I find it so interesting that while we endorse the idea that our denim jeans have a unique ability to gain character and value as they get older, fade and get used, we resist applying the same logic to the aging process of human beings. Why do we allow so many inanimate objects, like denim jeans, furniture or jewelry, the freedom to age over time, increase their worth and become valued for their narrative stamina rather than fall out of favor as older people seem to do?
Like my collection of denim jeans, I was always fine with being older because for all but the first three years of my life it was a familiar state: I’m the oldest of 6. At age 35, this changed when my 56-year-old father suffered a stroke. No longer able to speak or move with any ease, the garrulous, charming, athletic parts of him disappeared and someone unrecognizable yet familiar remained. Unhappy with some circumstances in my own life, the fragility of my father’s propelled me to change mine. I went back to school for a Ph.D., got divorced, changed how I ate, gave up alcohol, got regular exercise and moved to New York City. Yet as each birthday passed, an unconscious dread buzzed in my ear like an errant fly. Turning 57 I felt a great sense of relief; the fly went away.
My sixtieth birthday came with mixed feelings: I had survived the fate of my father and changed my life so that I was physically and emotionally healthy and had much to be happy about. Yet when I looked in the mirror, I saw someone strange to me. Boobs drooped, wrinkles from past stressful times circled my thinning lips and crept out from the corners of my eyes. I could no longer find images of that person in the mirror in the fashion magazines I loved. Not able to summon up the energy that once made me feel seductive, I missed the heady power of that. Who I experienced myself to be inside and who I saw when I looked in the mirror no longer aligned. Disoriented, I too became someone unrecognizable yet familiar. My father lived many years after his stroke and over time he and I adjusted. I found and spoke to those familiar and vibrant parts of him that remained while mourning the parts that were taken away. From this came a lesson that helped me see my way through my confrontation with age: I had to love the familiar and vigorous me that lived inside and make my peace with those faded and wrinkled parts that will never be the same just as my father did. And during the year that followed my entrance into the sixth decade of my life, just like my denim jeans, I loved the new/old me and started Accidental Icon.
As I prepare for my 68th birthday, I reminisce about the early days of starting the blog. Because I had so fully accepted my age by the time I started it, I never imagined it to be a project about age. I saw it simply as a place to express my current identity creatively through what I wore and the study of fashion. Maybe unconsciously it was my way of refusing to become invisible because I did something that, if successful, would make me more visible in a huge way. Ironically, I have become more visible than I’d ever been at any other time of my life when we’re supposed to retire and gracefully exit the stage. And so I now accept the idea that it is indeed a project about age. It’s about how to be old.
Now that I fully experience myself as the lively person inside when people treat me as “an old person” by being overly solicitous or rising swiftly to give me a seat on the subway, there’s a flash of annoyance. That’s because it tells me what stereotypes they have in their heads about aging. One that means I’m in a frail and weakened state, even though I appear to be healthier and more fit than some of those jumping up. When working as Accidental Icon, I can determine the narratives people have by how they treat and respond to me: taking my elbow when there is an electrical cord on a set I must cross over that’s about an inch high, treating me exactly the same as everyone else and best of all giving me a physical or creative challenge because they believe I can do it. Some of the most fun and creative stretching I’ve done is working with a creative team at Kate Spade on a series of videos. When I walked on set to do the last one, I came upon the largest trampoline I’d ever seen. I was to jump up and down as high as I could, look to the ceiling as a large camera loomed overhead while the magic of green screen would make it appear I was jumping on a handbag that suddenly explodes propelling me into a sea of smaller versions of the bag. I felt powerful, grateful to those who allowed the me that lives inside, this moment of heady exhilaration.
Today in my new home and life I wear old denim jeans almost every day. I appreciate them as I never have before. Let’s just say we completely understand each other. They seem to be the perfect fit. Will Accidental Icon survive the transition from city to country life? Will she continue as she did before in the transition from a pre to post COVID world? I don’t have the answers yet, but I know with a great deal of certainty that no matter what, me and my denim jeans will be just fine. Even as we are fading and becoming even more worn, we continue to create new narratives and add more value to ourselves with each passing day.
What’s your rose today?
There is always something touching and resonating whenever I read your post, I believe Accidental Icon will suivive all the transitions and changes. As a Chinese living in China right now, I ‘ve been following your post for more than two years, and I think the most valuable and precious thing about Accidental Icon is the enlightment you shed through sharing your own perspective on age, fashion, clothes, all of these are actually about attitude towards life and challenge. maybe it is a blog about age, because sometimes age brings wisdom. Love u~~~~~keep writing and sharing~~looking forward~~~
Thanks for the perspective here and for being a supporter.
This is lovely, and useful. It sounds like my rose is similar to yours – perspective. When I struggle with health concerns, I remind myself that the body is designed to seek balance. When I mourn my regrets, I note the many strokes of good fortune, even on the smallest scale, that pattern my life. And now, when I worry about fading, I will think of blue jeans. We all come and go on this big blue marble. That is how life is designed, but how we see the world, and ourselves, how we live, makes all the difference.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
As I will be celebrating my 60th birthday this year, this post resonated strongly with me. I like the denim jeans analogy, although I feel like I have become more faded and worn in the past year than I did in the last decade!
