I consider myself to be a very open person, yet I prefer to sleep on my side. Curled into a fetal position, I feel safe and usually have the sweetest and deepest of sleep. Two weeks ago I woke to a dull painful ache in my shoulder, intensifying with each passing day. No specific spot, no injury, no place to target and massage, just an undefinable heavy pain somehow mirroring what happens to my heart when I read the news. I want to stop, but I can’t. Not knowing feels more dangerous than knowing. There’s not one specific news event that does it, it’s the sum of the whole and makes me curl even tighter into myself, a human hermit crab that curls around its heart.
Now that I’ve become an amateur medical researcher, I’ve discovered that the cause of my shoulder pain is sleeping on my side. The cure is to sleep on my back, the least safe and comfortable position when I’m feeling so vulnerable. I tried it last night and periodically woke as every muscle and bone yearned to turn over and curl up protecting my vulnerable psyche. All situations that involve laying on my back cause this defensive response: a dentist chair, a doctor’s table, and a psychoanalytic couch. I feel exposed and vulnerable, like a turned over turtle with its soft belly to the sky. Yet in my attitude, approach to life, and in my mind, I am always open to just about anything. What is my body saying? Why is it telling me now it’s time to sleep on my back?
Since my illness, I’ve begun a daily yoga practice, 30 minutes every morning since August. One of the things I do and can do is relax deep into the corpse pose. Why not in bed? Perhaps it’s about letting go, giving up control to the unpredictable world of sleep where lovely dreams or scary nightmares are equally possible. Like what I read in the news. Like what is happening in my country right now. If I don’t want pain, I need to train myself to sleep on my back. I must practice being open and accepting during what feels like such a dangerous time.
When curled in too tight in a ball, I miss the potentiality and possibility of the moment, no matter how distressing. Sometimes if we protect ourselves too much, the consequence may be that we end up living in pain despite our best protective intentions. This pandemic and current time we’re living in brings us so many decisions to weigh. Do I go out or stay in? Do I hug my daughter who works in a school? She worries about me taking care of my granddaughter also in school. Do I go to a socially distant art gallery or meet a friend for tea? What should I do with my money, my retirement account? Dare I spend, or is it better to save? Should I mail in my vote or go in person to make sure they count it? Will I ever believe it’s safe to ride the subway again?
I’ve found out during my life that being open when you’re hurting allows you to heal, to think about life in different ways, and let in new people and ideas. To adjust and adapt to whatever may come your way and have the confidence to know you can. Even hermit crabs outgrow their shells and have to find a bigger one. So wish me luck as I train myself to sleep on my back so I can ease the pain and remain open to all the joy, wonder, and glory of being alive that also exists right now in this unprecedented (at least in my lifetime) moment in time.
How are you managing the pros and cons of all the decisions we have to make right now?
I know in my soul what is right… and I will do it. Just praying everybody else is doing same, not giving in to fear.
So glad to hear it. I was plagued with fear along with everyone else this spring. I live four states away from my family – who are everything to me. I was so afraid I would catch the plague and die alone, the panic would even interfere with my meals and my sleep.
Finally, seeing June and summer coming at me full speed with little change, I awakened. I began to realize the political/media was controlling science (as a former scientist and now nurse) I knew this wasn’t right. Most people know that science is a changing field; we learn as we go, as we experiment and test our theories. But, now science is controlled by politics – unacceptable. This – from the CDC to the NEJM.
In my lifetime, I have not seen this (I’m 66). So… my family had dealt with the plague and made it through (thank the Lord). I haven’t had it. But, I didn’t want to die alone; unloved. I decided to begin visiting again and praying a lot more than usual (is this possible?). I haven’t looked back. I love them enough to die for them. Do I WANT TO DIE of COVID?? Of course not!
I’m careful, see few people, wear a mask sometimes. I take Vitamin D, C and zinc. I wash my hands, etc. (same as always really). We have to reach a point to decide what is the most important thing to us? I was suffering by not seeing my family. My best friend and soul sister lost her mom this year. Her mom went dancing every week. She was in beautiful physical condition, but due to early Alzheimer’s she was in an assisted living facility.
The stopped allowing visitors. My best friend saw her mom very little. No hugs. No kisses. No dancing. This mom – this dancing, happy soul – died within three months; not from covid – but from loneliness.
I won’t do this.
God bless you and keep you safe.
Years ago this happened. I was putting too much weight on that right shoulder and the doctor recommended a physical therapist who taught me how to sleep on my back with a pillow to raise my shoulder son either side. I jokingly told my husband it was like being in a casket, only they don’t close the lid. What a lucky woman, you get to hug your daughter and take care of your grand-daughter I saw mine for 2 minutes yesterday after a bike ride. I have lived with that little girl, since she came on the planet and not they are on the farm in Half Moon Bay and I am home in San Francisco. I make jewelry, I write poetry, I play bass but it is not the same this little horror show of a president is beyond the pale. I am glad that I ran into you blog on Pinterest.
When social distancing becomes the norm, hermits turn pro.
The only two changes I needed to make were to wear a proper mask for the occasional foray into public areas and to wash my hands more frequently.
Very interesting because I sleep the same way and have more wrinkles on one cheek than the other because of my prefer sleeping side.
Still struggling to sleep on my back
I have simplified my life so that my decision-making activities are only those that are the most important to me affecting my life path. I don’t over-think the process. I do not make any decisions on anything that is out of my control. I take one day at a time and live in the moment. The remainder of my decision making activities revolve around keeping my life simple, uncluttered, peaceful, emotionally, mentally and physically balanced. Less is more as the saying goes.
I sleep with closed fists, like a boxer. This is a defensive unconscious reflex I have. As for sleeping on your back, I do it and turn my head only on either side and you know what? I have the impression that my whole body is turning on the side! The only problem is I open my mouth during the night, to breathe -and no, I have no apnea – which is worst when I am sleeping on my back. Oh well… things of Age I guess. Thank you for your constant inspiration. Be safe, be well.
Beautifully said. I’m managing by working on deep compassion for myself and others. : )
Oh my! Your dialogue reflected mine! I believe this is a reaction to the virus. I can only imagine how much more intense these feelings are in your country.
I’m so lucky to be in NZ. Even so people are less secure, more inclined to stay home than venture out. Slowly this is changing. I notice the change in myself. When skies are blue I become more motivated after months of procrastination.
Tonight I will venture onto my back! Thankyou.
You perfectly nailed how I’m feeling during this black period in our society. Wanting to just curl into a ball and pray that everything will right itself. My anxiety with the current state of disaster in the white house and with our beautiful earth is through the roof. I try not to fall into the rabbit hole of bad bad news, but it’s like watching a train wreck, I can’t look away. I know I can’t be the only person who just wants to cry, thinking about climate change and how our country is either drowning or burning away. This tight feeling in my throat, that I try to manage with meditation and gratitude for the unbelievable life I have. Sorry to be such a negative nelly but I assume you can relate. Thanks for listening. I love your style and blog, thank you for sharing
I enjoy your ponderings. While I don’t usually offer advice, you may want to try taking Advil to alleviate the pain. I recently fell and the pain in my knee is real so while I’m hoping to regeneate some alternative muscles, over-the-counter medication is helpful.
