can continue to influence my small universe by being open for growth with each & everyone I encounter, acknowledging honestly that we all have advantages & limitations at any age, & understanding we all hold biases we’re not necessarily aware of. Most importantly I will speak truth as best I can and refuse to be silenced & discarded if I dare to have a viewpoint that differs from another. When did we lose our common sense? The “everybody gets a trophy” mindset has left many of our younger folks clueless about what resiliency looks like and unprepared to endure discomfort (micro aggression?). How do you have meaningful conversation when disagreement is labeled a sin?
Apparently it is still ok to be bigoted against those of us of a “certain age”. Seems it is the only “group” where bigotry is fully acceptable. POC, gay, trans, disabled…these are groups where bigotry against them will get you verbally strung up on social media. But these people who like to think they are so tolerant, these same Social Justice Warriors will easily say “Ok boomer” to an older person as a taunt or dismissive and not even think twice about it. I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon.
When I was young, we were taught to respect our elders. Not anymore.
I read an article in the last couple of years about how Google changed how search results would come up in a google search. Top results had to do with money and profit, not unbiased results. I remember being upset about this as it would affect what information I looked at. Federal regulations were relaxed and people in power were changing the way my searches operated. Something like this is done without many of us even aware of it. One thing I have continued to do is write my legislators to support justice. Racial justice, economic justice, health justice, social justice, LGBTQ justice, criminal justice, legal justice. It seems like a small thing, but many small things add up to big change. I have time to do this. I am 62, retired, white, too vulnerable to protest, but I can write and support justice. I also like nice clothes, and sometimes feel guilty about this in the time of the Great Interruptor. It seems trivial.
Yes we are complex human beings in all of our needs, wants, and desires.
About how friendships change, evolve and sometimes fade.
Seeing how others cope in ways that surprise, enlighten and sometimes dismay. The virus is like an ongoing psych test of ptsd stress etc
How do we handle all of this?
Thank you for wonderful topics.
Thank you for noticing the “invisibility” of older black women…it’s also true in TV & film.
Wow!
Thanks for saying what many were thinking and missing!
I hope someday other women like me, plus-sized, will not be dismissed. It is still okay to ridicule us. I hate fought this for more than 40 years.
We will take this on as a topic, thank you.
Frankly I want to see women move forward in general. There is still disparity in how they are treated. Women are held to a higher standard in general. I would also like to see older women more Respected and empowered.Fashion is helpful as it allows a woman to be expressive and that can give a type of empowerment. It feels great to use fashion creatively and it’s fun to be “on trend.” I often feel dismissed and sometimes am actually dismissed due to being “mature”. It feels as if I am supposed to step back and accept invisibility. Nope! What I would especially like in these times is to see black women supported and the ugly racism eradicated. Yes, I would love to I see older black women featured more, supported, and empowered. As social media has gotten so touchy, I have chosen to keep some of my thoughts to myself. That doesn’t feel too empowering at all. Happy to see you back. These are difficult times.
I just love this post….thank you so much for your voice, your ideas, your style. As so many have, I am questioning myself, my thoughts, my actions. I ponder how, how do I find myself in situations to broaden my engagements with other women, women of color, women of different cultures. As a younger version of myself, I never wondered how would I meet people, it just seemed to happen. Now, my older version, especially as a single woman, seems lost…. Am in no way complaining…I have a good life….I just keep feeling like there is more…. ♥♥
Good conversations to start.
Thank you for this post. It is nice to be noticed. From an “invisible” older Black woman. 🙂
I am trying to absorb so much information these days. It is almost like a battery boost to be close to overwhelmed with the ideas and “places” to find information that has been invisible to us unless we have going excavating. I am 65 and invisible as an older woman but of course now recognize just how wide the spectrum is. Despite the horror of the recent events and the (Long overdue) rising response It sharpens the mind to be mining so much enlightenment. Thank you for your contributions.