Wow ! How perfectly you have captured the ying and yang of passing birthdays. I am constantly surprised when the reflection in the mirror does not reflect the spirit in my heart. This past year has been a difficult exercise in isolation and introspection. The reemergence into a more social life is my bud, to bring more patience, acceptance, and joy is my rose, and to fall back into isolation, fear, and sadness is the thorn. So many days ahead to begin new adventures and perspectives.
The reflection and the spirit are not destined to reconcile, but will learn to coexist.
Yes indeed
Wow! I can totally identify with this article. It is amazing how we relate to inordinate objects when discussing aging. I often think about wine lovers. Our world is obsessed with aging fermented wine. But, I’m not sure if it’s an American issue. Other countries/cultures respect aging and the wisdom that one has gained. Great blog post!!
Thanks!
Your wise/clever/ words wants me to make you my best friend! At 68 everything you’ve said has so resonated with me Putting those words out there makes those reflecting those issues feel reassured about their station at this point in their lives. I remember when I was young my gorgeous stylish grandma ALWAYS wearing spike mules saying to me she’d look into the mirror and not recognize the girl who was still 16 inside. Well done Lyn. And thank you
Thank you!
Thank you ? great blog post , I love your ruminations. Nothing better than a broken in pair of jeans?
Thanks for the lovely comment.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the comparison as well as your amazing style. Please continue to push forward and create great content.
Will do.
Yes, it was a challenging one for me because of the social and political happenings. I actually benefitted from having to stop and take stock.
Amazing and great content. Thanks for sharing this article.
Thanks Again!!
My Blog:
https://www.motivationdrive.com
I love your blog.
Thank you!
Thank you for your insights. Turning 67 and trying to feel great about who I am at this age is a challenge. But it is possible. Putting it all into words and facing it straight on helps. Just keep moving forward, denim jeans and all. ?
Yup!
I will be celebrating my 74th birthday this summer and seeing my fourth book published, so this post resonated with me too. I no longer have the stamina I did as a younger woman but I meet each day with gratitude, acknowledging that each day is a gift.
I’m turning 60 in a month, and I’ve never felt more creative and alive. I appreciate the analogy; I don’t mourn my younger self; she was had so much to learn about happiness and choices. I’m grateful for her persistence and awakenings. Gratitude. That’s my rose.
I love this
I am the same age as you, and have also experienced that same “flash of annoyance” at the overly-solicitous or at people suddenly calling me “Miss X,” as though suddenly Miss Daisy needed to be helped out of her Phaeton. But I’ve learned to turn an amused eye to it, accept the discount, accept the honorifics, accept the helping hand, simply because it tells me more about their limits than my own. I think to myself, each time: “You just don’t realize who…or what…you’re dealing with here, do you?” And I smile, and say “Why…thanks.”
Great strategy, thank you.
I love the analogy just as much as I love my old jeans! Thank you for consistent inspiration.
I love your thoughts and admire you as a person. I will turn 76 this year and also feel very young and perky inside. I do not call myself old, only older. I will never be old and often correct others when when they talk about old people with “please describe us as older.” Just my thoughts on getting older. ?
Yes older is a good word, it means we are in process
I, too, will be 68 soon. I, too, love denim jeans. And I know exactly what you mean about age stereotyping. Ugh.
I am still working as an office admin. After we physically came back to the office this year, I decided to wear jeans on Friday – but just a bit dressed up with boots and a jacket. I work for a wealth management firm, so this was a stretch, but I stared them down. I think my age (and honestly my years at the firm) played in my favor this time. Rock on 🙂
Good for you, I love it!
I follow your journey into the aged realm with a keen eye and listening mind. I am turning 67 this year and when I read your blog on aging it’s just so darn satisfying. Your expression, analogy and interpretation of the landscape is so incredibly helpful. How we choose to age is also like our denim! What we do when we wear it, how often we feel compelled to wash and how we wash it will determine how it ages and what it will look like as it crumples into old age! Not all denim ages well 🙂 But then the quality of that denim at the start is much like our DNA and sometimes no matter how diligent we have been the clock will strike twelve regardless. Living each moment the way we choose to live it is the single most important lesson and gift of growing old. Thank you for doing what you do.
Loved the article!
Made me want to put on my best loved, worn,soft jeans and remember why I love them so much
Makes me happy.
Thank you for these beautiful words
This is such a beautiful read. I’m going to reread this a few times, so many things to think about in this piece. Thank you for writing.
I’ve been reading your blog fir years. Although I align with you and your exciting ideas, I’ve never left a comment. This blog compelled me to post in response.
I am 73, starting a business and have more energy and clarity than I’ve ever experienced! People are surprised and tell me they thought I’d be retiring. Is that because of my chronological age?!!?
Yes, I have wrinkles, and sagging body parts, but my brain is agile, fit and growing!
I live in my old faded wonderful jeans, as well!