Try a foam roller under your knees. It will keep you from turning onto your back in your sleep. Also, a C-shaped neck pillow (like the kind used on airplanes).
I also have been having a lot of shoulder pain recently. I sleep on my side, with my arm curled under my head. It’s hard for me to sleep on my back, as I feel vulnerable like that. I have been using CBD cream on my shoulder and elbow, and it does help. I do recommend it!
Not to be an alarmist, but there are serious illnesses known to be associated with shoulder pain. Check with your doctor.
Beautiful words. Yes, i wish you luck to surrender to human vulnerability.
Thank you so much for writing this today. I didn’t know a lot about our sleep positions and the things you said make me more aware. I’ve had shoulder pain in the past and I don’t know why it happened or why it went away, but it took a while. The upcoming election has filled us with anxiety, anticipation, and even cautious hope. Every day that passes presents challenges to remain upbeat. I share your feelings about not wanting to see the news and then wanting to know what’s happening in the world. I hate having to ask myself if doing this or that is worth my life, or the lives of my loved ones. But I do that. It’s made me aware of my unnecessary indulges, on one hand, but I lament about things I knew it was best to miss, like traveling to my granddaughter’s wedding in Washington. I’m determined to catch up, and I will. Clothing, to me, is a wonderful cocoon. It’s the only thing within my reach to enable me to have any control over my surroundings. As an artist, I endeavor to surround myself with joyous colors and masks that entertain people. I took your advice the other day, I dressed up, got out a wonderful handbag and went on a beautiful window-shopping tour of Barcelona, Spain. In the past, I’ve never taken the time to see so many panoramic views that are offered on the net of distant, exotic places and museums. It’s opened up a new world to me, even during this strange time. Thank you, so much, for sharing your words today. I’m always so happy to see a new message from you. You’re terrific.
Beautiful summary and metaphor for what so many of us are feeling. Thank you for putting words and positive suggestions into the mix. My friend and I are focusing on staying in one moment at a time. And I am dealing with some physical discomfort in just the way you describe: letting my body do what it needs to do and supporting it with yoga and meditation – and ice packs ?
Ice for bone pain, heat for muscle. Not sure-start with heat the follow with ice.
For soul pain? Maybe time or focus on others.
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, possessions – we cannot be free.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Not sure that I am all that well this week, however I find my Mindfulness practice keeps me rooted, and I try to practice gratitude in response to the difficult moments.
I had the same pain and it ended up being what is called “Frozen Shoulder”.
Movement, stretching and a little bit more TLC helps as well.
I also found that sleeping on your back is one of the best position for alignment both physical, mental and emotional, and I have fewer restless nights when I allow myself to do that.
Take care of yourself.
Ive found too that sleeping on my back almost impossible. My answer is to sleep surrounded by a pillow cocoon. Agh, aging stinks! Good luck.
I do this too! And I think this is the response to the metaphorical message of the post as well! At least for me.
I listen to my body and get and stay out of my head.
Amen!
Thank-you I too have had that pain sleep ing on my back was hard to learn using self hypnosis helped me over come the problem
This post really hit home. Vulnerability is an old acquaintance of mine. So much has changed and I have needed to reach inwards to find other pieces of myself that I haven’t seen for decades, and parts that I never knew I had, but which seem to have developed and grown like magic blossoms in the night. I am still terrified to go a dentist, and my husband is no longer alive to escort me as a protector although I will soon need to go anyway, with or without a human teddy bear beside me. Training myself to grow up and face the necessity of going to appointments I fear without a “protector” to walk me through it, at age 65 may seem a bit late but is essential in such things and better late than never I guess.
I sleep on either side with seven pillows stacked around me. The head pillow is a supple foam type to support my head in good alignment. On either right or left side, I wrap my free arm around two queen sized stacked pillows and rest my hand straight out on another smaller down pillow. There are these pillows on each side so I do not have to shift them when I roll over to change sleeping side. There is a synthetic “stuffed” pillow between my knees down to my ankle so all those related bones are all cushioned. I have a degenerated spine and find this is the most comfortable position. Do not wear bed clothes so nothing gets tangled or restrained in any way. Just pure comfort. Experiment with different pillow “stuffing’s” until you find your correct combination.
OH, if you still have to sleep on your back, position a pillow under your knees like a pyramid, this helps relax your back. Wishing you sweet dreams.
Since you are looking into medical information and doing yoga, I suggest you look into the work of Moshe Feldenkrais for your shoulder. There’s two websites I recommend:
1) anatbanielmethod.com
and
2) feldenkrais.com
I assure you sleeping on your side is fine and that the tensions you feel by following the news has simply settled in your body and needs to be released. I hope you check out this information. I’m aware of at least one PT/Feldenkrais Practioner who works with people using Zoom calls. If you find you need her name, feel free to email me. Good luck!
Thank you always for your insights. I too sleep on my side and can sometimes have a sore shoulder. I compromise by sleeping on my other side for a while – In other words, I just accept it. Somewhat like the final stages of grief, I also learned to just accept the trials of living through this pandemic. I remind myself that this too shall pass, smile and enjoy the day.
Why don”t you try sleeping with a heating pad on your shoulder for a few nights? That might make the problem go away. That is my ‘go to’ solution.
Ice is better if it is inflamed
Only for the first few days, and this has been more than a few days. After that, it’s heat. My last orthopedist told me RICE isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, anyway.
Thank you…I needed this today!
Prana breathing exercises, 5seconds in ,5 seconds out while in savasana helps me fall asleep on my back. I may not stay on my back, but at least I begin that way.
Try a weighted blanket- provides a security blanket
I constantly remind myself to be positive, adaptable, and empathetic. Some days I do a better job than others.
One decision at a time v. being overwhelmed by many all at once. I am saving navel-gazing for a better time when I can afford “the vapors” and self-indulgence.
Hello Sister…..I was a life-long side sleeper as well. It was a comforting position and I believed it also protected me from bad dreams. In my 30’s/40’s I taught next door to a very toxic individual. I started to have great pain in my shoulder and sought medical help. After a long talk, my doctor said that my stressful work situation was interrupting my sleep and was being manifested in my shoulder pain. He prescribed a potion to make me sleep through the night. I only used a short time and then began to sleep on my back in the “royal position”. I have done so ever since (now 68). For me, the night can exaggerate the same concerns and fears that that are more heightened than ever these days. If find myself feeling at once brave, open, receptive and empowered in that position. Sometimes I add Hatha breathing. I know you will make the transition and consider some variations…similar to the tonic neck reflex positions that newborns exhibit. Think ‘royal’ rather than ‘corpse’. Best wishes
There is comfort in knowing others are experiencing this time as I am. Our lives are much different, but somehow very much the same.