Single women aging in America is an important subject for us all to share thoughts. What age is old today? What does that mean? What does it look like to age well? Why is there an insistence in society for women to be married or paired up in some fashion?
Really great questions
Being in my late 50’s, I’m continually working on how to be my authentic self. Your blog is so inspiring!!!! The shirt is the bomb!!!
NO MORE WHITE GUILT! You are. Who you are…A beautiful blessed woman of age. I’m sure you have black friends of our age. You just be a friend to them, ok. My name is Venitra Clark. I live in Elmira New York, (way upstate..half hour from Cornell University). I’m a 69 year old black grandmother of two, mother of one. My 69 years are my life stripes. And , I’m proud of my life stripes. Allow me to recommend a important book for your library. “PARABLE OF THE BROWN GIRL“. written by Khristi Lauren Adams. It’s actually written for teens and young women. But, it’s a “must read “, for black women and white women., from 8-80. it will tell you how, we as black women operate in a white world. “You, do you”, ok . Blessings hugs and, peace.
Thank you, I look forward to reading Parable of the Brown Girl.
Venita~ Thank you so very much for recommending ” Parable of the Brown Girl”…had not heard of it, and love last sentence of its description: “Thought-provoking and inspirational, Parable of the Brown Girl is a powerful example of how God uses the narratives we most often ignore to teach us the most important lessons in life. It’s time to pay attention.”
I am 71 and have worked with refugees/immigrants and migrants, the marginalized and minimized, all my life, on several continents..both the voluntary and the involuntary as Ogbu describes in his research…the pot is boiling over,, and it’s up to us whether its a scalding mess or a pot of tea over which we may choose to reconnect as a human race…
I love exactly what you are doing. Many women “our” age are also living alone. To date or not to date?
morals and ethics… character… citizenship… I asked my godson about these topics and whether or not they are ever addressed at school. No, he said. They used to be not only taught but aspired to — I recall that there was a citizenship award in grade 5 when I was 10 years old in 1967. I remember how we all agreed that the little girl who got the award was everything one wanted in a good citizen. You are talking about health (re: the great interruptor) and how we need to examine discrimination but emotional and ethical health means we talk about what it means to be a good citizen as an individual, as citizens of this world and what that looks like — all the things that need to change and all the changes we need to aspire to. I so enjoy your thoughts and hope you keep on keeping on.
Your insights are always very interesting to me. I am going on 61 and have just finished a Masters in Art Therapy. Art Therapy in my country is not as big as it is in yours so after 4 years of study I am now going to finish off some extra counselling units and see how I might assist people. If you like I’m doing things in reverse of you. Gone is the high paying work of my past which allowed me to spend on the latest fashions. Gone also is the haste and exhaustion of living an inauthentic life. As for the fashion, I hope to stay current/fresh with the occasional new or vintage piece. With more time, I am enjoying moving into my creativity more and combining my existing clothes in new and exciting and ways.
Thank u for this post. It has extended my thoughts to my own unconscious complicity – an area I’m just beginning to understand. This post is brave and encouraging and I look forward to travelling deeper with u.
I’d love to hear about some fashion television having recently discovered a show on Amazon Prime that I found interesting because it brought together independent fashion designers from around the world.
Thank you for 6our thoughts. As I read them, I realized a s an educated, black women of 72, there are few thoughtful, fashion role models I can look to . Thank you for Haute Grey Fox and thank you for your blog as well!
Lyn is a rare jewel…the only privileged person I could ever talk about this with so openly.
I appreciate your taking the time to express your feelings. ❤️
Sincerely,
Haute Grey Fox
AKA Stephanie
Thank you for you for your thoughts. As I read them, I realized a s an educated, black women of 72, there are few thoughtful, fashion role models I can look to . Thank you for Haute Grey Fox and thank you for your blog as well!
Thank you for linking to Haute Grey Fox. I just signed up for her emails and am looking forward to her posts.