Thank you for sharing this post about ageism that is so well written. It’s comforting to know others are feeling it, too!
We are re-writing the script for how to be old. You are a perfect example
I’m in my 77th year and I love my denim as it seems to have no boundaries as to age. I don’t feel out of date or frumpy when I am wearing denim and have painted several denim jackets that get me a lot of compliments. I feel young and vital on some days but older and have less energy and more pain on others. I still work as a psychotherapist and I think it keeps me in the flow of life and gives me purpose. Yes I have wrinkles, but the goddess in me still likes to dress somewhat outrageously at times and enjoy the aliveness that is offered to us each day if we allow ourselves to open to it. Great article, thanks .
I love this article. I, too, am into denim but skirts, not pants, in all colors. Going into my sixty, and now getting close to 70s, there is a sense of freedom to live each day in comfort and familiarity, living with a old friend.
Well said.
Thank you for sharing.
Your ponderings feel like you have been reading my mind! Lol. I’ve just reached my 59th year and for some reason, this year the number surprised me. I’ve felt 50 or younger for so long. I live on the end of a country road outside a small town. Jeans are perfect for every day in my opinion. The largest Rubbermaid container you can buy sits in my house filled with old jeans that will become something else one day…a braided rug or wall hanging or pouf for the living room. I think often about adding sashiko stitching to a loose pair of decrepit Levis. My very part-time job at a quilt shop in town keeps my creative juices flowing and is a good counterpart to all the yard transformation that is going on now. I’m in continual transformation as is my yard. Thank you for sharing your journey!
Thank you for sharing yours
I SO love and relate to your post as I just experienced my 63rd birthday. I am still teaching in the university classroom, but am slowly breaking down the voices that tell me I am a silly old broad to think I could ever write a book and get it published…I wish I could begin private correspondence with you ?
Dear Elizabeth,
You go girl! Write publish and be damned!
I have just done two books in my 71st year.
I became a narrative coach at 65. I help people curate the stories of their lives.
Cutting down the witchy critic voice, cultivating the inner wise ones.
Feels extraordinary.
Anne
Wow did I need this today!
Send me an email via the contact page.
I just turned 58. I love your blog. I have been struggling a little in the past year, with the pandemic, with work, with the idea that I am aging and that the way I feel inside doesn’t match the outside. I have let my hair go grey. I walk a lot ( my preferred method of exercise). I try to eat a healthy diet but sometimes I eat crap and drink wine. Every day is a gift. My first husband died at age 34. I try to appreciate what I have and not moan about a lot of wrinkles.
It’s all about the gains and losses.
Rose: feeling the joy of planning the retirement party I’ll be hosting for my next door neighbor on June 26!
Congratulations to you and her!
Spot on. Thank you for sharing this post. Beautifully written. It made me cry as I felt I was reading about myself.
Your comment means the world to me
Love you post and I can really relate to the worn jeans parable. I ignore that people somtimes treat me as invisable and not to be reckoned with. I feel strong, wise and I have now a better understanding of complex contexts. I love life and I try to make the most of it
Yes we as a group are paving a new road
Thank you for the gift of honesty, a heartening metaphor, and hope. Can’t wait to witness whatever more of your path and you that you choose to share!
Thanks for letting me know
I am 74. Turning 70 was difficult but each additional year has brought more peace and acceptance. I love to wear my many clothes and use my many tea cups and fine China. I am employed full time at work I love. I have a few ailments but none with pain. I eat carefully and follow a 12-step way of life. I feel like one of the luckiest women alive.
Gratitude it keeps us in good health
Just what I needed to read today. Thank you.
As I approach my 72nd year, I am being more introspective about life and what awaits me in the future. I have never in the past and do not plan to in the future give in to being old stereotypes. I am vibrant, youthful and more interested in learning and growing now then at any other time in my life. I so enjoy reading your blog, please keep going. You give me food for thought always.
Thank you and you give me motivation!
I think you are really cool and I so very much enjoy your intelligence, self of style and your role modeling for aging gracefully.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thanks for you kind words.
I marked the 69th time of circling the sun last week by heading to the 100F temperatures of Palm Springs, CA for some sun and enjoyment of the desert. I am a long-distance runner and a surgeon who listens to my 20-something trainees grumble because I take the stairs instead of the lift while walking briskly from patient room to patient room on my morning rounds. At age 69, I am in far better condition than many who are 40 years younger than myself. I challenge myself daily by running at 4 AM through the streets of my suburban town; greeted by members of the police who are patrolling “Good morning, Doc! Be safe and enjoy your run”.
I put little emphasis on my physical appearance; celebrating how my body responds to keeping extremely active and engaged. I work to stay healthy and alive with the enjoyment of simple pleasures; seeing the man I love; sipping a small amount of good bourbon. In short, I am living my life on my terms and enjoying every second of it.
Thanks for this prescription doctor, it’s a good one.