Dear Lyn,
First, I love your posts and got my 22yr old grand-daughter to follow you. You express what a lot of us are feeling elegantly and succinctly.
I can relate to your pain. I have unexplainable neck pain that makes movement excruciating. It the sign of the times, so much uncertainty so much hate. Some days I just have to walk away from the news from all sources, it induces too much stress. Yet, we still have to function and exist in this time-frame. I’m 76 years old and run a business where I have to interact with people. Do I meet in person or Zoom? I love my children and 5 grand-children but have to limit interactions since my husband is high risk. I hate missing out on their activities and daily life.
I live in Colorado and the forest fires are wreaking havoc with people’s lives and wildlife. Our skies are filled with smoke, ashes cover our cars and on some days the air quality is worse than Beijing. The firefighters are exhausted and lots of people displaced from their homes. The only thing I can do is donate to the Red Cross and the local fire station.
Yet I feel blessed. I grew up in Hungary behind the Iron Curtain. What we are experiencing will pass. Living under Communism was a constant threat to my family. Yes, I feel vulnerable and helpless now but I’m an optimistand have faith in the future and the younger generation.
Hi Lyn
I am confident that you will train your body to sleep on your back. I, too, have managed shoulder pain, including surgery to eliminate the shooting pain down my arm. I had no specific injury, either, it just started hurting. I, too, was a side sleeper. If I sleep on my back, and turn my head to the side, and shift my body slightly, I can fool myself into believing I am on my side. Then, I try it going the other way. Try that. It may help. It is important to let the shoulder get oxygen and blood flow. It must breathe. Corpse pose is wonderful, too. Yoga positions and breathing will help. If you can do that, you will manage. I can’t stop watching the news either, because, as you say, not knowing is worse than knowing. I do watch networks aligned with my views. It keeps me sane right now, to know that kindred spirits exist. I pray for the change in our country, healing, unity, empathy, and love. Thank you, Lyn, for your superb writing and open and honest post. Blessings and healing to you. Nurse your shoulder back to health, and be careful not to overdo during your move.
Never did yoga until my country (the Netherlands) went into lockdown this year. Now I do yoga vinyasa every day (from YouTube); and yin yoga every night in bed before sleep. My sleep improved by this yin yoga,I usually end up lying on my back with arms spread . I used to sleep in foetus pose like you.
Thank you for going on blogging. It helps in this difficult period: we miss our job, we miss our grandchildren but there is a feeling of community through internet. You make me feel less alone! Thanks!
That makes me happy to hear.
I know this seems obvious, but have you tried sleeping on your other side for a bit? I, too, am a life-long side sleeper, in later life partly to control the impacts of a sinus condition. I occasionally have shoulder pain and find that sleeping on the other side for a bit helps. My shoulder, but not my sinuses!
How am I managing pros and cons these days? My personal decisions are influenced by my profession; I serve as the Vulnerable Populations Planning Coordinator on the City of Seattle’s Emergency Management Team. For this response, I am the Point of Contact for Access and Functional Needs and have spent the past many months making sure all our testing sites are fully accessible (among many other things). I know more about testing and nasal swabs than I ever thought possible.
I can bury my head in the sand about the politics (and I do) but I have to stay connected to the medical world to do my job. And we have also been dealing with rioting and civil distrust; a pier on the waterfront collapsed (with another red-tagged); the West Seattle Bridge had to be closed for repairs/replacement (cutting off a good chunk of the city from the rest); and the whole City (pretty much) had to shelter-in-place from wildfire smoke/dangerous air quality for almost 2 weeks over the summer. We are now planning for winter weather.
So, while personally I don’t go out for coffee or dinner and buy everything online now, sometimes I have to visit a testing site or do an assessment on a shelter that has hastily opened. I have access to PPE and am supported in my work, so I have no complaints. I am not on the front lines every day – like our EMT’s staffing those testing sites every day. I am lucky.
And this is NOT the way my career was supposed to go. After decades in the nonprofit world, I made a complete career change into emergency management just after I turned 50 and while I was unemployed and dirt poor. I worked my butt off, all the while relying on crutches because my knees were giving out and I had no health care access. Actually, delivering messages about including people with disabilities in emergency planning was pretty effective from crutches, but that’s another story.
I ended up working FT for the City, earning my Masters in Homeland Security from the Naval Postgraduate School, and getting both my knees replaced – all at the same time, in 2 years, and just before I turned 60. I am about to turn 62 now and figure if I can do all that, I can do anything. Even COVID-19.
However, if we get a big snowstorm this winter, all bets are off! LOL
One of the huge delights of this job is working with a team of wonderfully dedicated people. Normally, we do our work all together in one big room; important to have the ability to walk over to someone to talk and solve a problem. I am a team person. But with COVID, we have all been working remotely and that has been both challenging to coordinate work and incredibly isolating. I do not like working all alone, especially when the very nature of what we do demands teamwork. To varying degrees, I think we are all struggling, although the younger among us have families and seem to be doing better.
I have truly appreciated finding your blog and following your journey. I am attempting to continue envisioning the life I want to create, even if it is a while yet before I can get there. I don’t see myself ever retiring, likely turning to teaching part time in a few years.
For now, I remind myself that I will be another year older at the end of 2021 either way. So I might as well take advantage of this isolation time and do some things, like purging stuff, making art, and re-discovering my love of cooking. And continue to trust the Universe.
They have some pretty amazing mattresses now that conform to your body. Maybe a new mattress would help%!
I feel your pain, no pun intended. After bilateral mastectomy/reconstructive surgery I couldn’t return to my side sleeping. Tummy sleeping was also out so I, too, ended up trying to sleep on my back. It didn’t work to sleep in my bed but I could sleep on my couch, kinda propped up against the back of the couch. I formed the third side of a triangle: Couch seat, couch back and me. I put a pillow behind my back as support. Added my pillow from my bed. My brain and body were ‘tricked’ into thinking I was on my side so I slept just fine! It was weird but effective. I’ve never found the perfect ‘body pillow’ for my bed to mimic my couch but I am fortunate that I’ve learned to sleep on both sides so when one gets sore the other is acceptable. When neither works, my couch is still my friend.
If you try this and find a wonderful body pillow to use as a prop-up, please post!!
How interesting that I have learned to sleep on my back for about the last five months due to a sore shoulder. I am not mentally prepared for any type of shoulder surgery just now so I just adjust to the stiffness and actually sleeping on my back is not so bad. Pleasant dreams to you!