I enjoy diversity, having a healthy vegan diet, spiritual balance and conversing with open minded individuals. I really enjoy going to the thrift stores and rummaging thru the clothes for that 1 lucky item that will bring me joy. I hope to one day find a few others like myself so we can have a “girls day out” together and visit the thrift stores in the area.
I love your post and what you wrote. Thank you for that!
Christine
You poignantly (as always) bring up the invisibility that those of us who are aging feel. I cannot even imagine that feeling if I were black or brown. I am in the fitness world for older adults and I am 66. You have inspired me to seek out ALL older people that are interested in aging in the best health as possible.
We can be fashionable at all ages and sizes and we should strive to be healthy as well. It doesn’t matter your size, age, gender, or or color if we pay attention to our strength, flexibility, stability and endurance. We may not be bench pressing hundreds of pounds, but we should strive to do the most we can to enjoy our life. Those activities of daily life (or as we say in medicine ADLs) keep us engaged in life and by default beautiful.
Many thanks for your insights and inspiration. All the best and happy for this post.
Bravo!
Thank you for explaining how you intend to combat racism and work with Black peers. I am interested in the intersections of older women, LGBTQ culture, the arts and mental health. Also, I believe that anti-racism, environmental work, the me too movement and fighting income inequality are worth my time and effort.
Wonderful. I have been reading about intersectional environmentalism which I think encompasses many of your interests. There is a young woman I follow from London who has an amazing project. I will write more about it.
You inspire me. As a 73-year-old white woman, of the deep South, the events of these past months have refocused my thoughts, life, and ideas about the future. Please continue to do what you do so well. Applause for bringing in our Sisters of all diversity and cultures. I am gladly learning from the upheaval of this past time or shall I say it….no to our current national leadership, you and I know what is happening. If you select this for a post please do not use my name. So sad and disturbing that we live in a time of fear. However, I am becoming more and more fearless. Please keep inspiring me. Be well, healthy, and content.
Love your writing, your thinking, and you. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Techniques older, active and still “spry” women can employ to make ourselves more visible to the rest of our age-conscious society. When I speak or write I want to be taken seriously. But how?
When I was 9 years old I was swimming in the ocean which I loved. I went further and further out to catch the waves. I got caught in a rip current and didn’t know what it was. I figured out that if I swam along the shore line instead of towards it I would move closer to the beach. I was scared but I didn’t know enough to scream. I was afraid of getting in trouble. I “spoke” to the ocean and it told me to follow its lead and I got safely onto the beach. That’s what things feel like now. So much scary turmoil at once but if we listen to the universe it is telling us we are going to land in a good place. It is hard to witness all this disruption and pain but it is going to bring us to a happier, healthier and more balanced place.
Beautifully said.
As an older woman – thank you for championing our demographic. As a white woman I’ve been feeling very lost with the events that have been going on, and particularly for the last 4 years. The trashy-ness of our supposed leadership. It’s like they have given people permission to be morons. Other than voting (which I do religiously) I’m searching for what I can do to make things better – for everyone to be able to live their best life
I think we can have some conversations here what can be realistic and actionable.
I am 58 years old and dealing with rebuilding my life for a many reasons. I’d love to talk about the oppression of poverty and the lack of support to reinvent yourself at this stage of the game..
Wonderful topic!
I am reading so much about “white privilege” and the effects it has in our society. I would love to discuss all the issues of white privilege, especially the subtle forms that nag at society and slow progress. Plus,k I think every woman has one or two things she would love to get off her chest so she can feel like she has a voice in how we move forward.
Excellent topic and one I have spent a lot of work on myself and teaching others as well.
Talk about about a Matriarch whom happens to be a women of color that is not American born but heading a family do black American men when she became. Widow at 47 years old. Educated, career, love fashion and can cook wonderful meals for 3 generations of Black American Men, and is still standing. I have been following the accidental icon for a few years. Love, love your style.
I am a black woman who just turned 50. I love your truth, your creativity and beauty. I feel relieved when a person whose work I admire acknowledges this struggle.