I really identified with your line about the loss of the ‘heady power’ of feeling seductive. I’m still fighting it half way through my 60’s and I know my self-image has to change. Or does it? There seems to be real power in feeling seductive. Power to get you moving, power to start new projects, power to stay curious and connected. I hope we women of a certain age will discover how to nurture and channel that seductive core of ourselves into something new and equally irresistible.
I agree this is something to come back to and talk more about.
Please continue share your reflections on aging. I’ve followed you for years and at 69 myself, I very much appreciate your thinking about your place in the world. Your journey parallels mine and I gain comfort and clarity from it. I too live in a small town surrounded by a park-like space that I have planted and nurtured for myself and my animals. It is very conservative town East of San Diego, but I can always find people closer to the city who agree with me on everything…this existence keeps me sharper and more open. My personal park provides a good buffer/retreat to sort things out while I’m still vigorous. I plan to stay and putter in my jewelry studio, and garden, contemplating what my contribution at this time in my life will be. Again, please continue to share your thinking
I will if you will as what you said is inspiring.
I turned 68 in April and as I follow your path on Instagram you inspire me to constantly re-become and embrace myself just as I am. Love this piece and I will pull on my denim’s today with some extra attitude.
Bravo!
Thank you for travelling this journey together with us. I was just thinking about how grateful I am to be enjoying the age of 74 . I have said that the age of 25 was one of my best years but at this age and at this place along my journey I feel so comfortable and wise and strong physically and mentally. I feel very grateful.
Enjoy all your uocoming endeavors and please continue to share your honesty and your view on life with the rest of us.
In my mid 50s and starting to feel my age (less strength, less energy), I’m ready to make a few changes myself and your article/blog post is much appreciated. Yet if you would consider a bit of a perspective shift…
When a younger person jumps up to offer you a seat on the subway they are honoring you. Most younger people ARE stronger and more energetic (and, let’s face it, better looking) than older people. If, instead of scorning you or refusing to see you, they give up their own comfort to provide for yours, maybe gratitude would be the appropriate response. Maybe annoyance says more about you than it does about them. Maybe you’re the one who wants your age to be invisible.
Well, this is certainly a different perspective. I have to continuously excavate to identify internalized ageism in myself. Sorry but I cannot agree that most young people are more energetic and better looking, especially when I read the comment of what older women are doing here.
You are an amazing writer! I love this piece. I am 60 now and thinking about retirement and the next chapter of my life. This piece gave me a lot of hooks to articulate what I want in the next phase.
Thank you, really needed to hear I was a good writer today!
Thank you. I found your article so inspiring. Now that I have finally begun to accept aging, I find myself increasingly resentful of the biases and stereotypes that others use in their Tik Toks adnother comments. I have to remember that we are all evolving slowly.
Yes, what’s important is that we don’t internalize those things.
your life story has been very inspiring and excitingin for me . In august i will be 56, so I understood perfectly your feel.
Take care.
From Buenos Aires , Argentina
I turned 67 in March – so we are the same age. My father died at 56; I was 2 weeks shy of my 30th birthday. Every time I complain about this or that related to growing older, I remind myself that the grace to grow older is a gift. That said, I have struggle with the knowledge that the “inside me” is different from the “outside me”. Your blog and Insta account are a true inspiration for me. They remind me that I am still “me” – and that age grants me the confidence and poise to bring the “inside me” outside into the world. Just a couple of days ago a much younger friend told me that she wanted to be like me when she grows older. She thinks my look is funky and edgy – aka the “inside me”. Like you, I still have mountains for me to climb and adventures to embark upon. Thank you, thank you, for reminding all of us that age really is a state of mind – and we have the freedom to make our aging whatever we want it to be. #newoldage
Yes how to be old is a project that is ours to design
Thank you for your inspiration. I live in vintage everyday…..
You knew words and I understood everything perfectly, now about to turn 48, the idea of growing old scared me but since I met you no more, thank you very much for being who you are and teaching us to be proud of our age, i am @vero_kent from instagram
Thank you and thank you for all of your support through the years
I love your aging jeans metaphor. It’s perfect. Tough dark indigo denim takes years to fade to cerulean, soften up, and hold the memory of our bodies.
I still wear two pairs of Levis 501 jeans I bought c1972, and they still fit. My students envy how faded torn and patched they are, things they pay extra for, I gather. I lived in a tipi in these jeans, kissed men with hair past their shoulders in these jeans, slept on a Nantucket beach in these jeans, listened to Jim Morrison live in concert in these jeans, and visited his grave in these jeans. It took a lot of washing and wearing to get them as they are now. Same with me. When I bought them, I had no idea.
Good to see you again, and to hear that you made the right decision with your move.
What a great clothing story. As Orsola de Castro says the title of her book which I would highly recommend, “Loved Clothes Last”
I’ve been wishing for someone like AI: a creative artistic woman who is interested in enjoying elder life.
Your thoughts about you and your father…health and vitality inspire me. My mother’s poor health got me to appreciate my own and at 70, I still can don my old jeans . They need no anti-aging.
Thanks for the lovely comment.