Dear Lyn, I woke up this morning and looked down at my old iPhone6. I saw that I went to sleep last night with Tamara Levitt in Calm.com’s “meditation on indecision” going til the end. I don’t remember hearing a word of it. It was hard to stretch out this morning and make limber what I bent inwards while sleeping on my left side, arms curled, hands wrapped under my chin, and head bowed down low low low. My doctor says my neck is curved down a bit from the decades of curling up and to make a concerted effort to sleep on my back, just as you may have been told to do. Hearing the creeks in my back upon standing, I schlepped myself downstairs to my coffee pot and put on a cup of dark, and sat down in my gaming chair, that I should not have bought for replacement office chair (because it is not 8 hrs of comfort!). I looked down at my phone and re-started Tamara’s “meditation on indecision.” It was everything I loved to hear from her; but it’s a subject that stings me. I become frozen stiff when it comes to life-changing decisions giving way to no decision, which is a decision, and then suffering the consequences. She spoke of the “tiny” decisions in our lives and how minute to minute we make these small decisions; she went into a smooth talk about the bigger life-event decisions. She said the pain we feel when faced with a big decision is more agonizing than after making a decision. That choosing a decision is in itself relieving us of emotional and mental anguish. Choose. Then take the next best step and go forward. We’ll see whether we made the right decision down the road in the future, but for now making a decision about what we ought to do based on what we know today is good enough. “Good enough”, I whispered to myself bobbing my head up and down in slo-mo. I so wished when I was a young woman that I could have had a little fairy…a life coach of sorts…traveling with me forever in my pocket or sitting on my shoulder. I didn’t grow up with consistency nor solid support for my goals and indecision crept in like a slowly leaking felt tip marker laying open on a silk unworn dress. Indecision for me grew tentacles of a fractured self image both cool and strong and dying inside, just dying knowing I was living somebody else’s life while my lost forks in the road were far behind me. Head bobbing slightly , slightly… even now …should I go out this weekend and with whom shall I visit if at all? And where is it safely distanced? And my birthday is Friday. Shall I observe my real age? Denial seems more fitting. Shall I look at 65 years and feel confident taking up newly elected hobbies like horseback riding? Or am I a fool? I did make a decision to get on a horse 1x/week. But a familiar voice says… ‘You are doing what?! At your age?!!’ It feels like my sisters voice. Long gone now. She made a life changing decision with her boyfriend to off herself. He can’t hide behind the lie that he didn’t give her the gun. That’s a decision she can not live to regret.. oh no. That is a decision of all decisions. And so with that I say I have felt The End so much so that a piece of me died along with her. And so decisions seem not as hard as they once were; true, I do feel that familiar frost when I think of leaving my job for another job at a college but I don’t have to leave. I’ve decided to stay til I can retire. That’s only 3 1/2 short years away until I can walk away feeling I did my 20. I’m sure I’ll be able to find work in any university afterward, if I decide to do that. 🙂 In the meantime, I’m questioning myself on my decisions that I’ve made in recent months… keeping my home, narrowing the friends I see, adopting another puppy, being open to my 12 yr old daughter cooking when she wants (yes i said my daughter- 12); most of all I have decided to embrace my 65th year owning all my decisions and all that I want to decide to do. <3
I had severe shoulder pain too & am a side sleeper. I bought a foam wedge off of Amazon that goes under the pillow and wedges downwards towards my hips. It totally helped my shoulder pain and still lets me sleep on my side. It takes the pressure off the shoulders. Just want to mention this to you in case you are still looking for a solution to your pain..
Love the positive, forward-thinking attitude in this post! Thank you for observing that as we age the side-lying position may not serve us best.
I enjoyed reading your questions as to what to do where to go etc . I have these although fleeting . I live in a Rural area where for the most part we do not have a large amount of virus . But on the other hand we are 20 miles to a hospital and at this point no EMS or ambulance service so that weighs on my mind . I keep living life !
I’ve suffered similarly. The culprit was a yoga pose. I thought the pain was something I had to accept. I finally went to the doctor. One cortisone shot un my shoulder later I was healed. It hasn’t bothered me in years and I am back to yoga.
Note: Doctor said sometimes they miss and you need a second shot.
My heart goes to you because initially after conception we were in a fetal position for nine months. We find solace in a fetal position as an adult. Even animals sleep curled up in their version of a protected position. If they feel safe, the position is belly up with outstretched limbs. Some things are primal. We have dialed down our fight or flight after Centuries of conditioning and advancement.
The pro at the moment in my career (retired) in medicine specifically infectious disease, drug trials, and pharma allow me to listen to the experts in the field and act accordingly. The con is I realize how grim the situation is for mankind and how overwhelming this is to the average individual & the experts.
I am somewhere between whack-a-mole and the game Frogger. As a cancer patient with a depressed immune system and a transplant leaving the house becomes an adventure. In order to cope all the unhealthy “comfort” food hit the dumpster, meditation & exercise is a necessity. PTSD from treatment is dealt with medication. Focus is on physical & emotional wellness. All of my out of state medical providers are virtual.
We are fighting for our lives. Sacrifices are necessary to have a future. I believe the difficulty for most is temporarily giving up our normal behaviors and there is an unknown timeframe to the virus. We do have the gift of being creative on how to reach out to family & friends. We can get through this if we unite for a common goal. I would encourage everyone to reach out to others with a daily act of kindness. That includes forgiveness too!
I am not looking forward to winter and seasonal day light deprivation. The comfort will be my dogs and lifting up others. My grandparents survived 1918. Looking at their photos is encouragement.
Thank you for sharing what can happen in these stressful times. Indeed, how can anyone be immune to such life-altering events? Take care. Maybe prop up on a couple of pillows for a while. Then have another pillow at your side to rest your arm on. Make a nest.
Dear Lady Icon:
I’ve taken your advice from several of your posts and commented on how you inspired me. Now, having read this account of how you’re feeling, I hope you will take some advice I have to offer. Why? Because I know you’re a strong personality. However, what you’ve said here gives me reason to believe that I might be able to help. Please read all of what I say below and let me know if it helps.
Please come out of your doubts and worries. The only important thing for anyone to do right now is to take action. Deep down you know what the problem is, even beyond the pandemic. The problem is the knowledge that authoritarianism is trying to take over our world, our planet, our lives, and our health. This is leaving us with the inability to function at times because what is bothering you and the rest of us is anger.
Important for you is to join the women’s movement before all your rights are taken away by the fascist Republican party. Look at their faces, from top priority position to the smallest. Notice their evil intents. This all started well before Trump was allegedly elected. It started with the death of FDR; it started with corporations taking control and today writing our laws in unison with the Religious Freedom movement.
Icon, you must admit these truths to be able to fight them. I’m not a radical by any means. I’m a person who has watched our nation take a nosedive that was started with the very people we helped build this country and by the politicians who grow fat and wealthy off their tax dollar salaries.
Get angry and work against the crimes against our nation and the world and, I promise you, you’ll sleep well in any position you choose and wake up refreshed and able to keep fighting.
At age 74, I didn’t start fighting until I saw what the Republican Party was up to. Then I realized that there weren’t too many Democratic Party members who were fighting for us but, instead, allowing the Republicans to walk all over us, stomping their feet, yelling out their vicious lies, stealing our tax dollars, and doing nothing to help our nation survive as a Democracy.
Dear Lady, I’m saying all the words you’re holding in because you don’t want to admit the truth out loud. Trust me. I’ve been there and finally snapped. I’ve subscribed online to the Washington Post for $10.00 a month. This allows me to comment on any news article I wish to comment on; I’m free to speak to the world about how I feel. I am also free to write op-eds but haven’t gone that far yet.