As always, Lyn, what you have to say is a breath of fresh/authentic air. It is a relief to have someone say all these things so clearly. Much of what you wrote has been an inchoate mess in my head and heart these last weeks!
You asked for questions. What I find myself wondering these days is if I will ever feel much joy again in creative dressing. I was never a “normcore” person before, at least not on a regular basis. But now that’s all that seems appropriate for the pandemic and the social upheaval. Plain, serviceable clothing. At least the social upheaval is positive! But I miss the big daily spark of joy that I used to get from dressing …I don’t know when or if it will return ever again. Is life altered forever?
I have a firm commitment to social justice. I am left of centre politically. Yet, I love fashion. Why do I feel guilty about this?
I am about to turn 63. I retired at 61 from teaching. Most of my career I taught students with Learning Disabilities. 63 is not a number I relate to. However, I notice more and more that I am becoming invisible. Ageism is alive and well even when one doesn’t feel their age. I strive to maintain a sense of myself as being attractive and yes-still sexy. But, it’s not always easy. It has now become another battle of self-acceptance alongside my acceptance of my not so toned anymore, body. Why do women have to spend so much time reassuring ourselves that we are ok?
Hi Kim. I’m Robin,a 62 yr old Black woman and I used to feel guilty about that also. I don’t know if this helps,but you’re not alone in how you feel. We are ok.We are enough. I’m at a similiar place in my life and it’s difficult to see the changes and yet accept them. Some of us fight them You get to choose and there is no perfect way through this. You are enough…
You are even more than enough!
I really appreciate reading about other mature women’s ideas, life lessons, and of course, fashion. I am 4’10”, a recently retired Pastor of my church, 73 years old, and ready for a change. Between height and age, I need to find my own style. Not old lady, but not foolishly young. Hearing how other women have navigated or are in the process of navigating these life changes would be very interesting and helpful. Thank you for asking!
À 53 ans, j’ai l’impression d’être passée date.
Bien que je devrais me sentir fière de mes accomplissements, ce n’ pas le cas ?
Je suis toujours en quête de ma mission sur cette Terre…
Etes-vous en France, Nathalie? Il y a des réseaux féminins, des coachs et des associations qui existent pour aider des femmes à la recherche de leur ” mission sur Terre”.
Cordialement
Corinne
My emotion health! I feel emotionally childish, as though I am not allowed to cry be upset with my family for their right wing beliefs as I am gay however they say “ I love you” . I feel emotionally challenged, stunted, sad, hurt … and not allowed to share or show these thoughts or emotions. Why is that why does society look down on anyone showing emotions they see as negative. Stuff it all down….do that at home but home doesn’t want it either.
I am a great Realtor I can help anyone get where they want to go. I struggle helping myself!
Important and excellent topic.
Hi Ms. Icon. I love reading your comments and love your attitude. As an 81 yr old black (jazzy old broad) female, I wanted to set up a blog and get on instagram but have difficulty on how to set up. Started with word press a few months ago but it was (at the time) more than I bargained for mentally. I did get the name :). Hope to get it set up in the next few months. If you have any ideas for me I’d love to hear them.
Keep safe and keep doing what you’re doing.
Shoot me an email at Lyn@accidentalicon.com and we can connect or I can also do a blog post about it.
I would like to talk and hear about art and female artists. There ate very few artists, black or white – our age, that are noticed and acknowlegded
Well, you write beautifully!