Thank you for your brutal honesty, Lyn. For you to speak to us women of a certain age so revealing is a blessing. Congrats on your continued success while still being vulnerable with those of us who learn something with every post. Denim jeans have been around forever and will continue to be the lifeblood of women of any age, especially now. My rose today is the fact that my sons are visiting me this holiday weekend from Chicago and Los Angeles. What makes this so special is that I’d not seen my older son (and father of my grandchildren) since January 2020 due to the pandemic last year and the beginning of 2021. Younger son was here briefly in January with his wife. But to have my sons here together is like a big, giant bouquet of roses!
Have a wonderful visit!
I just can’t get comfortable with saying I’m ‘old’. I too am coming up to my 68th birthday, went back to school and got my PhD, married a lovely new man 20 years back, love fashion, but don’t plan to stop working (teaching) until my body can’t manage it. I’m trying to understand why I won’t say I’m old. I blame age prejudice, or a fear I might start feeling ‘old’ if I say it?? Whichever, I’m closely following your journey of finding how to be old proudly.
This is a glorious post. When I turned 61 I began to look for fashion inspiration as I entered my third act. And there you were! As I began to see more women embracing old, I realized that in many ways this be phase is like the teen years with the advantage of being the one making the rules and having money. I am more free than I have been in decades. And I enjoy it more than the first time around as I feel less pressured by societal expectations.
Completely agree it is more like second adolescence than any other age I was after.
This is a beautiful story with an ode to the “Jeans”
I will cherish my jeans forever, I still wear them and I buy every season a new one, but my old jeans are my Icons, I can’t say goodbye to them and it will stay that way!
Me too!
This blog is speaking to my soul! I just retired at the age of 66 and have the same feelings of aging that you are experiencing. Through the School of Self Image (Tonya Leigh) I am accepting my beauty and accepting the extraordinary woman I am.
How will I transform into the next chapter of my adventures is up to me. But I have resources like this blog and the School to peel away the onion to showcase my authentic self.
Let’s set the bar for the next generation of Goddesses to embrace their own extraordinary being.
Yes, let’s!
I enjoy your posts, but feel you are embracing the self-description ‘old’ too readily. I think that is self limiting. Just ‘be.’..don’t feel compelled to define and categorize. I am a year older than you and after working in the film industry for many years, I am just about to reinvent myself and head in another creative direction. I look forward to it and will embrace a new challenge and new path. You are only old if you feel old.
I see where you are coming from but since the word is used so pejoratively I want it become something else, something positive.
I find (less than three weeks from my 70th birthday) that age has meant becoming invisible to a lot of people. They don’t see you as important or relevant or even present, whether it’s a person in a store or a member of your family. You suddenly know nothing and aren’t worth their time. I’ve decided that it’s their loss, not mine. I’ll spend my time with people who can value me as I am.
I’ve actually been thinking about this a great deal recently. Should we just accept this passively or should we develop what I’m calling invisibility refusal tactics?
What would I do without denim jeans? They are perfect at all times!
My rose today is putting on an old pair of jeans for gardening and feeling so good in my skin. They are yoga jeans and really stretchy, so my body feels doubly good.
Self-love in action!
Speaking as someone who has experienced a number of physical ailments over the last year, most of them very recently I actually have the opposite experience where I’m almost 58 but look about 15 years younger so I get treated accordingly. However since I have always looked much younger and took exceptional care of myself I admit to grousing in the past about “lack” of respect but dealt with also appreciating it while I can. With the advent of covid, physical ailments and fear of the gym have put me on the end of the spectrum we are all trying to avoid. I even fell in the bathtub last week which has compounded my fears and ailments. This has made it very difficult to try to pull myself through. I’m trying to get to the other side, go back to the gym when it’s safe and reacquire my health that has been so sketchy as of late. I am hoping I don’t fall into that same trap you are trying to avoid. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I guess I’m just hoping to get back to where you seem to be, while holding back the fear that I will fall into the stereotype of little old lady before my time.
Three of my best friends passed away in their forties. I have outlived them by almost twenty years. I am so grateful for the privilege of growing older, live is such a gift. I don’t think much about my real age, I think about how I feel, still vibrant, useful, curious, wiser. The number should not define us, how we feel and project ourselves should. Thank you for starting this conversation which we should keep exploring.
Although you are still young, you sound as though you are beginning to fear the unknown of growing older. I will be 75 this year. I have fallen and I have gotten up! We all secretly worry about falling and the unknown. But didn’t you fall when you were a kid and didn’t you just get back up again. Enjoy each day – the sunshine and the rain !! Reinvent yourself as become the woman that you have always wanted to be. This is the time of life to be that woman!
“I have fallen and I’ve gotten back up.” Yes! 83 years old here. Best quote I’ve seen on aging. Get down on the floor 3 times a day. Change up your routine. Laugh hard every day.
That’s a god one!
Cherie McClintock …. such wisdom, thank you.
This response about falling is perfection, thanks for sharing it!
We all have moments like this, believe me, an unfamiliar ache or pain makes my mind go crazy.
You have brought back the fearlessness in me! I will be 73 in August (Virgo) and looking forward to it. Thank you for your inspiration and words of “ageless” wisdom! Oh, and I recently divorced and plan on moving to a city from the country within the next year.