The only thing left for us to do is to fight against the divisiveness that politicians have created. There will still be some horrible things going on until we are all brave enough to defend our country and the world against the rise of Fascism. And in doing just that (the keyboard is mightier than the sword), I have been able to sleep peacefully every night of the week.
The upset caused by this administration is visceral for me. I am exactly your age and never expected this for my country :(. Politics was never so much in the forefront of our lives even during the 60s or perhaps intelligence empathy and reason were so a part of the American culture regardless of side. This is now gone and I feel sick from it. Trying to not watch the news yet seeking information. This is one of the most trying times in my life.
I hope you and all of us will feel better soon.
It could be Inflammation,,I sleep the same position and used to sleep on my back but for some reason I now prefer side position and suffer this now and again and I can tell you if you let it carry on you’ll be in extreme pain and need your physio..All I do is rub the whole area,,with my hand,every time i think about it,,that inflammation will break up and move off..Mine probably comes because i’m a tailor and my specialty us Coat’s,,I can sew anything,,but trained firstly in tailored Burberry Coat’s and love making them..The weight of a full coat is all taken by my shoulder’s ,,they are very heavy throwing them around the machine,,especially finishing them off lining them and topstitching them..I’ve ripped both shoulder muscles over the year’s and now pay from it..I’ve also changed my diet to anything and everything good for me,,healthline has alot of information in it expecially to fight this,,every injury you have ever had over your life comes back this way,,some call it arthiritis too which it could be ,,mine is definately inflammation,,i still sleep on my side but don’t let my shoulder’s get cold ,,Cold is an enemy to anything and everything damaged over the year’s in your body,, if they are sore,,I rub and rub lightly to move thing’s around Here in NZ we have I call it magic cream Voltaren Emulgel..I rub this on too,,it works within minutes..Hope this helps you too
I understand exactly what you express so well about side sleeping. A few years ago I made the switch from primary side to back sleeper. It was difficult. This is what helped me.
I increased my sensory pleasures to take my mind off of the strange feeling. For example: My husband cuddled a bit closer and tickled my arm or caressed my hair until I slept. He put my favorite gardenias on my night table.
When I would wake up their gorgeous scent relaxed me. I slept with a lovely eye pillow and the weight of it was comforting. I started using a special very soft down pillow that I cradled over my head and forehead.
Now I LOVE sleeping on my back, but still in the wee hours of the morning I give myself the treat of side sleeping. Best wishes to you. I do hope your shoulder gets better.
I am experiencing decision fatigue and so I am trying to limit the number of decisions I have to make by using minimalism: have less, do less, care less. I focus my energy on what I can impact and let go of what I cannot.
Physical therapy has provided great relief for me with this same problem as you describe. It’s most popular time to aggravate is bedtime. I’ve received PT for three weeks now following steroid shots in each
shoulder. Now, I can rest. Your messages are a blessing each time I read them. My background too is in education. Please continue to share your life’s experiences with those of us yearning for beautiful words like you write.
I have always slept on my sides until my shoulders started to hurt horribly (rheumatoid) and with 2 shoulder replacements later my back sleeping is my only option still.
I have never looked at sleeping positions in the way you described. I am interested and intrigued!
I’ve had a painful life (but who hasn’t) and also I never would’ve thought that I could ever sleep on my back. But I do now and I’ve got something to chew on.
Thank you!
My God…this is how I feel/how I sleep/what I’m thinking. I wonder how many more of us there are…and will we ever really relax again? I always heard about some plague/virus that would affect the entire world…but I never thought it would happen in my lifetime either. But here we are.
Tonight is the first time that I cried out loud…I have been wimpering quietly alone for months. What has happened and how did it happen so quickly? I am frightened…sad…and uneasy during this delicate time. Thank you…I am happy, hopeful and grateful because you share your heart!
I put lots of pillows under my side, so my shoulder isn’t hyperextended, as it cuts off circulation in my arm too much when I sleep on my side, perhaps this might work for you, too. I cannot sleep on my back, I get apnea, sleeping only for a few minutes at a time, until my body wakes me so it can breathe again, leading to terrible sleep quality. I hope you find a good solution, whether it is changing your pillows, or learning to sleep on your back safely and comfortably.
Ah, dear lady, you’re in the process of developing trust. You will. Blessings.
Good luck! I’m a side sleeper & sleeping on my back causes my neck to become stiff if I accidentally turn on my back.
I have been following you for a while and I know you get thousands- who knows – millions of messages but thank you for this.
I, too, curl to the side and live with worlds of pain due to scoliosis and I,too, feel exposed on my back- always. I,too, grieve for America. I live in Korea and direct theatre in an international school here so I am watching from afar but the pain of watching what is happening goes deep. I trust you will find a way through your pain. We are living in an atmosphere of fear and nothing causes pain like fear. Thank you, too, for your style and beauty and belief that this is possible at any age at any time in life.
peace and relief to you.
I feel much of the same..what to do with my retirement stock portfolio, do I go out, do I meet w friends and I always fall asleep on my side curled in a fetal position but awaken mostly on my back. I have aches & pains which must have me turning on my back in my sleep. Perhaps after Nov 3rd we will be falling asleep on our backs!
It is a scary time! I live in Delaware – a quarantine state. Do I expose my Pennsylvania family? Do my new jersey family dare expose me? Nothing to me is more important then family and yet fo we dare expose each other. What will happen to our country in the next four years? Whatever decision we make it will affect history!
Hello. Same thing happened to me – woke up in severe pain! After 6 months of torture, discovered it was a torn labrum & rotator cuff due to me sleeping on that side. Long story short, one year later after surgery & physical therapy i finally regained full range & use of my arm. Praise God!
If you dont see improvement soon have your ortho check it out. (request Scans! Not xrays!)
Be blessed
The pros and cons are as fickle as my cats thoughts about me!! My grandmother taught me everything i need to know about anything in this crazy thing called life- it was a simple statement, and its one i use at least once a day for the last 50 years… ” never let anything surprise you ” i hope those words comfort you as they do me! They almost do not seem fitting, but, they do fit perfectly! Sending you all my best from way up here in Port Angeles Washington!
I recommend fluffy pillows for under your knees & for each side to rest your hands on. So cozy even on your back! I know, I used to only sleep on my back! Various injuries nixed both front or side sleeping. Wishing you the best
I just found out the same thing about my shoulder and neck. That my long lived curled up side sleeping with my arm tucked high under the pillow was compressing things. I attempt to back sleep and I wake up often wishing I could curl back up and protect as you say. I love your understanding of what your body is offering you to explore..I will invite that as well. As always- thank you for your beautiful blogs!
How I sympathize with your shoulder dilemma. After 70 years of curling up on my side every night, and years spent bent over a desk, I too suffer from shoulder pain. Some exercises and restorative yoga poses have helped with the pain. The wakefulness at night is a different story. I too am missing my children and grandchildren and wonder when we will be together again. And watching the news makes me angry and sick. When will it all end?