What’s current for me is the daughter/mother generational divide. I’m a punk rock generation, mid fifties, bad ass. I have a twenty year old, “woke” generation child. I say that with some good old fashioned British sarcasm but there’s a serious point here. For example, nuance is not a part of my exposure to the educated twenty year old language. If you vote for Trump you are a monster, if you wear that piece of clothing, you are a “Karen”, if you’re white and wear braids, you are racist, you get the picture. I laugh sometimes because I’m the teen who wore Doc Martin boots, a mohawk and chains up and down my attire, pogoing to the Sex Pistols and feeling very anti establishment. I think an article looking at how different generations of women from the same family can learn from each others experience and creativity could be inspiring. My mother is 80, beautiful and as wild as the free spirited Irish Diva she grew up to be. I couldn’t see any of that when I was 20 but now I see her clearly. I also see my daughters free spirit and own unique style which I balk at sometimes. The feminist in me doesn’t get the pouting, air brushed, photoshopped selfie but I’m trying to be open to ideas that don’t fit with my ideals or aesthetic. I think there’s a range of issues tied up in the above paragraph, but something taken from there could be fun.
Thank You:-)
I love this idea. I do remember hearing the words, “Don’t trust anyone over 30” lol
How to accept aging gracefully, or as you say, become a bad ass at any age. I personally feel left out as I’ve aged. Everything seems to be young or nothing. At 62 I want to live my best life, but find it difficult to know how in a young world.
We can absolutely talk about this.
I love your writings, I live in Summerset. SD and often feel I am out of touch. One reason is in my opinion in our area when you retire you disappear from life and once the cards are retirement cards are given that is the end so to speak. I have a desire to do something now and you are giving me the courage to dram what that could be at this time of my life. I love your comments when you thank Stephanie, moving forward in ways that support us all … what I love is your sharing about fashion and also sharing your impressions of how things swirl around us all. I know it gives me new energy!!!
Well said. As a recent graduate of a Masters of Social Work program, I would love a discussion on how the political climate plays a role in fashion. Thank you for asking.
Dear Lyn,
I too have been thinking of all the years as a social worker and witnessed systemic racism. I am of Spanish African decent (colonialism) Mexican and experiencing the middle ground of White and Black issues in society it is stressful. I desire a change for humanity regardless of skin color I want equity. It starts in small micro-actions removing the implied bias that does not let you see a person of color as capable of doing anything else than being of a different race. Continue the conversation and do more than pull the curtain of the puppet master. Thank you for your thoughts.
Thankyou Lynn for this opportunity. I too am coming up on a “ next level reckoning with my age” and have been working hard to determine what my next chapter should look like and how I can best serve , and live my best life.
I have been an entrepreneur for 35 years , in another area of fashion and style, Interior Design. The longer I am around the more I believe that everyone needs a space to live in that makes them Feel, calm and safe and creative and beautiful. Tall order, but my designer colleagues, and I , black and white continue to work towards this lofty goal.
This is a great topic to explore more deeply. In social work our central theory and the one that makes us unique is the concept of person-in-environment We exert mutual influence in both positive and negative ways. We now know that environments can impact our brains also both in positive and negative ways. So this is a great issue to dive into.
Really nice to address the factor of age and popularity in this article. I would like to discuss how women 60 and older stay engaged and seen by all groups. Isn’t that the next thing to address age (senior) discrimination? I do not want to draw from BLM topic. But the seniors in Western society are often excluded. How could we turn that around? Thanks
We can have this discussion and still privilege BLM.
Wonderful introspective view on the systemic issues we face in America. Brilliant thoughts on sharing equality to us women of senior age…. all senior women!! Thank you for your heartfelt real thoughts. I’ve taken the liberty to pass this blog onto my dear black wise hard working women pals!!
Thank you for your insight. At the end of the day it will take the insight of those of us that realize there is no perfection but we can maybe, just maybe, take a bit of wrong and make it right. I am 78, grew up in Los Angeles and really was not aware of how racist this country can be until we had a girl in high school telling us about separate but equal schooling she received in the south. When I joined the army and took basic training in Anniston, Alabama I saw first hand segregation at its worst. I was confined to a post in SC when sit-ins were happening, was raising two young children in TX when Reverend King and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated and when Johnson signed the civil rights act. And I have lived to see our first black president. Injustices have been and will continue to be done from one human to another all over the world. Hopefully someday we can fulfill our potential as a species with the largest brain pan and wonderful abilities to create.