Good luck with your move, while the opposite of mine it sounds like that’s where you need to be right now.
This rose salutes you! I will celebrate my 68th birthday one month after you. Although my body gives me more aches than I would like I keep going and take delight with every new day.
Life is good.
I’m hopeful you will find the beauty of not being in the city. I admire you for aging more gracefully than so many others. I followed your lead and am going silver and trying to enjoy this next stage. So I’m hoping my rose is the process of aging with its ups and downs.
Moving has been transformative in so many ways. Eager to share some of the best moments.
It’s a nice feeling to fit into denim jeans from years ago and you can still get into them
I will join in on this. I’m 74 years old with another birthday near. My parents sat in chairs and died early. That’s not me. I have a small 33 acre farm and get to play on tractors and lawn mowers. I love taking care of horses and playing on the farm equipment. This is a tough town to find friends. My friends are the animals on my farm. Sometimes my daughters tell me I should retire. I tell them nothing would make me happier than falling dead on this farm doing what I love. I no longer wear dress clothes. I love my jeans I wear every day.
Way to go!
Yup!
I’m 70. You have given me a lovely place to explore aging. I’m not good with people, so, this format is perfect. Today, after I plopped in my vision saving eye drops, shoved in my life altering hearing aids and swallowed my heart saving pills, I stopped to appreciate how lucky I am to be here in 2021 – pandemic or no pandemic. My Mother died at age 62. She had a fraction of the health care that I have. I get to grow old, very old. She barely started.
Living in the moment and appreciating what we have been through this past year and a half and still continue to live through.
What an empowering post. As a 61 year old who has outlived every elder female in my family, thus lacking living role models, I am particularly appreciative of your words. Thankyou.
I am fortunate to have a platform where women are gracious and kind in sharing their thoughts.
At 61 and recently retired I’m looking for new challenges that bring joy. I like the flexibility of retirement but I also need some structure. I enjoy your musings and find that they often reflect my own thoughts. Your positivity and energy are inspiring. Thank you
That was lovely and brilliantly stated. I am 72 and I certainly understand…but it takes a while. Thank you.
Yes, acceptance is a process especially when the images of what being old provided by society and the media are so out of date and not relevant.
Thank you for commenting,
yes..Iam 74 and were I a pair of jeans..I would be white denim bell bottoms. I love the flow of bell bottoms and I wear white jeans all summer. They feel fresh and do not show the wear of my blue ones whuch are like a second skin..My whites feel formal in a casual way.
Thank you for the inspiring words that help me reflect a lot more about aging. Yesterday I had my 72nd birthday. Retired a year ago , working part time at local university. I am thankful for all the potential I have to be kind to myself, enjoy the beauty all around me and my wide circle of friends and family. It hasn’t been easy to accept the numbers after my 50’s. Only recently do I realize I can do anything I want and that number is just a number. It doesn’t define me. I have the choice to be happy and with that comes my choice to continually learn and grow and accept me: like the denim, soft, strong, warm, beautiful, transitioning and with much life left in me.
I look forward to your blogs and shared reflections.
And I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
My father passed at 57 and I had similar issues as I lived through my 57th year. With a sigh of relief as I turned 58 I felt a new and invigorating energy. I embraced new challenges and decided the next 25 years would be my best years. A time to grow and learn and embrace the beauty of healthy living. Now at 73, I am having the best time of my life. And yes I love my jeans – especially the girlfriend jeans that I can wear with Keds! I love my volunteer work and the lovely men and women I have met. I love the man I married 42 years ago and the two pups that depend on me. I know how lucky I am and hope I have a long time to continue on this journey.
What a wonderful life.
My husband’s aunt died last year at the age of 96. She was a huge inspiration to me in many ways. She continued to work in her spice shop (which she had for decades) until the last year of her life. She experienced a fall that caused damage to her skin that refused to heal, which took her in and out of the hospital.
She was a creator of ideas, but better than most, she acted on them with excitement and accomplishment. If she wanted a sleeping porch off her living room, there would soon be one. On one visit she mentioned how she would love a lookout tower in her backyard. By the next visit, it would be there. I could write a book about her entrepreneurial ideas and contributions to her community too!
While she lie on her sofa, dying, her words “I never thought I was so old!” Stay with me. Of course she knew she was old, but she never let it define her.
Please do write the book. What an inspirational woman and how lucky she was your role model for how to be old.
This spoke to my heart – I’m so tearful as I write this. Thank you. Thank you for understanding and expressing the thoughts and feelings of aging so eloquently and so completely. The longing to be – on the outside, who we are on the inside…how do we let that go?
It’s something we can explore here and find out how others are doing it too
Forging the way through the wilderness of what defines old!…. out wearing a pair of my embroidery embellished old jeans with red converses and a cardigan sweater, at 75 it feels good when a 30 something stops, rolls down her car window, gives a tumbs up and shouts..”Love your outfit”….. everything old is new again!
yes, we are re-writing the book about what it means to be old and hopefully making younger women less afraid of it at the same time.