Good luck adapting to sleeping on your back. I’ve tried it but my snoring wakes me up, lol. I’m sure you will have better luck.
Sorry to hear about the pain you are suffering possibly from your sleep position. May I suggest you invest in a few body pillows (either the long straight one or the big U-shaped one)? You can hug these pillows but also eliminate any pressure on areas that are causing your muscles to ache from your sleep position. Yeah, part of the pleasure of aging, means your body complains more so pamper it with a means of support. I use 3 body pillows for my bed, two to hug when I go into the sidewards on my stomach position and one just for side sleeping. I eventually learned (using these pillows) how to sleep comfortably on my back. Hope this helps.
The problem is likely your mattress and some piece of over doing a particular exercise. Try a Tempur-Pedic mattress and be sure to read Breath: the new science of a lost art by Nestor. Sleeping on your back can lead to mouth breathing, which is not optimal.
I too am a side sleeper, however, sometimes my neck and shoulder pain will not allow this. I often re-adjust my sleep habit by putting a pillow under my legs and at my side, kind of a nest. This allows me to feel safe and sleep. I do not think we will ever look at others the same again and hope we will all be well soon. To forget this pandemic, this year, would be impossible. Lately I have been reading a lot to escape the world. I just finished Circe, and started Iris Murdock’s The sea, the sea. Stay well, find happiness where you may.
Fantastic article with beautiful insights! I find myself sleeping in the fetal position right now for many of the same reasons. The sense of uncertainty can be overwhelming on some days yet other days provides hope of a permanent change for the good especially when it comes to building stronger relationships and reaching out to others in need. On top of it all I lost my two 15-year old Shih Tzu’s this summer so some days the sense of loss is mind-boggling. With regards to managing the pros and cons of decisions at this time- I find myself focusing on the moment, paying attention to my creativity and what makes me tick as a human as I know that I am following my heart in the process. I figure if I can pay attention to my inner voice, that the answers to the decisions I am faced with will be shown to me and I can carry forward with the best of intentions in mind. I wish you much peace and healing and hope you feel better soon!
Heaven forbid, but are you sure you’re not having heart related pain? Have you talked to your doctor about this?
I find it amazing that you can control how you sleep at all. I constantly move into different positions all night when I sleep so I admire you for this ability. Most of my decisions in life are safety based now with a constant fear of contracting the virus and passing it onto others with a yearning to come out the other side intact with the hope that I can eventually walk into a grocery store without fear.
Lyn, if you haven’t, perhaps you should see a doctor about your shoulder pain. I’m suffering pain in right shoulder which has been diagnosed as a severely torn rotator cuff and surgery will be needed. How this happened who knows. . . . . I don’t play sports, haven’t been in an accident or taken a fall. I am however in my 70’s and perhaps the old shoulder has just worn out like everything else! I’ve never heard that sleeping on a particular side could cause constant shoulder pain. I’m hoping your pain goes away soon.
Life is difficult enough right now without other problems rearing their ugly heads. I am fearful often now, for my family, friends, and this country.
Stay well – be safe.
Dear One, you ask to send you good luck and so I do.
Relate to sleeping on your back. Try the front! or 3/4 side-front so no pressure on shoulder.
You speak for so many of us.
Love the assets question, find myself going from hole-in-my-pocket spending to extreme frugality.
Sharing when called to personally, not institutions (except for Lakota Nation).
Thank you for expressing it all so well, so briefly and perfectly in words. A great gift.
“Nothing matters; everything matters.” We live in a garden of paradox.
so many questions and food for a lot of thought thank you AI
To be honest, sometimes I am coping, sometimes I am fully-fledged, hair flying angry! Other times anxiety hits and I want to crawl into a dark warm space and sleep. Ah yes, sleep. Since I became a mother and even though my “baby” is now 23, sleep became elusive. I longed for my teenage years when 8-10 hours was normal. Now with the extra stresses of this new norm, I am lucky to get 5 hours. probably the most worrying is that I can be fully functioning on three hours!
Of course, once I turned 60 I allowed my self to nap if I am tired………oh what I had been missing all these years? Such bliss!
Along with this came my new life mantra…..I’ll eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired. No longer do I allow the clock to dictate when I should eat and sleep and with that, I found a new freedom. If I’m not tired, why go to bed and toss and turn, increasing my stress level. So if I go to bed at 5.am, so what?
Of course one still has to fit in appointments, but now I now longer feel guilty saying ” Sorry I can only do afternoons”
Greetings from down under! Thank you for all your lovely sharing. New York is my most favourite city in the world. When I was a little girl and I could read comics, I always wanted to travel to New York. It took me fifty five years to get there and have been back a few times to relish the arts and buzz of that vibrant city. I can’t imagine how the hard it must be to live and witness these past five years of change in a place that you have called home for so long. And then there is the physical changes of the human being that we are invited to accept towards the inevitable. (I am of the same age group.. the silver haired wise women in their seventies.)
I don’t know why, but I feel to share this poem by are rather unknown author Karl Konig.. Strength and courage it offers.. Thank goodness for sunrises and sunsets and people with beautiful hearts!
There is a knighthood of the 21st century
Whose riders do not ride through the darkness of physical forests, as
Of old, but through the forest of darkened minds.
They are armed with a spiritual armor,
And an inner sun makes them radiant.
Out of them shines healing,
Healing that flows from the knowledge of the human being as a
Spiritual being.
They must create inner order, inner justice,
Peace, and conviction in the darkness of our time.
They must learn to work side by side with angels.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for the inspiring text. I live in Europe, but my feelings are very simular to yours. I try to remain the same in these times, which I never expected to come, though I worry about peace.
Aloha from Hawaii. I enjoy your site so much!! I had a left sided stroke while taking an afternoon nap in April 2020. Upon awaking, I was rushed to the ER, given a clot busting drug and placed in ICU for 4 days. Upon release and because of COVID19, there was no physical therapy offered because our state was in lockdown, so I went on the internet and found rehab. services I could start immediately by using zoom. As of the first of October, I finally have started therapy and can see improvement although I have a ways to go. My Greatest Fear Is Sleep, thinking another stroke will happen. This fear was taking over my every thought. Just closing my eyes gave me anxiety attacks. Learning to live with this new “life”, has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! Mahalo for letting me share?
Dear Lyl,
I’m impressed of your observations on your body and the effect of live circumstancies.I’m a professor of neuroanatomy ( ege uni,medicine in izmir,turkey) ,60 years old ,grandma since 1 year…and also trying to find a creative channel in my life,because my profession became less satisfactant.
I enjoy your posts,very inspiring for me,.wish you a quick discovery from shoulder pain .
Best wishes,canan
I had to stop sleeping on my side for that same reason too. It never used to bother me but lately I wake up in agony and can’t extend my arm for a few minutes. I can only sleep on my back now which makes me snore (and annoys my husband). Maybe a weighted blanket would help to make you feel more comfortable sleeping on your back? I’ve heard good things about them, I may get one for winter.