Hi Lyn, I am 52. I see very little in my travels about women my age. Would love to her more about my age group. I also have 8 year old twins. Hearing other women’s experience being An ‘older’ mom would be wonderful as well.
I would like you to investigate and discuss books that may in some way
Give White people a glimpse of what it is like to live as a Black in America.
This is an interesting question. I’ll address it.
I am enjoying the more serious more considered tone of the posts you have made in the coronavirus lockdown period. For us all there has been plenty of time to consider what really matters in life and the way we want to move forward.
To suddenly be in an elderly endangered category as I approach seventy has been a real shock. Or reckoning. I’m fortunate to still be active, healthy, have no comorbidities and yet in England have to stay sequestered. Some very interesting comments today in the FT written by Patti Waldmeir in Parting Slot column in the magazine. She is nearly 65 and the FT North American correspondent. ( @waldmeirPatti) as she describes herself diabetic and asthmatic. ” Up to now, I’ve thought I was in the ” 60 is the new 40 crowd” : now I know there is no such crowd”. And earlier in the same piece she writes “Part of it is the whole “60 is the new 80″ paradigm that the pandemic has forced on us …”
How does one navigate this new abnormal ? When in less than a year from reviewing books like ” Extra Time” and “B(older)” about the active dynamic older people, those with the skill set and education to keep on being in demand one will need to stay cloistered out of harms way.
I like the longer hair, mine is too since I’m awaiting the reopening of hairdressers here for a trim, your colourful and flattering patterned chiffon blouse with coordinated high heeled mules tempered by rolled up blue jeans. A good look. And one to wear myself from similar components in my wardrobe. Today it’s olive linen culottes and a sunflower and white striped knitted linen tee. And sandals with cork soles and Aqua leather straps, silver bangles.
Very good to be raising the whole issue of black older Influencers.
British Vogue features essential workers of different ethnicities on its cover, as Grazia did early in the pandemic. Things may be moving forwards slowly and with the necessary awareness.
Stay tuned for my next post. Going to address this topic.
You have been admirable. I understand supporting black lives matter. Your continued leadership of mature women changing history is amazing. Would love you to continue with sustainable fashion and lifestyle too. It is hard right now but your writings and comments help your followers
I have pre-ordered a book called The Slow Grind. It advances the idea of intersectional environmentalism. Simply put people and the planet are elevated over profits. It’s long and slow work but I love the sentiment of it because the cornerstone of it is creativity.
“I believe you have one choice every morning. You choose to either to get on living or dying. This stubborn old woman has too much living to do. Everyday I put on the bitch boots, apply the bitchstick, do my hair & warn satan to stand back‼️” (Unknown)
When I came across this quote many things raced through my mind…
– permission to let go of yesterday
– acknowledgement of a life to be lived fully in each day
– freedom to make a choice
– admission of who and what we bring to this day
– carte blanche to push back the demons and feel the wind in our hair
It makes me feel joyful.
I feel joyful reading this right now
WOW – THANK YOU!! I was thinking the same thing. And, as a mixed race, straight, cis-woman, I feel left out of the equation too. I’m not talking race – I’m talking age discrimination. Because we have a large cohort in this society of Boomers who are left out of the protest. Somewhere along the line, while we were sleeping, the social security age eligibility was pushed out to 66 1/2. Sometime during our slumber, we were cut off from claiming a divorced spouse’s SS benefits before we took our own (you have to be born before 1954). And any SS benefits that you take before age 70 are severely diminished in amount. So those of us who do not have substantial pensions, savings or are just plain rich, are forced to continue in the work force. And that’s where we meet the new “woke” generation of Xers and Millenials who will willingly fight for LGBTQ, Black, Native American, Immigrant lives but if you are older than 40, you are considered fair game to be diminished. I’d like to organize the next protests about how Boomers are supposed to exisst without incomes. Too old to work, too young to retire, too scared of the future. And all of this is part of the extreme income inequality that is exploding around the world. Sorry for the rant – thanks for attending my Ted Talk.