Thank you Lyn for your inspiring words – that have led me to let my hair grow to shoulder length at present – grey and white and I love the “stripes” After years of every style imaginable for short hair, suddenly I feel more feminine and freer.
I am 77 and have always had my own style. I have always dressed to please myself so dislike the category “age appropriate” referring to clothes. Being creative with what I have rather than buying new is continuously inspiring. Love my jeans- casual or dressed up.
My Rose – Being happy in my own skin – wrinkles and all -but more importantly being happy in my spirit the spark that doesn’t change
Yes the me inside is a consistent presence.
I am a 78 year old painter. Reading about women’s experiences as they age is inspiring. I thank you for your inspiration. One piece of advice from me would be to hang out with young friends! You’ll find yourself behaving just like them. Takes off years….
This is a tactic I have used all my life. I started early being the oldest of 6
Thank you so much for the insightful ways in which you reflect on your life journey. It resonated deeply in me and will be one which I will be grateful to reread and be reassured by. Aging is such a series of ups and downs and discoveries and it is lovely to have the opportunity to share with others.
I do agree and am so grateful women like yourself take the time to respond and comment as it extends the learning we can have from each other’s experiences.
I chuckled at the reference at feeling seductive as we age (I’m 74) because an attractive gentleman started flirting with me at the grocery store telling me how pretty I was and what a lovely outfit I had on and must admit it made me feel a bit giddy. Then he asked if I was married and when I said “yes” he said of course all the good ones are taken. Must say that made my day. I’ve got plenty of wrinkles and after losing 80 pounds over the past couple of years there are even more of them. I may have more wrinkles but I significantly changed my eating habits so I’m in much better health even with a bad heart to contend with. So like those faded and wrinkled denims I’ve adjusted to being comfortable in this body as it ages. The biggest thing I recommend it try new things, experiment with changes to your wardrobe. Just allow yourself to play and to heck with what others think is “age appropriate”. I may get out my red leather vest with beaded fringe or perhaps the purple one that my brother made for me when he had his leather business. That will turn some heads won’t it.
Sounds like you are already really good at turning heads!
Hello Lynn and others,
I retired this year as an general practitioner. Now I am working in the vaccination against COVID with all kinds of people as colleagues and I like it.
I am not pleased when I look in the mirror either and I despise my grey hair so I/m still colouring it against all odds. My mother was 92 when she passed away and she still coloured her hair and her nails were stylished in fullred colours. She also could not accept her grey hair, ” you look about 20 years older, hon”
I am trying to find my path in the way I look and what I want to invest in it ,and where will it end?
Thank you and all the others for indeed, your healing words.
Suze
This is the most wonderful group of women, We are blessed to have each other.
I will be 72 soon. Learning to be happy with my age. Thanks for the inspiration.
My rose is lifelong learning and curiosity. We continue to learn our whole life, and being old and worn does not affect that process. I look forward to your thought-provoking posts, Lyn. Your topics are interesting, and I like reading all of the responses. I am retired, 63, healthy, active, married. I enjoy my daily bike ride along a 2-mile bike path. It makes me feel alive! I miss it in the winter. I have many interests, and I like solitude.
We are re-inventing what it means to be older today and I love it.
Love this! You continue to be an inspiration. Thank you!
Wabi Sabi has always been a more interesting concept for me that the idolatry of perfection running rampant in our western culture. I personally find physical perfection boring unless it comes with a “je ne sais quoi”.
I always embraced aging and couldn’t wait to turn 70; it’s the most fun and serene period of my life! When my 75 year old best friend and I go out we are still turning heads with our style and quiet confidence, it’s not about the wrinkles, it’s about the vibes your soul projects. My advice (for what it’s worth): work on your souls…and your wardrobes!
I could not agree more!
Lovely! I’m not, nor have I ever been, a jeans person, but I can say the same about the linen I wear most of the time. It gets more beautiful with age, soft but resilient, wrinkly but better. Same with my cottons. I turned 66 in April, and I enjoy the freedom of being considered old while most of the time not even thinking about it.
Always love your posts, and especially love jeans. Glad to wear them every day since I retired. Of course, it is still nice to dress up but dressing up has a whole new meaning to me. I will be 72 soon and love myself just as I am, silver hair, wrinkles and all.
Love your post. Although a hale and hearty 76, I have schooled myself to smile, thank the person on the subway or bus and take the seat. It reinforces kindness and illustrates that old women can be gracious and pleasant.
Ah while I’ve always appreciated the kindness shown I have also resisted any suggestions of how women should be.
This is a such beatiful red. Waooow
Thank you.