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
Enjoyed this would like to read more
Right now my life is regulated by a daily regime breathing exercises, yoga, long morning and late afternoon walks with my dogs, preparing fresh meals, and painting.
Between these daily routines, I keep in close contact with my daughters via messages, sending photos and videos, Lately I am making a strong effort to keep negative influence to a minimum, which takes more and more effort.
I also had to train myself to plan not more than a week ahead, which is diffiCult for me since I used to travel often which I am not doing now.
I have discovered that starting sleep in crocodile pose (on the stomach) is very soothing. I never awake in the pose so must turn in my sleep. I do not really like the “exposure” of sleeping on my back.
Hello A.I.! I’m Saara from Finland and I’m on your mail list so occasionally, when I have time, I read your blogs. You have a shoulder pain and I had the same until I started to take food supplement which includes Boswellia, MSM and Glucosamine. Especially MSM and Glucosamine is good for your joints. Our shoulders get more fragile in the years. Especially for women post menopause we lost estrogen, which take care of our bones, joints and muscles. I got help from that glucosamine, MSM and Boswellia. You can find that also in vegan version, cause normally glucosamine is made from shrimps. I have all seafood allergies, so vegan version works well for me. My sister got help from plain MSM, but it was too strong for my stomach. I really recommend for you to visit a local supplement store or pharmacy and ask, if they have such product. Sorry, my lack of proper English. Hope you’ll get help for that awful shoulder pain. I know, it really hurts a lot. And I prefer to sleep on my right side as well. Be safe! Greetings from Finland. S
You know, I feel exactly the same, my shoulder started hurting and I adopted another position, on my back but I last only few minutes, after few minutes I woke up and find myself in a fetal position, cozy for me. My mind triggers and start thinking about everything that worries me, consciously or not, and star dreaming about it…I haven’t had a good night of sleep/rest in a long time!
I am trying to be mindful of living in the present and taking each day as it comes. I am a natural born worrier who has always been overly focused on guessing what the future will bring. Fretting over what might come just causes stress and anxiety and brings with it a lot of bad choices to alleviate the tension, fear and pain. I still have plenty of work to do on myself happily it requires simple decisions about fun things like changing up my exercise routine, journalling, what book to read, and trying new recipes. Having gratitude and being thankful for what I have is important to me these days too.
I sleep on my back, but my arms cross my chest and hold opposite sides of pajama under my arms (left arm on top of right arm). In other words, I hug myself and hold tight. Sounds funny, but I guess it is like a “thunder jacket” for a puppy! 🙂 Makes me feel secure and is better for my posture…I think. And yes, I am about your age and have (during these COVID days) had shoulder/neck aches…which I never had previously.
And I don’t watch the news anymore…
Hi there, I also felt like you did in regard to sleeping position but then I broke my shoulder badly and HAD to sleep on my back What worked for me was buying one of those V shaped pillows . It made me feel cocooned and comfy Might be worth a try. Slept great ( with pain killers) We moved to small island 3miles by 1 and half last year and so glad we did. No covid here at present and strict travel restrictions. Scary world at present. Stay safe
An excellent article about being open and honest, which leads to healing. I sleep on my back, and on my side(s) depends, in a slight curve of the legs.
You have touched my soul. No easy task these days as I find myself living more and more like the Hermit Crab that you referenced. Thank you for being so openly human. It helps.
I’ve long been a side sleeper as well, curled tightly in a ball, usually on my left side. But oddly, while no more real pain (aside from the usual occasional hip or shoulder aches on either side!) I have been restless on my side – either of them – lately. Walking and flipping…I felt like a pancake turning itself. I tried then to sleep on my back….deep breathes and just relaxing….and somehow that enabled me to get to sleep easier and more soundly. Who knows, maybe that openness also allowed me to open away from the ongoing anxieties in our country. Yesterday more anxiety hit – so last night I tried back sleeping, and did get to sleep somewhat more handily again. A good night does help you prep better to make your next morning and next day better. That, and my daily exercise routine.
I sleep on my back, had the same concern with my shoulder. How do I cope? Less news, more walks with my dog in nature, music, reading, crossword puzzles, sitting on the back porch in nature and doing nothing but watching the day go by.
Interesting that you should be experiencing this pain right now. For the past two years I have experienced frozen shoulder, first in the left, then the right. I consider myself to be in good health and shape for a woman of 68 years. There is really no explanation for frozen shoulder, (adhesions that form in the joint space and allow for very limited movement). I have done yoga and Barre classes for years, so when this happened, I was flummoxed. The condition requires PT, maybe some cortisone shots and much patience, as it can take six months to a year to return to somewhat normal. I too, have been a side-sleeper for as long as I can remember and still am. After reading of your experience, maybe I should try to sleep on my back……but I too, love the comfort of curling up into a little ball and pulling the blanket up around my neck! I will have to experiment.
I sleep on my back with a forearm draped across my forehead; it runs in the family. On my side, I curl a soft fist next to my chin. Haver never been a stomach sleeper. Apparently the forearm and soft fist provide security. As far as managing decision making, I cut a clean path through clear water, so to speak, rarely deviating, and guided by the Holy Spirit with whom I stick by closely. He’ll let me know if I’m off course, every time.
I have found myself lying flat on my back in all kinds of unusual places in the past months, on the damp grass of the field, the smooth rocks of Galiano Island, the pebbles of the beach…its as though I am desperate to ground myself in the real world.
good luck virtual friend,
Suzanne
I too am a side sleeper. Left side all the way! I fully understand the feeling of security and safety in that position. I have even taken to putting the sheet up over the side of my head that is exposed. Not sure why. I think I’m hiding. Possibly from the days stressors and worries. Life is very unsettling. I’ve returned to my gym, at 5:30am, only a small number of people at that time, and find I am able to distract my thoughts and fully immerse myself in the workout. Afterwards I feel a sense of normalcy that has been missing these last 8 months. I also have found four good yoga stretches/positions that I do prior to bed that help to redirect my mind helping me to sleep. I’ve also begun the practice of posting daily something that I am grateful for. I post for me, more for accountability than anything else. It can be as simple as being grateful for the good book I am reading to the two friends that I walk with on Sunday mornings. And a final note on the shoulder pain. I have what they call a frozen shoulder in my left shoulder. Stretches help tremendously. I enjoy your blog and Instagram posts and am happy to have found them! Stay safe & stay healthy. Good luck with your new home.
hi there
It really is hard at times to find out why all of a sudden we have pain in a certain part of our body especially if we haven’t suffered an injury to that area. Is it tension – is it stress – could it be referred pain from another part of the body – is it a change in the bones/muscles.
Sometimes stretches and massages can help to relieve tension/knots in the body that we were totally unaware of.