This is an amazing content topic. I would add that we try to think about making an income in ways that allow us to live creatively and privilege people planet and ourselves equally.
I too, have taken a break from the chaos of recent days. I great respect the eye opening blogs and the noted lack of respect for older women in fashion. All women have the right to be beautiful. It shames us to be ignored when we are “past our prime.” You present a bright light for the glories of age, intelligence, grace and the experience of life ignored by so many. We are not shadows of former glory, but the blossoms of a life well lived.
I applaud you for your self appraisal and acknowledgment of your own neglect of peers who happen to be black. I also appreciate your desire to broaden the subject matter of your posts. I have lived in several regions of this country, all in suburban America, (all of them white bubbles) for most of my 66 years, and have had minimal exposure to people of color in my daily personal and professional life. I am anxious to learn how we, as part of the older generation, can make a difference in this world. What are effective ways to contribute to making this a more inclusive society, and one where living while black or brown does not predetermine the opportunities and consequences of your life? I’d like to learn about others who have travelled down this road and learn workable solutions from them.
English is my second language & I have used it in my 30-year career as a nurse but now that I am retired & not socializing very much I am finding myself unable to express myself in English. I even lost my interest in reading because of that. Please help!!
Well you did quite well expressing yourself right now. What is your first language?
I care for my elderly dad who need help with everything. In between, I have been searching my roots and learning the history of each place and timeframe encountered. This led me to plan trips to Ireland and Poland and to learn Polish. I am loving it!
I too have been exploring my roots. My Dutch and English roots are heavily implicated as inventors of capitalism and colonialism. My Irish roots and the relationships that the Irish have had in America with Blacks is a very complicated one that involves Irish women, intermarriage, co-creation, co-existence, and Irish as oppressed becoming the oppressor. I would highly recommend researching specific relationships between our white ethnic identities and our relationship with Black people globally. I own every aspect of my white identity but that does not mean I am doomed to reproduce it.
Spirituality of women. How it can influence society.
I like this idea too.
An important statement. Posting changed for me since the pandemic and then, once again, right in my backyard a black man is killed by police. Phando Castile, George Floyd. My partner in life for the last 23 years is a black man. I thought we had already had all the discussions about race and white entitlement but that wasn’t true. Layers and layers of repressed emotions are boiling up.
Day to day aches we have that Great/Grandmothers didn’t share
One year ago, I became an angel investor for a black owned business called Java Masters and Counter Coffee, based out of Illinois. Since the death of George Floyd, I’ve reached out to the CEO, as I’ve wanted to get to know him better. He was born into poverty on a coffee farm in Africa. His grandparents and parents relocated from their village in Western Cameroon (now Limbe) in the early 1900’s to escape capture in slavery. This is just fascinating to me–that in 2020, how closely tied black Americans are to slavery and the long term ramifications because of so much damage and marginalizing of people. I feel we have become totally numb to this reality and something is finally changing. I am glad I’m making friends with this person and getting to know about his struggles and journey to his “American Dream”, making his passion for coffee into a successful American business. We can hashtag #blacklivesmatter and that’s all good. But what else can we do to contribute and be a part of black peoples’ lives? For me, I’m not only going to be an investor, but I’m also donating my photography and design skills in order to contribute towards his business. So on top of managing my start up fashion business, I’m going to be quite busy, but good busy. I am desperate for change. Maybe if I just do little things like this, I will feel better about living.
If all of us do little things, it can add up to BIG change! Thank you for your insightful thoughts.
This is exactly the kind of response that is rooted in action. I am already seeing all the hashtags get less and less and wonder how many real actions are happening outside of the Instagram view. I am a lover of coffee I want to do an entire post about it so here is a way we can also collaborate. I will look up this business and find out more. Incorporating Black-owned businesses and the stories of the real people behind them into the “live your best life” content could be another way to take an action. Thank you for this.