Born in 1948 this places me in the “ baby boomer “ generation where I felt free to stop wearing brush rollers to bed at night in the effort to straighten my wavy/frizzy hair. Everyday( along with long ,frizzy hair ) I wore jeans, a cotton T-shirt without a bra, socks and Birkenstock’s. To this day I’m all about comfortable clothing, shoes and hair. Over the decades I’ve always been making things : clothing, Quilts, collage, painting portraits and sketch booking. For exercise I swim laps in an indoor pool. Soft, high waisted jeans worn with a cotton shirt, socks and Birkenstock’s are still my main way of dressing. I’ve never colored my hair and I never wear makeup. Working from home my whole life has given me the freedom to be an indeterminate age. Actually being old ( 72 ) doesn’t feel any different . But, things have suddenly changed. My mom died last week. She was 90. I guess you could say I’m next in line, which is the one thing that is making me feel suddenly old.
So sorry for your loss. There are more creations in you left to imagine.
Soon to be 70, this past year has left me pondering a lot of things. 70 seems like a big number and I know there is no time to waste now. Thank you for your blogs and the ways in which you put your life into perspective.
It has been a year of revelation, change and shift in priorities
I am inspired by your story and I love your analogy to the worn and loved jeans.
Something happened to me when I turned 50. A gift of desire and a sense of purpose. This was while supporting sons with very challenging mental health. I too had given up drinking and started turning other habits around.
I was still colouring my hair. I started travelling. My first venture was to cycle solo around Europe.
At 58 I feel the strongest I ever have in my life. I run in the beech forest behind my house with my bordercollie dog called Jess, swim in the harbour at the bottom of the road and hike with women and some men too,mostly my age but often younger, in our beautiful mountains (in NZ). I have built a house in the forest. A kind of tree house where my friends gather to celebrate solstices and to nurture ourselves and to heal wounds. Husbands join us sometimes too.
I am learning to balance my energy better. To restore and to rest. This is hard for me.
Mostly though my love of fashion is starting to flourish in this context. I have long hair. Thick now and wavy. Not the glossy fine hair I used to have. Instead it is wild and a wonderful mix of my natural blondes and glossy whites. I gathered images of beautiful and striking post memopause women who kept things natural on pintrest. These are my godesses. They stop me colouring my hair.
I am building my wardrobe. Ofter designer vintage pieces that are edgy, feminine, boho, ethnic, beautifully tailored classic pieces in fine silk, wool or linen, rock chic… I am learning to curate. And I love the way these clothes make me feel. I would like the time to sew like I did as a teenager when clothing was so expensive that we were forced to create our own. Lucky. But there is also something deeply creative about becoming an old and wise woman too, who is beautiful in her own right. There is defiance when we live our hearts desires rather than convention.
So beautifully put. I love your house in the forest. Love the woman you are and will continue to become.
I thought I would know what old means when I got there. My mother did not feel old until she was 90. I turn 75 soon and just retired from 10 years teaching after 25 years in the US Foreign Service, and before that in a US health dept. My husband is younger and I still feel seductive. I love my jeans when it is cool, and wearing with a sheer top and no bra. I have rediscovered nakedness after wearing granny underwear for 40 years. Just bought new undies. And it is summer in SoCal, so I swim naked most days. My husband works at home and likes to watch me swim.
So, old? Not yet. Friends try to suggest what I could DO next, and I remember my French mother-in-law responding to the question when she was about 75, “what do you do?” with, “I live”. So, that is my current plan. Live.
I love everything about this post! Here’s to life and nude swimming.
Thank you for your beautiful essay.
I’ve had many of the same experiences.I’m turning 71 this week and have noticed that when I have to tell people my age ( medical situation) I immediatly loose 50 points on my IQ. People become very much kinder, which is a good thing, but I see it as condescending and over solicitious. I see myself as I have always been, a little more wrinkly, much more content and happy that I was in my younger days. It’s still difficult for me to connect the PhD educatoe/artist me inside with the wrinkly old lady on the outside. Your posts, clothing choices, comments have helped me work on navigating this connection.
Thank you
kindred spirits I see.
Birth and rebirth of myself is happening now.
I just crossed 60 and the image of myself in the mirror, I recognize and yet don’t.
My heart, like your own, doesn’t feel the age I “am” but mirror deceives my heart.
Age does come with it’s hiccups from living life, bum knees from my athletics and dancing, they are failing me now. The unexpected wrinkles appearing in ways which confuse me. Embracing my age this year was a bit tough, but I am taking it to the next level and finding more health (to help my knees) and my style again.
My style has always been a little off beat, more edgy than my peers in school and life which has always set me apart. Yet now, the invisibility is setting in especially during this pandemic since my desire and ability to “dress” is lesser. I do force myself however, when I do. 🙂
The paradigm shift is palpable and not for the weak of heart.
I appreciate your words and how they resonate within.
Thank you for sharing yourself with world so beautifully and eloquently.
It makes a mark on many.
Thank you for these lovely words, they are inspiring and motivating.
Yes age is certainly a time of change, some are gains, some are losses and there is always the potential to find something that balances the scales.
Sorry, I don’t like messy old jeans and I don’t like being close to 80! It seem to me one day I was 60, which was just fine, and the next I was 75 – where the hell did my life go?
Well, perhaps I’ll share some research with you and do a post about this. Negative thoughts about getting old or being old have been found to have a negative impact on cardiovascular health and take seven years off the end of your life. Be in the moment and think positively you still have more of life to live.