I have been sleeping on my left side now for 34 years. Have never experienced any left shoulder pain. Sleeping on left side was recommended by physio therapist due to injuries suffered on the right side of my body due to car accidents. It was also recommended to sleep with a pillow between my knees. When I suffered a right shoulder injury due one of the car accidents the physio also recommend sleeping with a pillow underneath the right shoulder – this helped to alleviate shoulder pain. Tho the shoulder injury healed I still sleep with the pillow. I also change my head pillow every year. Tho I have tried to sleep on my back it aggravates the area of my body where I suffered injuries.
Do hope your pain will soon be alleviated.
I have read many of your posts. I always take something away from them. This one however, I feel in my soul! Thank you!!
I find sleeping in a restorative yoga position of elevating my upper body with firm, but comfortable pillows, making a pillow nest,putting a warm bed buddy bag on my belly, a touch of lavender on my wrist, and rubbing a healing stone while repeating a healing mantra,, all set me up the sleep ritual. When I wake in the am I find that sometime during the night I abandoned it all to turn onto my side. There is a definite sense of vulnerability facing upward, especially during times of uncertainty. Enjoyed your article.
always happy to see new post here, not only about fashion, but also about life. I learned just yesterday that Churchill once said something like” do not stand up if you can sit down, do not sit down if you can lie down” , haha, so perfect for me as a lazy person.
I am also a side sleeper who futzes around quite a bit to find that just-right comfortable position. Sometimes I can’t get my hands situated; as a weight on my cheek or hip doesn’t feel right. So I might flip over to my back and then, ahhhhh…. that’s better! As long as I’m surrounded by a cocoon of pillows of various sorts; including small ones under the knees and elbows for support.
But my real “secret weapon of comfort” is my “sleep hat”. Worn thin after many years, it’s basically a big, soft beanie large enough to cover my eyes; literally “pulling the wool over my eyes” I suppose. Silly perhaps, but it gives me great comfort to shut out the world, block any outside light and keep the head warm! I have a friend who trained herself many years ago for back sleeping as it is healthier for correct bone & muscle alignment etc. I’m still working on it and best wishes to you!
Your blog of thoughtful expressions and those of many of your commentors are so eloquent and life-affirming! I must limit my news consumption as it is just too disturbing to fully digest. But I keep apprised of the headlines and pass on knowing too many details. Choosing to focus instead on positive thoughts for the restoration of the United States and our planet to a place where ALL can be happy and free.
I also enjoy seeing you and Maye Musk on Instagram in your glamorous posts. And Iris Apfel! Wow! You women are amazing! Be safe and well and Keep On Rockin’! 🙂
I’ve been a side-sleeper my entire life, and a very deep sleeper as well, until I got into my mid-50’s and now I don’t sleep nearly as well, or as comfortable. For me, it’s my neck that hurts and I’ve tried physio and different pillows, but nothing has worked well. I can sleep on my back if I’m taking a nap, but not sleeping at night – like you, I feel very vulnerable and exposed when I’m not curled up in my usual fetal position. From other comments here it seems you can train yourself to sleep on your back, but I’m not convinced. I think I need to do my yoga more frequently. Good luck – I hope you find a position that works for you and your shoulder!
I strongly suggest you find a good certified neuromuscular therapist (not a mere massage therapist) If sleeping on your side is giving such discomfort, changing your position is just alleviating the symptoms. No doubt there’s a cause somewhere deeper that needs to be addressed.
Please wish me luck too. Have been finding myself wishing for more simple times.
There seems to be much complication. I am 73 and I remind myself that this aging process, getting older, is new territory for me. I have never been 73 before and have never traveled this path before. I attempt to stay in the present moment. It helps.
After open heart surgery at age 60 I ‘had’ to sleep on my back. It was not easy to do at first, but when you have no choice it’s amazing what you can do. I slept on my back for about three years. Then one day I just curled up, on my side, into my little ball again. In this position I use a small pillow between my legs. The pillow takes the stress off my back.
Now when I find I need to sleep on my back for any reason I do so with 2 fluffy pillows behind my head while sleeping in a semi-upright position. This works well for me. You might want to try it. ?
I feel like I looked in a mirror when reading this blog post. I, too, like to sleep curled up but am adjusting my sleep position because of shoulder pain — as well as committing again to regular back exercises AM and PM. I am also practicing being more open, curious, and present. Asé.
A very effective, natural technique for sleeping on your side pain-free, as well as on your back, has been developed by Esther Gokhale (go-clay) at gokhalemethod.com. After my massage therapist gave me her book, I started learning the techniques, actually when the Pandemic began. The book is a journey through step-by-step instructions, different cultures, art, and dance which helps you regain your natural posture, plus there are videos, classes, and zoom meetings …. especially helpful during Covid19.
The way you described sleeping on your side reminded me of the way I sleep. Because of a back problem, I was relegated to sleeping on my back which wasn’t helping that much. The side-sleeping and back-sleeping techniques I’ve learned from the Gokhale Method have enabled me to alleviate my back pain while sleeping on my side and back in a deep and dreamy sleep.
I am a side sleeper to but have been known to turn to my back occasionally but it is a conscious decision made in a half-asleep, half-awake state. These days I am all about keeping myself safe. I don’t care if I offend or scare anyone. I keep myself safe first, fulfilled next and that leads me to personal happiness.
I see you have a lot of suggestions to remedy your shoulder issues. Mine started when I was drafting and holding my head at a similar angle that we now do when looking at our devices. Muscle tension from my neck caused shoulder tension. Shiatsu worked the best along with acupuncture. But that was then. If it’s bothering me, I use a shoulder massager that my arms go into and I can use on my neck and down my back. I sleep on my side with a pillow between my knees. Due to these crazy times, I also have a mouth guard. It’s all connected.
Mine dissipated after not sleeping on it and putting hot/cold compresses and exercise.
Where are you, my Dear??
NY
Hi there,
I have recently been having terrific pain in my shoulder, which gets so bad at night that it wakes me up. After my chiropractor and general Doc telling me to stretch and it will go away…. it has not. Now I feel there is atrophy in the muscles. Then today, I happened upon an article in the NY Times (of all things… I live in Dallas, TX.) Have you ever heard of Parsonage-Turner Syndrome? It sounds like what we both are suffering with. Good news – it won’t kill us, and there cures. In my case it could have started after my second injection of Shingles vaccine, coupled with intense nightly arm workouts (that’s my way of coping with fear… weights to the point of exhaustion!). When I started to get the pain, I was sure it had to do with my workouts. But why now? Please check out the info and talk to your doctors. Seems like there is a way out but waiting is not the answer. Good luck to you, sweetie!
https://facty.com/ailments/inflammation/what-is-parsonage-turner-syndrome/4/
Thanks so much. I was able to address mine via exercise and no re-occurance.
I am a nurse and this shoulder pain bothers me. I sleep exclusively on my sides and I have terrible arthritis. I have had some discomfort, however not to the extent or length you describe. Women will manifest different signs of “ chest pain.” I would ask myself do I have a history of heart problems? Do I have a family history of heart disease? Even if this is gone now could just mean you got over the pain. Does not mean you did not have a heart attack. A trip to the doctor might warrant a trip to the doctor. Even if you no longer have pain.