You are a great inspiration, not just in fashion, but also on other topics. I am a White women living with a Jewish man. His grown up children are from Ethiopea. So we are a mixed family. I guess there are many mixed families in the US? How to deal with integration is another topic, which is very High on the list in many European countries.
Lyn, can I use just your first name? Thank you for continuing to show up and share~I esp. appreciate your wild and wonderful celebration of “fashion” as a sacred, both personal and politically positive practice!
You were made for this post. As someone said in the comments above how much they appreciate this side of your writing. I have to say that you have a way of drawing us in and asking us to think beyond our immediate surroundings. I know, first hand, that our invisibility increases with age. Ageism is so ingrained in the social fabric of the US, that many take it as the norm. Not me. Not you. And obviously not your amazing readers above, are taking this as the norm.
This is one more barrier to knock down, one more ceiling to breakthrough. And to do it in a united front of women of all colors, sexual identity, and age. The time is here for us to stand together. We are viable in our wisdom, our knowledge, and our evolutionary vision and our spirit. Thank you so much for your words.
And herein lies our manifesto!
I am grateful for your calm,reflective insights. I took a break too; there was so much going on, I couldn’t be productive and my husband told me I was looking more down than usual. I’m Chinese Canadian, married to a man of Swedish decent. While interracial couples are pretty normal where I live, because of the Great Interruptor, there is backlash at the Asian community. I grew up quite happily in a white neighbourhood and for all my 51 years, this is the first time I ever heard of it being so bad in Vancouver.
It’s only a handful that are being stupid (sorry, here’s no other word to describe it) and violent. Most people have taken an calm, educated approach,like yourself.
Thank you so much.
I can completely relate. My partner and fabulous photographer Calvin is Chinese and I worry every time he goes out the door.
I admire you !!
I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart! What a great ally you are Lyn. I remember there was an interview with Jessica Chastain and Octavia Spencer, they were negotiating a movie contract. Octavia Spencer Academy award winner was just happy to get the job. Jessica negotiated that they both receive the same amount or she was not going to do the movie. Perfect example that we need you to help shine light on us Queens ?
Yes especially now, especially at our age we need to lift each other up and demand equality.
Wow,thank you for this post. I am in South Africa and I was looking for modelling opportunities for older woman and I came across your blog. I would like to follow in your footsteps and that of black women bloggers.
Thank you for the inspiration for this post.
I absolutely love your heart expressed here. As an anthropologist I too have worked with women of colour, particularly the remarkable women of the Rajasthan desert with whom I lived and worked for almost 20 years. I have peripherally experienced the deprivations brought by poverty and the invisibility caused by being deemed ‘untouchable’. With them I also experienced remarkable beauty in the colours of their clothing, their quilting and embroideries, their dance and their songs, and especially their storytelling. Women young and especially old are fascinating and carry so very much in their hearts and minds.
Do explore women and their artistries expressed as you find them.
I really admire your positive attitude! The best~
I love making life better while looking gorgeous (like u)!!!
I just found this post and would like to comment even though it seems to be a little late. I am 75 years old, white and no longer feel like I need to accomplish anything. I want to know deeply about others and acknowledge who they are. When I was working – in a man’s world, it seemed that everyone’s backstory drove what they did and how they thought. The guy from India was driven to succeed in the white man’s world. The guy from Iran wanted a Mercedes and a beautiful home. The guy from Iraq was angry at how his country was being treated. The black man was promoted to management and organized other blacks in the company. The women, it seems now were treated as an afterthought. Or as Sisters, Wives, Troublemakers. Certainly not equal.
I want to know your story, whoever you are. Especially black women of a certain age. I want to understand and care. My soul is hungry to know women’s truth.
I appreciate the intelligent
discourse you present on your blog. Yes. There’s more to examine when we mature. The key is to be courageous and daring to engage in self inquiry. The longer we live the more we have to forgive and to let go.
The most rewarding way to live is letting go of the “I” and becoming “One” with humanity.
Thank you for being sincere and inclusive.